Death & Burial Resources
Community-based Behavioral health and Bereavement Resource Organization
Embedded Files
Someone Just Died — What Do I Do? Step One Breathe this is a difficult time and there is help.
Someone Just Died — What Do I Do? Step One Breathe this is a difficult time and there is help.
Someone Has Died What Do I Do?
Someone Has Died What Do I Do?
I Found or Have Someone Who May Have Died — What Do I Do?
I Found or Have Someone Who May Have Died — What Do I Do?
Finding someone who appears to have died can be frightening and overwhelming. You do not need to figure everything out at once.
Start here. Follow one step at a time.
Step 1 — Is This Happening Right Now?
Step 1 — Is This Happening Right Now?
If you have just found someone who is unresponsive and you do not know for certain that the person has died:
Call 911. They will contact the EMS and Coroner.
Tell the dispatcher:
Your location
That you found an unresponsive person
Whether the person appears to be breathing
Anything you know about what happened
Follow the dispatcher's instructions. They may tell you to check breathing, begin CPR, use an AED, or take other steps.
Do not assume someone has died unless death has already been officially determined by an appropriate professional.
Step 2 — Don't Move or Disturb Anything Unless You Need To
Step 2 — Don't Move or Disturb Anything Unless You Need To
If the death is unexpected, unattended, suspicious, related to an accident, suicide, overdose, violence, or the cause is simply unknown, try not to move the person or disturb the surrounding area unless emergency personnel instruct you to do so or you must do something for immediate safety.
Do not clean the area, dispose of medications or substances, rearrange belongings, or begin removing items.
Emergency responders and/or law enforcement will determine what needs to happen next.
Step 3 — Let Emergency Personnel Take Over
Step 3 — Let Emergency Personnel Take Over
Depending on the circumstances, responders may include:
EMS
Police or sheriff's deputies
Fire personnel
Coroner/medical examiner personnel
You may be asked questions about the person, when they were last seen alive, medical history, medications, recent events, or what you observed when you found them.
It's okay if you don't know all of the answers.
Step 4 — Understand What Happens to Your Loved One Next
Step 4 — Understand What Happens to Your Loved One Next
What happens next depends on where and how the person died.
An expected death under hospice care may be handled differently from an unexpected death at home.
An unexpected, unattended, accidental, overdose-related, suicide-related, violent, or unexplained death may involve the county coroner or other authorities.
The family may not be able to have the person immediately transported to the funeral home.
Ask the responder or coroner:
“Who has my loved one now, and who should I contact next?”
Write down the person's name, agency and phone number.
Step 5 — You Do NOT Have to Plan the Entire Funeral Right Now
Step 5 — You Do NOT Have to Plan the Entire Funeral Right Now
Once authorities tell you that you may contact a funeral home, you can begin considering arrangements.
Unless circumstances require an immediate decision, give yourself permission to slow down.
Before signing a contract, ask about:
Direct cremation
Traditional cremation
Burial
Least expensive options
General Price List
Amount required upfront
Payment policies
Public or charitable assistance they accept
If money is a concern, go to: “I Can't Afford the Funeral — Start Here.”
Step 6 — Call Someone You Trust
Step 6 — Call Someone You Trust
You do not have to handle the next several hours alone.
Consider contacting:
A family member
Close friend
Pastor or faith leader
Trusted neighbor
Another support person
If possible, have someone stay with you, drive for you, take notes, make calls, watch children, bring food, or simply sit with you.
Step 7 — Tell Children Carefully
Step 7 — Tell Children Carefully
You do not have to tell every person immediately.
If children are involved, consider their age and developmental level before explaining what happened.
Whenever possible, use simple and concrete language.
Avoid confusing phrases such as “went to sleep” or “went away” with young children.
PREcovery provides separate resources for:
Ages 2–6
Ages 7–12
Teenagers
Children who lost a parent
Sibling loss
Suicide loss
Overdose loss
Traumatic death
Step 8 — Start a Notebook or Phone Note
Step 8 — Start a Notebook or Phone Note
Grief can make remembering information difficult.
Create one place for everything.
Write down:
Names
Phone numbers
Agencies
Funeral homes contacted
Prices quoted
Appointments
Benefits
Confirmation numbers
Questions
Who you spoke with
What they told you
Also start a folder for important paperwork.
Step 9 — Gather Important Information
Step 9 — Gather Important Information
You may eventually need:
Full legal name of the deceased
Social Security number
Date and place of birth
Date and place of death
Parents' names
Marriage information
Military information
Employer information
Life-insurance information
Will or estate documents
Identification
Birth certificate
Marriage/divorce documents
DD-214 if a Veteran
Bank/retirement/pension information
You do not need to find all of this tonight.
This is simply your gathering list.
Step 10 — Order Death Certificates
Step 10 — Order Death Certificates
The funeral home or other appropriate local authority can explain how death certificates will be obtained.
You may need certified copies later for things such as:
Life insurance
Banks
Property
Retirement accounts
Employer benefits
Government benefits
Estate matters
Ask how many copies you may realistically need before purchasing a large number.
Step 11 — Check for Money and Benefits Before Assuming the Family Must Pay Everything
Step 11 — Check for Money and Benefits Before Assuming the Family Must Pay Everything
Before paying the entire cost yourself, check for:
Life insurance
Employer-provided life insurance
Pension or retirement benefits
Social Security survivor benefits
Veterans burial benefits
Illinois funeral/burial assistance
Crime Victims Compensation when applicable
Union benefits
Prepaid funeral arrangements
Community assistance
Church assistance
Unclaimed property
Go to: “I Can't Afford the Funeral — Start Here.”
That page will walk you through these resources one at a time.
Step 12 — Begin the Notifications
Step 12 — Begin the Notifications
Not everyone needs to be contacted immediately.
Over the coming days and weeks, you may need to notify:
Family and friends
Employer
Social Security
Insurance companies
Banks
Pension/retirement administrators
Veterans agencies
Schools
Landlord or mortgage company
Utilities
Creditors
Subscription services
Social-media platforms
Other organizations connected to the deceased
PREcovery's “Who Do I Need to Notify?” checklist can help you work through this gradually.
Step 13 — Take Care of Immediate Household Needs
Step 13 — Take Care of Immediate Household Needs
While everyone focuses on the funeral, everyday life continues.
Think about:
Children
Pets
Medications
Food
Transportation
Work
School
Housing
Bills
Safety/security of the deceased person's home
Mail
Important belongings
Ask family and friends to take specific jobs instead of trying to do everything yourself.
Step 14 — Pay Attention to the People Left Behind
Step 14 — Pay Attention to the People Left Behind
A death can affect an entire household.
Over the following days and weeks, watch for family members who are having significant difficulty functioning or coping.
Children and teenagers may show grief differently than adults.
PREcovery's resource library includes support for adults, children, teenagers, spouses, parents, siblings, suicide loss, overdose loss, traumatic loss and other circumstances.
If anyone is in immediate danger or experiencing a mental-health or suicide crisis, call or text 988. If there is an immediate life-threatening emergency, call 911.
Step 15 — The Funeral Is Not the End of the Checklist
Step 15 — The Funeral Is Not the End of the Checklist
After the funeral or memorial, families may still need help with:
Social Security survivor benefits
Life insurance
Employer benefits
Retirement or pension accounts
Veterans benefits
Estate matters
Bills and debts
Property
Children's needs
School support
Grief support
Counseling
Financial changes
Household changes
You don't have to accomplish everything in one week.
I Can't Afford the Funeral What Do I Do? Start Here Checklist.
I Can't Afford the Funeral What Do I Do? Start Here Checklist.
My Family Can't Afford a Funeral — Start Here
My Family Can't Afford a Funeral — Start Here
If someone has died and you are worried that you cannot afford their funeral, cremation, or burial, start here and work through these steps one at a time.
You may qualify for more than one resource.
STEP 1 — Contact a Funeral Home, But Ask About Price First
STEP 1 — Contact a Funeral Home, But Ask About Price First
You do not have to know exactly what kind of service you want before calling.
Tell the funeral home:
“Our family has limited funds. Before we make arrangements, I need to know the least expensive options available and what must be paid upfront.”
Ask for:
☐ The General Price List
☐ An itemized written estimate
☐ Direct cremation price
☐ Least expensive burial option
☐ Amount required upfront
☐ Whether they accept Illinois DHS assistance
☐ Whether they accept life-insurance assignments
☐ Whether they will work with verified benefits that are pending
☐ Whether payment arrangements are available
Do not be afraid to call more than one funeral home and compare prices.
STEP 2 — Check Illinois Funeral & Burial Assistance
STEP 2 — Check Illinois Funeral & Burial Assistance
If the person who died received or may have qualified for certain Illinois public-assistance programs, Illinois DHS Funeral & Burial Assistance may help with qualifying funeral and burial expenses.
Have available:
☐ Deceased person's full legal name
☐ Social Security number
☐ Date of birth
☐ Date of death
☐ Medicaid/public-benefit information
☐ Funeral-home information
☐ Cemetery or crematory information
☐ Itemized funeral/burial charges
☐ Information about the deceased person's assets
☐ Information about money contributed by family or other sources
Illinois DHS: 1-800-843-6154
TTY: 1-866-324-5553
ACTION: Contact Illinois DHS and ask specifically about Funeral and Burial Assistance.
STEP 3 — Find Out Whether Life Insurance Exists
STEP 3 — Find Out Whether Life Insurance Exists
Don't assume there isn't a policy just because nobody can find paperwork.
Check:
☐ Home files/safe/deposit box
☐ Bank statements for insurance premiums
☐ Email
☐ Employer benefits
☐ Former employers
☐ Union benefits
☐ Pension/retirement paperwork
☐ Insurance agent
☐ Credit union or other associations
If you're still unsure, use the Illinois Life Policy Locator.
Illinois Department of Insurance: 1-866-445-5364
ACTION: Search for possible life-insurance coverage before assuming none exists.
STEP 4 — Call the Deceased Person's Employer
STEP 4 — Call the Deceased Person's Employer
If the person was working, contact Human Resources as soon as possible.
Say:
“My family member has died. I need to know what benefits may be payable to their survivors.”
Ask about:
☐ Employer-paid life insurance
☐ Supplemental life insurance
☐ Accidental-death insurance
☐ Final paycheck
☐ Unused vacation/PTO
☐ Retirement account
☐ Pension survivor benefit
☐ Union benefits
☐ Other employee death benefits
Also check former employers if the deceased had a pension or retirement account.
STEP 5 — Contact Social Security
STEP 5 — Contact Social Security
If the deceased worked and paid Social Security taxes, surviving family members may qualify for benefits.
Possible beneficiaries can include:
☐ Spouse
☐ Former spouse in qualifying circumstances
☐ Minor children
☐ Certain older students
☐ Certain adult children with disabilities
☐ Dependent parents
A qualifying spouse or child may also be eligible for Social Security's $255 lump-sum death payment.
Social Security: 1-800-772-1213
TTY: 1-800-325-0778
ACTION: Tell Social Security you are calling about a death and survivor benefits.
Don't skip this step simply because the immediate funeral has already been handled. Monthly survivor benefits can be extremely important to the household afterward.
STEP 6 — Was the Person a Veteran?
STEP 6 — Was the Person a Veteran?
NO
NO
Continue to Step 7.
YES
YES
Stop here and check Veterans benefits before paying the entire funeral bill yourself.
Possible assistance may include:
☐ VA burial allowance
☐ Plot/interment allowance
☐ National cemetery burial
☐ Transportation assistance in qualifying circumstances
☐ Headstone or marker
☐ Burial flag
☐ Presidential Memorial Certificate
☐ Survivor benefits
VA Benefits: 1-800-827-1000
National Cemetery Scheduling: 1-800-535-1117
Also contact an Illinois Veteran Service Officer or County Veterans Assistance Commission.
They can help determine which federal, state and county benefits apply.
ACTION: Ask specifically for help identifying burial and survivor benefits.
STEP 7 — Was the Death Related to a Violent Crime?
STEP 7 — Was the Death Related to a Violent Crime?
NO
NO
Continue to Step 8.
YES
YES
Check Illinois Crime Victims Compensation.
Eligible families may qualify for assistance with funeral and burial expenses and certain other costs resulting from the crime.
Gather:
☐ Police report/incident information
☐ Victim's information
☐ Applicant's information
☐ Funeral-home bill
☐ Cemetery/crematory bill
☐ Receipts
☐ Insurance information
☐ Information about other assistance
Illinois Crime Victims Assistance: 1-800-228-3368
ACTION: Ask about Crime Victims Compensation for funeral and burial expenses.
You can also contact the victim advocate or State's Attorney's Office in the county where the crime occurred.
STEP 8 — Search for Unclaimed Money
STEP 8 — Search for Unclaimed Money
The deceased may have money or property nobody in the family knows about.
Search Illinois ICash for:
☐ Forgotten bank accounts
☐ Uncashed checks
☐ Insurance proceeds
☐ Refunds
☐ Other unclaimed property
Illinois ICash: 1-800-961-8303
ACTION: Search using the deceased person's legal name and previous names.
STEP 9 — Check Local & Community Assistance
STEP 9 — Check Local & Community Assistance
Now start filling any remaining gap.
Contact:
☐ Township/local assistance
☐ Churches
☐ Ministerial alliances
☐ Community-action agencies
☐ Veterans organizations
☐ Hospice organizations
☐ Civic organizations
☐ Community foundations
☐ Local charities
☐ The deceased person's church
☐ Employer or coworkers
☐ Union/fraternal organizations
Tell them exactly what remains:
“The funeral is $. We have secured $ from other sources and still need $____.”
A specific remaining amount can be easier for community organizations to evaluate than simply saying the family needs help paying for a funeral.
STEP 10 — Ask the Funeral Home to Recalculate the Balance
STEP 10 — Ask the Funeral Home to Recalculate the Balance
Once you know what assistance may be available, return to the funeral home.
Write down:
Total funeral/cremation/burial cost: $________
Illinois assistance: $________
Life insurance: $________
Veterans benefits: $________
Crime Victims Compensation: $________
Employer/pension benefits: $________
Community/church assistance: $________
Family contribution: $________
Other resources: $________
REMAINING NEED: $________
REMAINING NEED: $________
Ask whether the arrangements can be modified to bring the remaining cost within reach.
STEP 11 — If the Gap Is Still Too Large, Revisit the Funeral Plan
STEP 11 — If the Gap Is Still Too Large, Revisit the Funeral Plan
Ask:
☐ Can we choose direct cremation?
☐ Is there a simpler burial option?
☐ Can the memorial service be held somewhere else?
☐ Can a church provide the service location?
☐ Can we purchase a permitted urn or container elsewhere?
☐ Are there services or merchandise we can remove?
☐ Can the memorial service happen later?
☐ Is there another funeral provider with a lower price?
A meaningful funeral or memorial does not have to be an expensive one.
STEP 12 — Ask PREcovery to Help You Navigate It
STEP 12 — Ask PREcovery to Help You Navigate It
If you're overwhelmed or don't know which steps apply to your family, PREcovery Project can help you work through the available resources.
We can help you:
☐ Identify programs that may apply
☐ Organize the resources you've already contacted
☐ Locate funeral/burial resources
☐ Find survivor-benefit information
☐ Locate Veterans resources
☐ Locate grief and children's resources
☐ Identify community organizations
☐ Determine the remaining financial gap
☐ Find the next place to call
PREcovery Project does not guarantee that a family will qualify for any particular benefit or that funding will be available. Direct PREcovery funeral financial assistance is currently under development.
After the Immediate Crisis
After the Immediate Crisis
Once the funeral and immediate needs are addressed, there are still important things to do.
Survivor Benefits
Survivor Benefits
Apply for Social Security, pension, employer, Veterans, insurance and other benefits.
Grief Support
Grief Support
Find support for adults, children and teens affected by the death.
Protect the Rest of the Family
Protect the Rest of the Family
Review:
☐ Life insurance
☐ Beneficiaries
☐ Employer benefits
☐ Emergency savings
☐ Funeral wishes
☐ Important documents
☐ Survivor benefits
☐ Plans for dependent children
PREcovery's goal isn't only to help families through this loss. We also want to help families reduce the financial impact of the next unexpected loss.
One step at a time. Start with Step 1 resources contact resources below
One step at a time. Start with Step 1 resources contact resources below
PREcovery Project
Helping rural families navigate loss, resources, and what comes next.
Illinois & Federal Funeral Financial Resources
Illinois & Federal Funeral Financial Resources
Illinois DHS Funeral & Burial Assistance
For qualifying low-income/public-assistance cases. This should be one of PREcovery's first screening questions because eligibility depends heavily on the deceased person's benefit/status and available resources.
Illinois DHS: 1-800-843-6154
TTY: 1-866-324-5553
Button: Illinois Funeral & Burial Assistance
Social Security Survivor Benefits
Check this whenever the deceased worked and paid Social Security taxes. Eligible spouses, former spouses, children and dependent parents may qualify for monthly survivor benefits. A qualifying spouse or child may also receive the $255 lump-sum death payment. Survivor benefits aren't applied for online; SSA says to call. (Social Security Administration)
Phone: 1-800-772-1213
TTY: 1-800-325-0778
Website Click Below
Social Security Survivor Benefits
VA Burial & Memorial Benefits
Always ask, “Was the person a Veteran?” VA benefits can include burial allowances, plot/interment assistance, transportation in qualifying situations, national-cemetery burial, headstones/markers, burial flags and other memorial benefits. For qualifying non-service-connected deaths on or after October 1, 2025, VA currently lists a $1,002 burial allowance plus $1,002 plot allowance; different rules/rates apply to service-connected deaths and other circumstances. (Veterans Affairs)
VA Benefits: 1-800-827-1000
National Cemetery Scheduling: 1-800-535-1117
Headstones/Markers: 1-800-697-6947
VA Burial Benefits
Illinois Veterans Assistance
Illinois Veteran Service Officers can help survivors determine which state and federal burial/survivor benefits apply and assist with applications. Illinois also has an indigent-veteran burial program through county Veterans Assistance Commissions; the state currently lists reimbursement of up to $900 in qualifying cases. (Illinois Department of Veterans Affairs)
Illinois Department of Veterans' Affairs: 1-800-437-9824
Find an Illinois Veteran Service Officer
Illinois Crime Victims Compensation
Check this when a death resulted from a qualifying violent crime. Eligible expenses can include funeral/burial costs, along with counseling, loss of earnings/support, crime-scene cleanup and certain other expenses. The program currently provides up to $45,000 total for eligible crimes occurring on or after August 7, 2022, although individual expense categories have separate rules and limits. (Illinois Attorney General)
Crime Victims Assistance Line: 1-800-228-3368
Illinois Crime Victims Compensation & Application
Find a Missing Life Insurance Policy
This one absolutely belongs on the page. The Illinois Department of Insurance has a free Life Policy Locator that can help families locate individual life-insurance policies or annuity contracts belonging to someone who died. (IDOI)
Illinois Department of Insurance: 1-866-445-5364
Illinois Life Policy Locator
Illinois ICash — Search for Money Belonging to the Deceased
Search the deceased person's name for unclaimed property. Illinois says this can include forgotten bank accounts, uncashed checks, insurance payments, refunds and other funds. The search and claim process is free. (Illinois State Treasurer)
ICash: 1-800-961-8303
Search Illinois ICash
Don't Forget These Sources
Don't Forget These Sources
Employer/HR → employer-paid life insurance, supplemental life insurance, final paycheck, unused PTO, pension, retirement account, accidental-death benefit.
Union → death benefit, life insurance or member-assistance fund.
Bank/Credit Union → payable-on-death accounts and possible member benefits.
Pension/Retirement System → survivor/death benefits.
Church/Ministerial Alliance → benevolence or emergency funeral assistance.
Township/Local Assistance → ask whether burial/disposition assistance is available.
Hospice → bereavement resources and possible charitable/community referrals.
Funeral Home → IDHS acceptance, insurance assignment, least-cost disposition, pending-benefit arrangements and payment options.
Community Fundraising → memorial donations, benefit events, crowdfunding and community organizations.
Monetary Support Financial Aid Resource Links
Monetary Support Financial Aid Resource Links
Illinois & Federal Funeral Financial Resources
Illinois & Federal Funeral Financial Resources
Illinois DHS Funeral & Burial Assistance
For qualifying low-income/public-assistance cases. This should be one of PREcovery's first screening questions because eligibility depends heavily on the deceased person's benefit/status and available resources.
Illinois DHS: 1-800-843-6154
TTY: 1-866-324-5553
Button: Illinois Funeral & Burial Assistance
Social Security Survivor Benefits
Check this whenever the deceased worked and paid Social Security taxes. Eligible spouses, former spouses, children and dependent parents may qualify for monthly survivor benefits. A qualifying spouse or child may also receive the $255 lump-sum death payment. Survivor benefits aren't applied for online; SSA says to call.
Phone: 1-800-772-1213
TTY: 1-800-325-0778
Social Security Survivor Benefits
VA Burial & Memorial Benefits
Always ask, “Was the person a Veteran?” VA benefits can include burial allowances, plot/interment assistance, transportation in qualifying situations, national-cemetery burial, headstones/markers, burial flags and other memorial benefits. For qualifying non-service-connected deaths on or after October 1, 2025, VA currently lists a $1,002 burial allowance plus $1,002 plot allowance; different rules/rates apply to service-connected deaths and other circumstances.
VA Benefits: 1-800-827-1000
National Cemetery Scheduling: 1-800-535-1117
Headstones/Markers: 1-800-697-6947
VA Burial Benefits
Illinois Veterans Assistance
Illinois Veteran Service Officers can help survivors determine which state and federal burial/survivor benefits apply and assist with applications. Illinois also has an indigent-veteran burial program through county Veterans Assistance Commissions; the state currently lists reimbursement of up to $900 in qualifying cases.
Illinois Department of Veterans' Affairs: 1-800-437-9824
Find an Illinois Veteran Service Officer
Illinois Crime Victims Compensation
Check this when a death resulted from a qualifying violent crime. Eligible expenses can include funeral/burial costs, along with counseling, loss of earnings/support, crime-scene cleanup and certain other expenses. The program currently provides up to $45,000 total for eligible crimes occurring on or after August 7, 2022, although individual expense categories have separate rules and limits.
Crime Victims Assistance Line: 1-800-228-3368
Illinois Crime Victims Compensation & Application
Find a Missing Life Insurance Policy
This one absolutely belongs on the page. The Illinois Department of Insurance has a free Life Policy Locator that can help families locate individual life-insurance policies or annuity contracts belonging to someone who died.
Illinois Department of Insurance: 1-866-445-5364
Illinois Life Policy Locator
Illinois ICash — Search for Money Belonging to the Deceased
Search the deceased person's name for unclaimed property. Illinois says this can include forgotten bank accounts, uncashed checks, insurance payments, refunds and other funds. The search and claim process is free.
ICash: 1-800-961-8303
Search Illinois ICash
Don't Forget These Sources
Don't Forget These Sources
Employer/HR → employer-paid life insurance, supplemental life insurance, final paycheck, unused PTO, pension, retirement account, accidental-death benefit.
Union → death benefit, life insurance or member-assistance fund.
Bank/Credit Union → payable-on-death accounts and possible member benefits.
Pension/Retirement System → survivor/death benefits.
Church/Ministerial Alliance → benevolence or emergency funeral assistance.
Township/Local Assistance → ask whether burial/disposition assistance is available.
Hospice → bereavement resources and possible charitable/community referrals.
Funeral Home → IDHS acceptance, insurance assignment, least-cost disposition, pending-benefit arrangements and payment options.
Community Fundraising → memorial donations, benefit events, crowdfunding and community organizations.
Funeral, Cremation & Burial
Funeral, Cremation & Burial
Funeral, Cremation & Burial
Funeral, Cremation & Burial
Understanding Your Options
Understanding Your Options
Planning final arrangements can feel overwhelming, especially when decisions have to be made quickly.
You may be asked about burial, cremation, caskets, urns, embalming, visitation, memorial services, cemetery arrangements and many other choices—all while grieving.
You do not have to understand everything before you walk into a funeral home.
This guide can help you understand your options, prepare questions, compare costs and make decisions that fit your family, beliefs and budget.
1. Choose a Funeral Home
1. Choose a Funeral Home
Unless arrangements were made before the death, the family will usually need to select a funeral provider.
Before choosing one, you can:
☐ Call more than one funeral home
☐ Ask about prices
☐ Ask what services are required versus optional
☐ Ask about cremation and burial options
☐ Ask how much must be paid upfront
☐ Ask what financial-assistance programs they accept
☐ Ask whether they accept life-insurance assignments
☐ Ask about payment policies
Choosing a funeral home does not mean you have to purchase the most expensive funeral package offered.
2. Ask for the General Price List
2. Ask for the General Price List
Funeral costs can include many separate services and products.
Ask the funeral home for its General Price List (GPL).
Use it to understand and compare costs for things such as:
☐ Funeral director/basic services
☐ Transportation
☐ Preparation of the body
☐ Embalming
☐ Visitation/viewing
☐ Funeral or memorial service
☐ Cremation
☐ Casket
☐ Urn
☐ Hearse
☐ Other vehicles
☐ Graveside services
☐ Other merchandise or services
Ask:
“Which of these charges are required and which are optional?”
3. Decide Between Burial and Cremation
3. Decide Between Burial and Cremation
There is no single arrangement that is right for every family.
Burial
Burial
A traditional burial may involve:
Funeral-home services
Casket
Cemetery plot
Opening and closing of the grave
Grave liner or outer burial container when required
Headstone or marker
Funeral or graveside service
Ask for the total expected cost, including cemetery expenses that may be billed separately.
Cremation
Cremation
Cremation can include many different arrangements.
Families may choose:
Direct cremation
Cremation followed by a memorial service
Viewing or funeral before cremation
Burial of cremated remains
Placement in a columbarium
Keeping the urn
Other lawful disposition of cremated remains
Direct cremation is generally a simpler arrangement and may cost substantially less than a traditional funeral and burial.
4. Understand Direct Cremation
4. Understand Direct Cremation
Direct cremation generally means the person is cremated without a formal viewing or funeral service beforehand.
The family can still hold a meaningful memorial later.
That could be at:
A church
Family home
Community center
Park
Cemetery
Funeral home
Another meaningful location
Choosing direct cremation does not mean a family cannot have a memorial, celebration of life or religious service.
5. Understand Casket & Urn Choices
5. Understand Casket & Urn Choices
Families may be presented with many different caskets and urns at very different prices.
Before purchasing, ask:
☐ What is the least expensive option?
☐ Do we need this item for the arrangement we've selected?
☐ Are less expensive options available?
☐ May we provide a casket or urn purchased elsewhere?
☐ Are there additional charges associated with our choice?
Take your time before agreeing to merchandise you don't understand.
6. Ask About Embalming
6. Ask About Embalming
Do not automatically assume embalming is necessary for every death or every type of arrangement.
Ask:
“Is embalming required for the arrangements we have selected?”
If the answer is yes, ask why.
Your choices concerning viewing, timing, transportation and disposition can affect what preparation may be needed.
7. Understand Cemetery Costs
7. Understand Cemetery Costs
Cemetery charges may be separate from the funeral home's charges.
Before agreeing to burial, ask the cemetery about:
☐ Burial plot
☐ Opening and closing the grave
☐ Grave liner/vault requirements
☐ Headstone or marker
☐ Installation fees
☐ Maintenance or other cemetery charges
☐ Rules about decorations or markers
Get the expected cemetery expenses in writing when possible.
8. Consider the Funeral or Memorial Separately
8. Consider the Funeral or Memorial Separately
The disposition of someone's body and the way you remember their life do not have to be the same decision.
A family can choose a simple cremation or burial and hold a memorial elsewhere.
You might consider:
Church service
Celebration of life
Graveside gathering
Family memorial
Community memorial
Memorial held at a later date
This can give families more time to plan and may reduce immediate financial pressure.
9. Ask About Religious, Cultural & Personal Wishes
9. Ask About Religious, Cultural & Personal Wishes
Final arrangements can reflect the person's:
Faith
Culture
Family traditions
Military service
Personal wishes
Previously documented instructions
If you're unsure whether a particular practice can be accommodated, ask the funeral director, cemetery, faith leader or other appropriate provider.
10. Was Your Loved One a Veteran?
10. Was Your Loved One a Veteran?
Veterans and qualifying family members may have additional burial and memorial options.
Possible benefits can include:
☐ Burial in a national cemetery
☐ Burial allowance in qualifying circumstances
☐ Plot or interment benefits
☐ Government headstone or marker
☐ Burial flag
☐ Presidential Memorial Certificate
☐ Military funeral honors
Visit PREcovery's Veterans & Military Families section before paying for services that may be covered or available through a Veterans benefit.
11. Consider Organ, Tissue or Body Donation When Applicable
11. Consider Organ, Tissue or Body Donation When Applicable
Depending on the circumstances and the person's wishes, families may encounter questions about:
Organ donation
Tissue donation
Eye donation
Whole-body donation for medical education or research
These are different programs with different eligibility requirements.
If donation is being considered, obtain information from the appropriate donation organization before making assumptions about eligibility, transportation or final-disposition costs.
12. Don't Be Afraid to Talk About Money
12. Don't Be Afraid to Talk About Money
Tell the funeral director what your family can realistically afford.
You can say:
“Our family has a maximum budget of $____. Please show us options that stay within that amount.”
Ask for an itemized estimate before signing.
If the total is too high, ask what can be changed or removed.
13. If You Can't Afford the Arrangements
13. If You Can't Afford the Arrangements
Stop before taking on debt you don't understand.
PREcovery has a separate step-by-step guide:
I Can't Afford the Funeral — Start Here
I Can't Afford the Funeral — Start Here
It walks families through possible resources including:
☐ Illinois funeral and burial assistance
☐ Life insurance
☐ Social Security survivor benefits
☐ Veterans benefits
☐ Crime Victims Compensation
☐ Employer and union benefits
☐ Pensions and retirement accounts
☐ Community assistance
☐ Churches and charitable resources
☐ Unclaimed property
☐ Other possible sources of assistance
Questions to Take to the Funeral Home
Questions to Take to the Funeral Home
Before you leave the arrangement meeting, make sure you understand:
☐ What is the total price?
☐ What must be paid now?
☐ What can be paid later?
☐ Which services are required?
☐ Which services are optional?
☐ Are there less expensive alternatives?
☐ Are cemetery charges included?
☐ Are crematory charges included?
☐ Are there other third-party charges?
☐ What financial-assistance programs do you accept?
☐ Do you accept life-insurance assignments?
☐ What happens if a benefit is approved after we've paid?
☐ Can we receive an itemized copy of everything before signing?
Remember
Remember
The amount spent on a funeral does not measure how much someone was loved.
Your family can choose arrangements that honor your loved one while still protecting the financial stability of the people left behind.
PREcovery Project can help you understand available resources, organize your next steps and find additional information when you don't know where to begin.
Then under this page, I'd put small clickable resource cards rather than more giant paragraphs:
Compare Burial & Cremation | What Is Direct Cremation? | Understanding Funeral Prices | Caskets & Urns | Cemetery Costs | Organ & Body Donation | Military Funerals | Affordable Memorial Ideas | Find Local Funeral Homes | I Can't Afford the Funeral
Funeral Homes Marion County Illinois
Funeral Homes Marion County Illinois
Sutherland-Garnier Funeral Home and Cremation Services — 235 N. Sycamore St., Centralia — (618) 532-3523. Funeral, cremation and preplanning services.
Hillcrest Cemetery, Funeral Home & Cremation Center — 2500 Old 51 Rd., Centralia — (618) 532-6122. This one is especially useful for your directory because funeral home, cemetery and cremation services are together.
Irvin Macz Funeral Home — 234 S. Elm St., Centralia — (618) 532-5511. Current Centralia listings continue to show it operating.
Maxton-Rosado Funeral Home — Queen-Boggs Chapel, 134 S. Elm St., Centralia — (618) 532-7321. They offer burial, cremation and preplanning and specifically advertise flexibility for different budgets and financing options.
Crouse Funeral Home & CFH Crematory — 403 S. Broadway Ave., Salem — (618) 548-3308. This is the former Rogers-Atkins operation; it was purchased in 2020
Sutherland - Rankin Funeral Home — 310 N. Broadway Ave., Salem — (618) 548-1234.
Day Macz Funeral Home — 311 N. Pine St., Sandoval — (618) 247-3711.
Irvin Macz Funeral Home — 111 Perkins St., Odin — (618) 532-5511.
Day Macz Funeral Homes — 101 E. Clinton Ave., Patoka — (618) 247-3711.
McGriff Funeral Homes — 115 N. Jefferson St., Kinmundy — (618) 547-7641.
L R Osborn & Son Funeral Home — 4938 Kell Rd., Kell — (618) 822-6251.
Planning the Funeral or Memorial
Planning the Funeral or Memorial
Planning the Funeral or Memorial
Planning the Funeral or Memorial
You Don't Have to Plan Everything at Once
You Don't Have to Plan Everything at Once
Planning a funeral or memorial while grieving can feel like making a hundred decisions at the worst possible time.
Start with the basics.
A funeral, memorial, or celebration of life can be traditional or simple, religious or nonreligious, large or private. There is no requirement that a meaningful goodbye has to be elaborate or expensive.
Use this page one step at a time.
Step 1 — Decide What Type of Gathering You Want
Step 1 — Decide What Type of Gathering You Want
Consider what would feel appropriate for your loved one and your family.
Options may include:
☐ Traditional funeral service
☐ Funeral followed by burial
☐ Graveside service
☐ Funeral before cremation
☐ Cremation followed by a memorial
☐ Celebration of life
☐ Church service
☐ Private family gathering
☐ Military funeral or honors
☐ Memorial held at a later date
☐ No formal service
You can also combine different options.
Step 2 — Decide Where to Hold It
Step 2 — Decide Where to Hold It
A service does not necessarily have to take place at a funeral home.
Depending on the type of service and local requirements, families may consider:
☐ Funeral home
☐ Church or place of worship
☐ Cemetery
☐ Community building
☐ Family property
☐ Outdoor location
☐ Other meaningful location
If cost is a concern, ask whether your church or another community organization has space available.
Step 3 — Choose the Date & Time
Step 3 — Choose the Date & Time
Before announcing the service, coordinate with the necessary people and locations.
Consider:
☐ Funeral home availability
☐ Cemetery availability
☐ Clergy or officiant
☐ Family traveling from out of town
☐ Military honors, if applicable
☐ Venue availability
☐ School/work schedules
☐ Cremation or burial timing
If immediate scheduling creates too much financial or emotional pressure, consider holding the memorial or celebration of life later.
Step 4 — Decide Who Will Lead the Service
Step 4 — Decide Who Will Lead the Service
The service might be led by:
☐ Pastor, priest, rabbi or other faith leader
☐ Funeral celebrant
☐ Funeral director
☐ Family member
☐ Friend
☐ Community leader
☐ Another person meaningful to the family
Talk with that person about what you want the service to feel like.
Step 5 — Gather the Information for the Obituary
Step 5 — Gather the Information for the Obituary
Start with basic information:
☐ Full name
☐ Age
☐ Hometown
☐ Date of death
☐ Birth information
☐ Parents
☐ Spouse/partner
☐ Children
☐ Grandchildren
☐ Siblings
☐ Other important family
☐ Education
☐ Employment
☐ Military service
☐ Faith/community involvement
☐ Hobbies and interests
☐ Accomplishments
☐ Personality or meaningful memories
☐ Service information
☐ Memorial contribution information
An obituary doesn't have to tell someone's entire life story.
It should tell people who they were.
Step 6 — Choose Photos
Step 6 — Choose Photos
You may need photographs for:
☐ Obituary
☐ Funeral program
☐ Memorial slideshow
☐ Photo boards
☐ Social media announcement
☐ Memorial table
☐ Keepsakes
Ask family and friends to help gather them.
You do not have to organize decades of photographs by yourself.
Step 7 — Plan the Service
Step 7 — Plan the Service
Think about the pieces you want included.
You might choose:
☐ Welcome/opening
☐ Prayer
☐ Scripture or other readings
☐ Music
☐ Eulogy
☐ Family memories
☐ Friends sharing stories
☐ Poem
☐ Video or slideshow
☐ Moment of silence
☐ Religious traditions
☐ Military honors
☐ Closing words
You don't need all of these.
Choose what represents the person and feels manageable for the family.
Step 8 — Choose the Music
Step 8 — Choose the Music
Think about:
☐ Favorite songs
☐ Hymns
☐ Religious music
☐ Songs connected to memories
☐ Instrumental music
☐ Recorded music
☐ Live musicians
Ask the funeral home, church, or venue about any restrictions before finalizing your selections.
Step 9 — Choose Who Will Participate
Step 9 — Choose Who Will Participate
You may want to ask people to serve as:
☐ Pallbearers
☐ Readers
☐ Musicians
☐ Speakers
☐ Eulogists
☐ Ushers
☐ Honorary pallbearers
☐ Prayer leaders
Don't feel obligated to give everyone a formal role.
Sometimes simply inviting people to attend is enough.
Step 10 — Write the Eulogy
Step 10 — Write the Eulogy
A eulogy does not have to be perfect.
Consider answering a few simple questions:
Who was this person?
What did they love?
What made them laugh?
What will people remember about them?
What did they teach others?
What story captures who they were?
What do you hope people carry with them after today?
Speak from the relationship you actually had with the person.
Step 11 — Create the Funeral Program
Step 11 — Create the Funeral Program
A simple program might include:
Front:
Name
Photograph
Birth and death dates
Inside:
Order of service
Readings or scripture
Music
Names of participants
Back:
Poem, quote, scripture, photograph, thank-you message, or memorial information
A program can be professionally printed, printed at home, or skipped completely.
Step 12 — Decide About Flowers & Memorial Contributions
Step 12 — Decide About Flowers & Memorial Contributions
Families may request:
☐ Flowers
☐ Donations to a charity
☐ Donations to a church
☐ Contributions toward funeral expenses
☐ Contributions for surviving children
☐ Donations to an organization important to the deceased
☐ No flowers or contributions
If money is being collected for funeral expenses, clearly explain where contributions will go and who is managing them.
Step 13 — Consider Personal Touches
Step 13 — Consider Personal Touches
Small details can make a service feel personal without adding major expense.
Ideas include:
☐ Favorite photographs
☐ Favorite music
☐ Memory table
☐ Work or military items
☐ Artwork
☐ Sports memorabilia
☐ Favorite books
☐ Handwritten notes
☐ Recipe cards
☐ Flowers from a garden
☐ Candles where permitted
☐ Memory cards for guests to complete
☐ Displaying something the person created
Meaning doesn't have to cost money.
Step 14 — Decide How to Tell People
Step 14 — Decide How to Tell People
Once arrangements are confirmed, information can be shared through:
☐ Funeral-home obituary
☐ Phone calls
☐ Text messages
☐ Church
☐ Employer
☐ School
☐ Social media
☐ Newspaper obituary
☐ Email
Include the correct date, time, location, visitation information and any memorial instructions.
Ask someone else to proofread everything before posting it publicly.
Step 15 — Give People Jobs
Step 15 — Give People Jobs
You do not have to manage everything yourself.
Ask trusted people to handle specific tasks.
Someone can:
☐ Answer phone calls
☐ Contact relatives
☐ Notify the church
☐ Gather photographs
☐ Create the slideshow
☐ Bring clothing to the funeral home
☐ Coordinate food
☐ Watch children
☐ Care for pets
☐ Pick up relatives
☐ Keep track of flowers and gifts
☐ Collect cards
☐ Write down who brought food or made donations
People often want to help. Give them something concrete to do.
Step 16 — Plan for Children
Step 16 — Plan for Children
Children should not automatically be excluded from funerals or memorials, but they should be prepared for what they may see and experience.
Explain:
☐ Where you're going
☐ Who will be there
☐ Whether they will see the person's body
☐ What a casket or urn is
☐ What burial or cremation means in age-appropriate language
☐ That people may cry
☐ That they may feel sad, confused, angry—or even want to play
Consider having a trusted adult available specifically for the child in case they want to leave the service.
Visit Children & Teens After Loss for age-specific resources.
Step 17 — Remember Your Budget
Step 17 — Remember Your Budget
Before adding something to the service, ask:
Is this important to us, or do we feel like we're supposed to do it?
A simple service can be just as meaningful as an expensive one.
If funeral costs are becoming difficult to manage, visit:
I Can't Afford the Funeral — Start Here
I Can't Afford the Funeral — Start Here
PREcovery can help you identify resources that may be available.
Simple Funeral Planning Checklist
Simple Funeral Planning Checklist
Before the service, check that you've addressed:
☐ Funeral home/disposition arrangements
☐ Date and time
☐ Location
☐ Officiant
☐ Obituary
☐ Family notifications
☐ Photos
☐ Clothing if needed
☐ Music
☐ Readings
☐ Eulogy/speakers
☐ Pallbearers if needed
☐ Funeral program if desired
☐ Flowers/memorial contributions
☐ Cemetery arrangements if applicable
☐ Military honors if applicable
☐ Transportation
☐ Children's needs
☐ Food/gathering afterward if desired
After the Service
After the Service
There will still be things to handle, but they do not all have to happen immediately.
Your next PREcovery resources can help with:
Who Do I Need to Notify?
Social Security & Survivor Benefits
Life Insurance & Missing Benefits
Legal, Estate & Documents
Grief & Healing
Children & Teens After Loss
Plan Ahead & Protect Your Family
One thing at a time.
One thing at a time.
A funeral or memorial is about remembering a life and giving people an opportunity to say goodbye.
It does not have to be perfect to be meaningful.
Obituary Help
Obituary Help
Obituary Help
Obituary Help
You Don't Have to Be a Writer
You Don't Have to Be a Writer
Writing an obituary can feel surprisingly difficult.
You're trying to summarize an entire life while grieving—and often while making funeral arrangements, answering phone calls, locating paperwork and taking care of everyone else.
It doesn't have to be perfect.
An obituary simply helps tell people:
Who died? Who were they? Who loved them? What mattered to them? And how can people honor or remember them?
Use the steps below to build it one piece at a time.
Step 1 — Gather the Basic Information
Step 1 — Gather the Basic Information
Start with facts. You can make it personal later.
☐ Full legal name
☐ Preferred name or nickname
☐ Age
☐ City/community
☐ Date of birth
☐ Place of birth
☐ Date of death
☐ Place of death, if the family wants it included
☐ Parents' names
☐ Spouse or partner
☐ Children
☐ Grandchildren/great-grandchildren
☐ Siblings
☐ Other important family members
You do not have to publish every piece of personal information you collect.
Step 2 — Write the Opening
Step 2 — Write the Opening
Keep the first sentence simple.
Basic Example
Basic Example
[Full Name], [age], of [community], died on [date].
Or make it warmer:
[Full Name], [age], of [community], passed away on [date], surrounded by family.
Only include circumstances such as surrounded by family if they are accurate.
You can use “died,” “passed away,” “entered eternal rest,” “went home to be with the Lord,” or another phrase that reflects the family's preferences and beliefs.
Step 3 — Tell a Little About Their Life
Step 3 — Tell a Little About Their Life
Now move beyond dates.
Consider including:
☐ Where they grew up
☐ Schools attended
☐ College or training
☐ Military service
☐ Career
☐ Marriage/partnership
☐ Children and family life
☐ Church or faith community
☐ Volunteer work
☐ Organizations
☐ Hobbies
☐ Favorite activities
☐ Accomplishments
☐ Places they loved
☐ Things that were important to them
You don't need all of these.
Choose the things that actually help someone understand who this person was.
Step 4 — Describe the Person, Not Just Their Resume
Step 4 — Describe the Person, Not Just Their Resume
Some of the most meaningful obituary information isn't found on paperwork.
Ask:
What made them laugh?
What did everyone know them for?
What did they love doing?
What would they always say?
What did they teach people?
What did they do for others?
What will the family miss most?
Maybe they were known for Sunday dinner.
Maybe they never missed a grandchild's ballgame.
Maybe they loved fishing, gardening, motorcycles, quilting, animals, music or terrible jokes.
Maybe everyone knew not to call during their favorite TV show.
Those little details can make an obituary sound like your person, rather than a list of dates.
Step 5 — List Surviving Family
Step 5 — List Surviving Family
A common transition is:
[Name] is survived by...
Families commonly include:
☐ Spouse/partner
☐ Children and their spouses/partners
☐ Grandchildren
☐ Great-grandchildren
☐ Parents
☐ Siblings
☐ Other significant relatives
☐ Close friends
☐ Beloved pets, if appropriate
There isn't one universal rule about who must be listed.
Families are complicated.
Use the relationships that accurately reflect the person's life and your family's wishes.
Step 6 — List Those Who Died Before Them
Step 6 — List Those Who Died Before Them
You may also include:
[Name] was preceded in death by...
This might include:
☐ Parents
☐ Spouse/partner
☐ Children
☐ Grandchildren
☐ Siblings
☐ Other important family members
Again, you don't have to create an entire family tree.
Step 7 — Add the Funeral or Memorial Information
Step 7 — Add the Funeral or Memorial Information
Include confirmed information such as:
Visitation:
Date: __________
Time: __________
Location: __________
Funeral/Memorial Service:
Date: __________
Time: __________
Location: __________
Burial:
Cemetery/location: __________
You can also state that burial will be private or that a celebration of life will be announced later.
Double-check the date, time and address before publishing.
Step 8 — Decide About Flowers or Memorial Donations
Step 8 — Decide About Flowers or Memorial Donations
Families can include instructions such as:
In lieu of flowers, memorial donations may be made to [organization].
Or:
Memorial contributions may be made to the family to assist with funeral expenses.
Or:
The family welcomes flowers or memorial contributions to [organization].
You don't have to include anything at all.
Step 9 — Consider a Closing Line
Step 9 — Consider a Closing Line
A final sentence can capture something meaningful about the person's life.
For example:
They will be deeply missed by the family and friends who loved them.
Or make it personal:
Her family will remember her most for her fierce love, endless laughter and the way she made everyone feel welcome at her table.
A favorite scripture, short quotation or family saying may also be appropriate.
Fill-In-the-Blank Obituary Template
Fill-In-the-Blank Obituary Template
[Full Name], [age], of [city/community], died on [date].
[First name] was born on [date] in [place] to [parents' names].
[He/She/They] [grew up/attended school/worked/served in the military/etc.]. [First name] spent [number] years working as/in __________ and was involved with [church, organizations, community activities, etc.].
More than anything, [first name] loved [family/hobbies/interests/etc.]. [He/She/They] will be remembered for [personality, traditions, stories, humor, kindness, accomplishments or something uniquely theirs].
[First name] is survived by [family members].
[He/She/They] was preceded in death by [family members].
Visitation will be held [date/time/location]. A [funeral/memorial/celebration of life] will be held [date/time/location], with [burial information if applicable].
[Memorial contribution/flower information if desired.]
[Optional personal closing sentence, scripture or brief quotation.]
Before You Publish — Check This
Before You Publish — Check This
☐ Is the person's name spelled correctly?
☐ Is their age correct?
☐ Are the birth and death dates correct?
☐ Are family members' names spelled correctly?
☐ Did anyone important accidentally get left out?
☐ Are relationships correct?
☐ Are the service date and time correct?
☐ Is the location correct?
☐ Is the memorial organization named correctly?
☐ Has another family member proofread it?
☐ Has the funeral home reviewed the service information?
Protect Personal Information
Protect Personal Information
Remember that an obituary is usually public and may remain online for many years.
Think carefully before publishing unnecessary information such as:
Home addresses
Account information
Detailed financial information
Information that could compromise someone's privacy or security
You can tell someone's story without publishing every personal detail.
What If the Death Was From Suicide, Overdose, Homicide or Another Traumatic Event?
What If the Death Was From Suicide, Overdose, Homicide or Another Traumatic Event?
The family decides how much they want to share.
You do not owe the public every detail surrounding someone's death.
Some families choose not to mention the cause.
Others choose to speak openly about suicide, substance use, overdose, violence, illness or mental health because they want to reduce stigma, raise awareness or help another family.
Both approaches can be valid.
The obituary should reflect what the family is comfortable sharing.
What If Our Family Relationships Are Complicated?
What If Our Family Relationships Are Complicated?
You are not alone.
Divorce, remarriage, estrangement, blended families, chosen family, foster relationships and long-term partnerships can make obituary wording difficult.
Focus on accurately and respectfully describing the relationships that were meaningful in the person's life.
There is no requirement that an obituary become a complete genealogy.
Keep It Simple If You Need To
Keep It Simple If You Need To
An obituary can be only a few paragraphs.
You don't have to capture someone's entire life.
Tell people who they were, who loved them, what mattered to them and how they will be remembered.
That is enough.
I’d put two little buttons at the bottom of this page eventually: “Fill-in-the-Blank Obituary Template” and “Help Me Write an Obituary.” The second could invite someone to gather the basic information from this checklist and bring it to PREcovery for navigation/help organizing it.
Writing A Eulogy
Writing A Eulogy
Writing a Eulogy
Writing a Eulogy
You Don't Have to Be a Public Speaker
You Don't Have to Be a Public Speaker
Being asked to give a eulogy can feel like an enormous responsibility.
How do you put an entire person's life into a few minutes—especially when you're grieving too?
You don't have to.
A eulogy isn't meant to tell someone's entire story. It's an opportunity to share who they were, what they meant to you, and something you hope others will remember about them.
It doesn't have to be perfect. It just needs to be genuine.
Step 1 — Start With Memories, Not Sentences
Step 1 — Start With Memories, Not Sentences
Don't worry about writing the speech yet.
Take a piece of paper or open a note on your phone and write down whatever comes to mind.
Think about:
☐ What made them laugh?
☐ What made everyone else laugh about them?
☐ What were they always saying?
☐ What were they really good at?
☐ What were they hilariously bad at?
☐ What did they love?
☐ What traditions did they create?
☐ What did they teach you?
☐ What did they do for other people?
☐ What story immediately comes to mind when you think about them?
☐ What will you miss the most?
Don't edit yourself yet. Just collect memories.
Step 2 — Think About Who They Were
Step 2 — Think About Who They Were
Dates and accomplishments may be part of someone's obituary.
A eulogy can go deeper.
Instead of only saying:
“She was a wonderful grandmother.”
Tell people what made her a wonderful grandmother.
Maybe she called every morning.
Maybe nobody left her house hungry.
Maybe she sat through hundreds of ballgames.
Maybe she slipped the grandchildren money when Grandpa wasn't looking.
Those details help people recognize the person they loved.
Step 3 — Choose Two or Three Things to Focus On
Step 3 — Choose Two or Three Things to Focus On
You don't need twenty stories.
Choose a few themes that represent the person.
For example:
Family
Faith
Friendship
Service to others
Humor
Strength
Generosity
Hard work
Adventure
Recovery
Community
Parenthood
Their ability to make people feel welcome
Then choose one or two memories that illustrate those qualities.
Step 4 — Begin Simply
Step 4 — Begin Simply
You don't need an impressive opening.
You can simply introduce yourself and your relationship to the person.
For example:
“For those who don't know me, I'm Sarah's daughter.”
Then say why you're standing there.
“There are so many things I could tell you about my mom, but when I thought about what I wanted everyone to remember about her, I kept coming back to one thing...”
Now you're started.
Step 5 — Tell a Story
Step 5 — Tell a Story
Stories are often what people remember most.
Choose something that shows who the person was.
It doesn't have to be dramatic.
Some of the best memories are ordinary:
Sunday dinners
Fishing trips
Family vacations
Sitting on the porch
Holiday traditions
Something they always cooked
A ridiculous family story
A phrase they always used
Something they did for strangers
A lesson they taught you
A moment when they showed up when you needed them
A small story can tell people much more than a long list of accomplishments.
Step 6 — It's Okay to Laugh
Step 6 — It's Okay to Laugh
Funerals are sad.
That doesn't mean every word of a eulogy has to be sad.
If the person was funny, tell a funny story.
If they had a ridiculous habit everyone knew about, it's okay to mention it lovingly.
Laughter during a funeral does not disrespect someone's death.
Sometimes laughter is part of remembering their life.
Step 7 — It's Okay to Acknowledge That Life Wasn't Perfect
Step 7 — It's Okay to Acknowledge That Life Wasn't Perfect
You don't have to turn someone into a completely different person because they died.
People are complicated.
Families are complicated.
Relationships can contain love, conflict, mistakes, forgiveness, growth and unfinished business.
You don't have to expose painful private information during a funeral, but you also don't have to create a version of the person that nobody recognizes.
Aim for honesty with kindness.
Step 8 — Decide Whether to Talk About How They Died
Step 8 — Decide Whether to Talk About How They Died
You are not required to discuss the cause of death in a eulogy.
This may be especially important after:
Suicide
Overdose
Substance-related death
Homicide
Traumatic death
A stigmatized illness or circumstance
Some families choose to speak openly.
Others choose to focus entirely on the person's life.
The person's life was bigger than the way they died.
Share only what feels appropriate for you and the family.
Step 9 — Include What They Gave You
Step 9 — Include What They Gave You
Think about what remains because this person lived.
Maybe they taught you:
☐ How to work hard
☐ How to forgive
☐ How to laugh at yourself
☐ How to cook
☐ How to pray
☐ How to love people
☐ How to survive difficult things
☐ How to show up for family
☐ How to serve others
☐ How to start over
This can become the heart of your eulogy.
Step 10 — End With What You Want to Say to Them
Step 10 — End With What You Want to Say to Them
If you're struggling with the ending, imagine the person is sitting in front of you.
What would you want them to hear?
It might be:
Thank you.
I love you.
I'm going to miss you.
We'll take care of each other.
I'll keep telling your stories.
You changed my life.
Sometimes the simplest ending is the strongest one.
A Simple Eulogy Formula
A Simple Eulogy Formula
If you don't know where to begin, use this:
1. INTRODUCE YOURSELF
1. INTRODUCE YOURSELF
“My name is ________, and I am ________'s ________.”
2. SAY WHAT YOU REMEMBER MOST
2. SAY WHAT YOU REMEMBER MOST
“When I think about ________, the first thing I think about is ________.”
3. TELL A STORY
3. TELL A STORY
“One memory that really shows who they were is ________.”
4. EXPLAIN WHAT THAT STORY MEANS
4. EXPLAIN WHAT THAT STORY MEANS
“That was just who ________ was. They always ________.”
5. SHARE WHAT THEY TAUGHT YOU
5. SHARE WHAT THEY TAUGHT YOU
“Because of ________, I learned ________.”
6. SAY WHAT YOU'LL MISS
6. SAY WHAT YOU'LL MISS
“What I'll miss most is ________.”
7. SAY GOODBYE
7. SAY GOODBYE
“________, thank you for ________. We love you, and we will carry you with us.”
Fill-in-the-Blank Eulogy Starter
Fill-in-the-Blank Eulogy Starter
For those who don't know me, my name is __________, and I am __________'s __________.
When I started thinking about what I wanted to say today, I realized there was no way I could fit everything about __________ into a few minutes.
But when I think about __________, I always think about __________.
One of my favorite memories is __________.
That story says so much about who __________ was because __________.
They loved __________, and the people who knew them knew how important __________ was to them.
One thing __________ taught me was __________.
I know everyone here probably has their own story about __________, and I hope we continue telling those stories.
What I will miss most is __________.
__________, thank you for __________.
You were loved. You will be missed. And you will be remembered.
How Long Should a Eulogy Be?
How Long Should a Eulogy Be?
You don't need to speak for a long time to say something meaningful.
If the funeral home, church or officiant has given you a time limit, follow their guidance.
Otherwise, focus less on filling time and more on sharing a few meaningful thoughts and memories.
Short and heartfelt is completely okay.
What If I Cry?
What If I Cry?
You probably might.
That's okay.
Bring a printed copy even if you think you've memorized it.
Use larger print and leave space between paragraphs.
Keep water nearby.
Pause when you need to.
Take a breath.
Nobody attending a funeral expects you to deliver a flawless speech.
They know why you're emotional.
What If I Can't Finish?
What If I Can't Finish?
Ask someone beforehand:
“If I can't finish this, will you come up and read the rest for me?”
Hand them a copy.
Knowing someone is ready to help can make standing up there much easier.
And if they do have to finish it, you still gave the eulogy.
You wrote the words.
Before the Service
Before the Service
☐ Write it down
☐ Read it aloud at least once
☐ Time yourself if necessary
☐ Print a large, easy-to-read copy
☐ Make a backup copy
☐ Give the backup to someone you trust
☐ Bring water
☐ Mark places where you want to pause
☐ Ask someone to finish for you if needed
Remember
Remember
You are not being graded.
You don't have to sound like a professional speaker.
You don't have to explain an entire life.
Tell a story. Say what they meant to you. Say what you will remember.
That's a eulogy.
Funeral Program
Funeral Program
Funeral Program
Funeral Program
Creating a Funeral or Memorial Program
Creating a Funeral or Memorial Program
A funeral program gives guests information about the service and can also become a keepsake for family and friends.
It can be professionally designed, created at home, printed on a single sheet of paper, or skipped entirely.
There is no required format.
A simple program that reflects your loved one can be just as meaningful as an elaborate one.
Step 1 — Gather the Basic Information
Step 1 — Gather the Basic Information
Before designing anything, collect:
☐ Full name of your loved one
☐ Preferred name or nickname
☐ Photograph
☐ Date of birth
☐ Date of death
☐ Service date
☐ Service time
☐ Service location
☐ Officiant
☐ Burial information, if applicable
☐ Names of people participating in the service
Double-check names, dates and spelling before printing.
Step 2 — Choose a Format
Step 2 — Choose a Format
Your program can be as simple or detailed as you want.
Simple One-Page Program
Simple One-Page Program
A single sheet can include:
Name + Photograph
Birth and Death Dates
Service Information
Order of Service
Closing Message
Folded Program
Folded Program
A folded program gives you additional space for:
Obituary
Photographs
Scripture
Poems
Eulogy excerpt
Family acknowledgments
Pallbearers
Memorial information
Memorial Keepsake
Memorial Keepsake
Some families create a more detailed booklet with photographs, memories, life history and messages from family.
Choose what works for your time, budget and family.
Step 3 — Design the Front Cover
Step 3 — Design the Front Cover
The front can be very simple.
Example
Example
In Loving Memory of
Mary Elizabeth Smith
Mary Elizabeth Smith
January 4, 1952 – September 18, 2026
[Photograph]
Celebrating a Life Well Lived
September 24, 2026
First Community Church
Centralia, Illinois
You might also use:
Celebration of Life
In Loving Memory
Forever in Our Hearts
Remembering a Beautiful Life
Homegoing Celebration
Or simply the person's name.
Step 4 — Create the Order of Service
Step 4 — Create the Order of Service
Ask the officiant or funeral director what will happen during the service before finalizing the program.
A service might include:
Order of Service
Order of Service
Prelude
Welcome
Opening Prayer
Scripture or Reading
Music
Obituary
Family Reflections
Eulogy
Special Music
Message
Closing Prayer
Recessional
You don't need all of these.
Your order of service should reflect what is actually planned.
Step 5 — Decide Whether to Include the Obituary
Step 5 — Decide Whether to Include the Obituary
A funeral program can contain the complete obituary, a shortened version, or no obituary at all.
If space is limited, include a short life summary instead.
For example:
Mary devoted her life to her family, faith and community. She spent 32 years as a teacher and was happiest surrounded by her children and grandchildren. She loved gardening, Sunday dinners, old country music and making sure nobody ever left her house hungry.
You can direct family members to the full online obituary if desired.
Step 6 — Add a Scripture, Poem, Prayer or Quote
Step 6 — Add a Scripture, Poem, Prayer or Quote
Choose something that reflects your loved one or brings comfort to the family.
Possible choices include:
☐ Scripture
☐ Prayer
☐ Favorite poem
☐ Favorite saying
☐ Short quotation
☐ Words written by a family member
If you're using someone else's poem, song lyrics or other copyrighted material, make sure you have permission when required. A short original family message is another meaningful option.
Step 7 — Include Family or Participants
Step 7 — Include Family or Participants
You may want to list:
☐ Officiant
☐ Eulogist
☐ Readers
☐ Musicians
☐ Pallbearers
☐ Honorary pallbearers
☐ Military honors
☐ Other participants
Check the spelling of everyone's name.
This is one of those little details that's very easy to miss when everyone is overwhelmed.
Step 8 — Add Photographs
Step 8 — Add Photographs
You can use:
☐ One favorite portrait
☐ Wedding photograph
☐ Family photographs
☐ Childhood photograph
☐ Military photograph
☐ Work photograph
☐ Favorite hobby
☐ Photos throughout their life
You don't have to fit someone's entire photo album into the program.
Sometimes one really good photograph says enough.
Step 9 — Add an Acknowledgment From the Family
Step 9 — Add an Acknowledgment From the Family
A simple thank-you is enough.
Example
Example
The family of Mary Smith sincerely thanks everyone for the prayers, calls, messages, meals, flowers, visits and kindness shown during this difficult time. Your support has meant more than words can express.
You can personalize this however you'd like.
Step 10 — Include Memorial Information
Step 10 — Include Memorial Information
If the family has requested memorial contributions, include clear instructions.
For example:
In lieu of flowers, memorial contributions may be made to __________.
Or:
Memorial contributions may be made to the family to assist with funeral expenses.
If donations are being accepted online, make sure the information is accurate before printing it.
Step 11 — Include Burial or Gathering Information
Step 11 — Include Burial or Gathering Information
If appropriate, tell guests what happens after the service.
For example:
Burial will follow at __________ Cemetery.
Or:
Family and friends are invited to gather for a meal immediately following the service at __________.
If burial is private, simply state:
Interment will be private.
Simple Four-Page Funeral Program Template
Simple Four-Page Funeral Program Template
FRONT COVER
FRONT COVER
In Loving Memory of
______________________________
______________________________
[PHOTO]
________________ – ________________
Birth Date — Death Date
Funeral / Memorial / Celebration of Life
Date: __________________
Time: __________________
Location: ______________________________
INSIDE LEFT — LIFE & MEMORY
INSIDE LEFT — LIFE & MEMORY
Remembering __________________
Remembering __________________
[Insert short obituary, life story, photograph, scripture, poem or personal message.]
INSIDE RIGHT — ORDER OF SERVICE
INSIDE RIGHT — ORDER OF SERVICE
Order of Service
Order of Service
Prelude: ______________________________
Welcome: ______________________________
Opening Prayer: ________________________
Reading/Scripture: _____________________
Music: _________________________________
Family Reflections: ____________________
Eulogy: ________________________________
Message: _______________________________
Closing Prayer: ________________________
Recessional: ___________________________
BACK COVER
BACK COVER
With Gratitude
With Gratitude
The family of ______________________________ sincerely thanks you for your love, prayers, kindness and support during this difficult time.
Pallbearers
Honorary Pallbearers
Burial
Memorial Contributions
[Optional photograph, scripture, quotation or final message]
If You Have Almost No Time
If You Have Almost No Time
You can make a perfectly appropriate program with only:
Front:
Photo
Name
Birth and death dates
Inside:
Order of service
Back:
Thank-you message
That's it.
You don't need a professionally designed booklet to honor someone's life.
Before You Print
Before You Print
☐ Check the person's name
☐ Check birth and death dates
☐ Check service date and time
☐ Check the address
☐ Check everyone's names
☐ Confirm the order of service with the officiant
☐ Confirm burial information
☐ Confirm memorial/donation information
☐ Check photographs
☐ Proofread everything
☐ Have another person proofread it
☐ Print one test copy before printing the rest
How Many Should We Print?
How Many Should We Print?
Consider:
Expected attendance
Family members who may want keepsakes
People unable to attend
Extra copies for children or grandchildren
Copies for a memory box or family records
You don't necessarily need one for every person attending. Couples and families may share.
Keep the Cost Down
Keep the Cost Down
A meaningful program doesn't need specialty paper or professional printing.
Consider:
☐ Printing at home
☐ Using standard paper
☐ Printing black-and-white
☐ Using one folded sheet
☐ Asking a church whether printing is available
☐ Asking a friend or family member to design it
☐ Creating a digital version for people who cannot attend
If money is already tight, spend where it matters most to your family—not because you feel obligated to make every funeral detail elaborate.
Remember
Remember
A funeral program is simply a guide to the service and, if you choose, a small reminder of the person being remembered.
It doesn't have to be expensive or elaborate to become something a family treasures.
Notify & Organize
Notify & Organize
Notify & Organize
Notify & Organize
You Do Not Have to Make Every Call Today
You Do Not Have to Make Every Call Today
After someone dies, you may find yourself repeating the same painful information to many different people.
There may be family to contact, arrangements to make, accounts to review, and paperwork to find.
Start with the people and tasks that need attention first.
Everything does not have to happen at once.
This page can help you keep track of notifications, documents, and next steps.
Start With What Is Urgent
Start With What Is Urgent
Before working through accounts and paperwork, ask:
Are children or dependent adults being cared for?
Are pets safe and being fed?
Is the home secure?
Does anyone need medications, food, or transportation?
Are there appointments or deliveries that need to be canceled?
Is there an employer or school that needs to know right away?
If the death involved an investigation, follow the investigating agency’s instructions before entering a restricted area or moving belongings.
Choose One Person to Help Coordinate
Choose One Person to Help Coordinate
If possible, ask someone you trust to help organize calls and information.
That person might:
Keep a contact list
Write down questions
Take notes during calls
Update relatives with your permission
Organize meals and transportation
Help track paperwork
Helping coordinate does not automatically give someone legal authority over accounts, property, or the estate.
For those questions, visit:
Legal & Financial Things After Someone Dies
Legal & Financial Things After Someone Dies
Decide Who Needs to Know First
Decide Who Needs to Know First
You might begin with:
Close family
Important friends
People who lived with the person
Anyone responsible for children or dependents
The person’s employer
Your own employer
A school or childcare provider
A faith leader or other trusted support person
There is no requirement to notify everyone personally.
You can ask someone else to make calls or share an agreed message.
A Simple Notification Message
A Simple Notification Message
“I’m sorry to share that [name] died on [date]. We are still making arrangements. Please give us some time, and we will share more information when we are ready.”
If you want privacy:
“Please do not post this publicly until the family has notified the people closest to them.”
You do not have to explain the cause of death.
Keep One Notification List
Keep One Notification List
Use a notebook, phone note, or printed checklist.
Person or organization
Contact information
Notified?
Next step
__________
__________
☐
__________
__________
__________
☐
__________
__________
__________
☐
__________
__________
__________
☐
__________
If possible, record who made the notification so the same call is not repeated.
Family, Friends & Community
Family, Friends & Community
Consider people who may not hear through immediate family:
Close coworkers
Neighbors
Extended relatives
Longtime friends
Support-group members
Community organizations
People who regularly provided care or assistance
Relationships are not always visible to other people.
A close friend, unmarried partner, former partner, or chosen-family member may also be deeply affected.
Employers & Schools
Employers & Schools
The Person’s Employer
The Person’s Employer
Ask who handles:
Final employment paperwork
Employer benefits
Personal belongings at work
Return of employer-owned equipment
Request a single contact person when possible.
Your Employer
Your Employer
Ask about:
Bereavement leave
Available paid time off
Schedule adjustments
Documentation requirements
Children’s Schools or Childcare
Children’s Schools or Childcare
Tell a trusted staff member what the child needs them to know.
Ask about:
A safe adult the child can visit
Attendance flexibility
Help with missed assignments
How information will be shared with staff
How the school will respond to questions from other students
Children should not have to repeatedly explain the death to every adult.
Medical Providers & Scheduled Services
Medical Providers & Scheduled Services
Review upcoming appointments and recurring services.
You may need to contact:
Primary-care providers
Specialists
Dentists
Therapists
Pharmacies
Home-health providers
Medical-equipment suppliers
Transportation providers
Ask about canceling appointments, stopping deliveries, or arranging equipment return.
Keep a record of returned equipment and any confirmation numbers.
Benefits, Insurance & Financial Organizations
Benefits, Insurance & Financial Organizations
Make a list of organizations that may need notification.
These may include:
Social Security
Pension or retirement administrators
Life insurance companies
Health insurance providers
Banks and credit unions
Credit-card companies
Mortgage servicers
Other lenders
Public-benefit agencies
Veterans-benefit offices, when applicable
Before making changes, ask:
“What is your process when an account holder dies, and what documents or legal authority do you require?”
The funeral home may report the death to Social Security. Confirm whether that happened, and separately ask about survivor benefits. www.ssa.gov
Social Security: 800-772-1213
Website: What to Do When Someone Dies
Review Household Accounts Carefully
Review Household Accounts Carefully
Make a list of:
Rent or mortgage
Electricity
Water
Gas
Internet
Phone service
Home and vehicle insurance
Security systems
Storage units
Subscriptions
Memberships
Automatic payments
Some services may need to continue for surviving household members or to protect property.
Ask about transferring or updating an account before canceling it.
For financial obligations and account ownership, visit:
Legal & Financial Things After Someone Dies
Legal & Financial Things After Someone Dies
Phones, Email & Digital Accounts
Phones, Email & Digital Accounts
Before closing a phone, email, or other account, consider whether it contains:
Photographs
Important messages
Contacts
Insurance information
Records needed for arrangements
Information needed by the authorized estate representative
Ask the provider about its deceased-user process.
Avoid deleting records or making transactions without appropriate authority.
You do not have to decide today what to do with every digital memory.
Organize Documents in One Place
Organize Documents in One Place
A simple folder system can help.
ARRANGEMENTS
ARRANGEMENTS
Funeral-provider information
Contracts
Cemetery or cremation information
Receipts
Memorial plans
LEGAL & FINANCIAL
LEGAL & FINANCIAL
Will or trust documents
Account statements
Insurance information
Property records
Bills
Attorney correspondence
BENEFITS & APPLICATIONS
BENEFITS & APPLICATIONS
Claim forms
Application copies
Claim numbers
Requests for additional information
Decision letters
FAMILY & SUPPORT
FAMILY & SUPPORT
School contacts
Childcare arrangements
Resource information
Grief-support contacts
Keep sensitive information secure. Share documents only with people who need them.
Keep a Call Log
Keep a Call Log
Grief can make it difficult to remember what someone said.
Write down:
Date and time
Organization
Name of the person you spoke with
Direct number or extension
Reference or claim number
Documents requested
Deadline
Next step
Before ending a call, ask:
“Can you send those instructions in writing?”
“Who should I contact if I have questions?”
Make Three Short Lists
Make Three Short Lists
TODAY
TODAY
Tasks connected to immediate safety, care, or a deadline.
SOON
SOON
Calls and paperwork that need attention next.
LATER
LATER
Decisions that do not need to be made now.
Move tasks between lists as you learn more.
“Later” is a valid place for a task.
Legal and benefit deadlines may still apply, so ask the relevant office before postponing unfamiliar paperwork.
Let People Help With Specific Tasks
Let People Help With Specific Tasks
Instead of trying to explain everything you need, choose one task.
You might say:
“Can you update these three relatives?”
“Can you bring dinner on Thursday?”
“Can you take care of the dogs?”
“Can you sit with me while I make this call?”
“Can you write down what the office tells me?”
“Can you help me organize these envelopes?”
Choose tasks that fit the person’s role and your comfort level.
Protect Your Privacy
Protect Your Privacy
You can decide how much information to share.
Consider:
Who may speak for the family
Whether arrangements will be public
Whether the cause of death will be shared
Who may post photographs
Whether you want calls, texts, or quiet
You can say:
“We appreciate your concern. We are not ready to discuss details.”
Or:
“Please send questions to [name] so we do not have to repeat everything.”
QUICK ORGANIZING CHECKLIST
QUICK ORGANIZING CHECKLIST
☐ Address immediate care and safety needs.
☐ Choose someone to help coordinate.
☐ Notify the people closest to the person.
☐ Contact employers and schools as needed.
☐ Begin a notification list.
☐ Gather important documents.
☐ Review appointments and deliveries.
☐ Identify benefits and insurance contacts.
☐ Review household services before canceling.
☐ Keep a call log and deadline list.
☐ Ask for written instructions.
☐ Leave nonurgent decisions for later.
You do not have to organize an entire life in one afternoon.
One call. One folder. One next step.
Memorial Ideas
Memorial Ideas
Memorial Ideas
Memorial Ideas
Remembering Someone Doesn't End With the Funeral
Remembering Someone Doesn't End With the Funeral
A funeral or memorial service may last only a few hours, but remembering someone can continue for a lifetime.
There is no right way to memorialize someone you love.
Some families create something permanent. Others continue a tradition, support a cause, gather once a year, keep favorite belongings, or simply find small ways to keep the person's memory present in everyday life.
A memorial doesn't have to be expensive to be meaningful.
Here are some ideas to help you find something that feels right for your family.
Create a Memory Table
Create a Memory Table
A memory table can be used at the funeral, celebration of life, family gathering, or at home.
Consider displaying:
☐ Favorite photographs
☐ Wedding photographs
☐ Childhood pictures
☐ Military items
☐ Awards
☐ Artwork
☐ Favorite books
☐ Sports memorabilia
☐ Work-related items
☐ Jewelry
☐ Handwritten recipes
☐ Letters or cards
☐ Something connected to a favorite hobby
☐ Items that immediately remind people of them
You don't need to display everything.
Choose a few things that tell their story.
Create a Memory Book
Create a Memory Book
Ask family and friends to contribute:
Photographs
Favorite memories
Funny stories
Letters
Recipes
Quotes
Drawings
Messages from children
Stories younger family members may not know
Put them together in a scrapbook, binder, photo book, or digital collection.
A memory book can become especially meaningful for children who were very young when the person died.
Create a Memory Jar
Create a Memory Jar
Place slips of paper and pens at the funeral or family gathering.
Ask people to finish a sentence such as:
“I'll always remember when...”
“One thing I loved about you was...”
“You taught me...”
“You always made me laugh when...”
“My favorite memory is...”
Put the memories into a jar or keepsake box.
The family can read them whenever they're ready.
Save Their Handwriting
Save Their Handwriting
A person's handwriting can become a deeply personal keepsake.
Look for:
☐ Signature
☐ Recipe card
☐ Letter
☐ Birthday card
☐ Note
☐ Favorite saying they wrote
☐ “Love, Mom,” “Love, Dad,” or another personal message
Families sometimes use handwriting in:
Framed artwork
Jewelry
Memorial ornaments
Quilts
Tattoos
Recipe books
Memory boxes
Before altering an original document, consider scanning or photographing it so you always have a copy.
Make Something From Their Clothing
Make Something From Their Clothing
Clothing can sometimes be transformed into:
☐ Memory quilt
☐ Pillow
☐ Teddy bear
☐ Christmas ornament
☐ Small keepsake
☐ Framed fabric piece
A favorite shirt, work uniform, flannel, dress, tie or other familiar piece of clothing may hold special memories.
You don't have to decide what to do with clothing immediately.
It's okay to keep things exactly where they are until you're ready.
Preserve Family Recipes
Preserve Family Recipes
Food is often connected to memory.
If your loved one was known for certain meals, desserts or holiday dishes, gather the recipes.
Create:
Grandma's Recipes
Dad's Favorite Meals
Our Family Recipe Book
Include photographs and stories alongside the recipes.
Then continue making one of those foods on birthdays, holidays or family gatherings.
Plant Something in Their Memory
Plant Something in Their Memory
Consider planting:
☐ Tree
☐ Flower garden
☐ Rose bush
☐ Perennial flowers
☐ Butterfly garden
☐ Vegetable garden
Choose something connected to the person if possible.
Maybe they loved roses.
Maybe Grandpa always grew tomatoes.
Maybe Mom loved hummingbirds.
The memorial becomes something the family can continue caring for.
Before planting on public or property you don't own, obtain permission.
Create a Memorial Bench or Place to Sit
Create a Memorial Bench or Place to Sit
A bench can provide a quiet place for family and friends to remember someone.
Possible locations include:
Family property
Church
Cemetery
School
Community location
Park, with permission
Check with the property owner or local organization before purchasing or installing anything.
Create a Photo or Video Tribute
Create a Photo or Video Tribute
Gather photographs and short video clips from different periods of the person's life.
Include:
Childhood
School
Marriage
Children
Holidays
Vacations
Work
Hobbies
Ordinary everyday moments
Ask relatives to contribute pictures you may never have seen.
Save copies in more than one place so the collection isn't lost.
Record Family Stories
Record Family Stories
Photographs can be saved.
Voices and stories are easier to lose.
Ask older relatives and friends to record themselves telling stories about the person.
Ask questions such as:
How did you meet?
What were they like when they were young?
What is the funniest thing you remember?
What were they proud of?
What did they teach you?
What do you want their children or grandchildren to know about them?
These recordings may become incredibly valuable to future generations.
Create a Memory Box
Create a Memory Box
A memory box can hold:
☐ Photographs
☐ Letters
☐ Cards
☐ Jewelry
☐ Small personal belongings
☐ Funeral program
☐ Obituary
☐ Favorite book
☐ Military items
☐ Children's drawings
☐ Handwriting samples
☐ Small pieces of clothing
Families can create one shared box or individual boxes for children and other relatives.
Continue One of Their Traditions
Continue One of Their Traditions
Sometimes the most meaningful memorial isn't an object.
Continue something they loved.
Maybe you:
Make their Christmas candy
Have Sunday dinner
Go fishing on their birthday
Watch their favorite movie
Play their favorite music
Visit a favorite place
Cook their signature meal
Attend the event they never missed
Tell their favorite terrible joke
Traditions allow memories to stay part of family life.
Do Something Good in Their Name
Do Something Good in Their Name
Consider honoring the person through an act of service.
You might:
☐ Donate to a cause they cared about
☐ Volunteer
☐ Sponsor a family
☐ Donate food
☐ Donate school supplies
☐ Support an animal shelter
☐ Give blood
☐ Help another grieving family
☐ Support recovery or mental-health services
☐ Donate to a church or community organization
☐ Create a small scholarship or memorial fund
It doesn't have to be large.
One act of kindness can be a memorial.
Birthday & Anniversary Memorials
Birthday & Anniversary Memorials
Birthdays, death anniversaries and holidays can be difficult.
Some families intentionally plan something for those days.
You might:
☐ Visit the cemetery
☐ Light a candle
☐ Cook their favorite meal
☐ Share photographs
☐ Tell stories
☐ Visit their favorite place
☐ Release flowers or another environmentally appropriate tribute
☐ Donate to charity
☐ Attend church
☐ Write them a letter
☐ Gather as a family
Other families prefer to treat the day like any other day.
Both are okay.
Memorial Ideas for Children
Memorial Ideas for Children
Children may benefit from having something concrete that helps them remember.
Consider:
☐ Memory box
☐ Photo book
☐ Drawing pictures
☐ Writing letters to the person
☐ Keeping a special stuffed animal
☐ Planting flowers
☐ Making an ornament
☐ Creating a scrapbook
☐ Recording family stories
☐ Keeping copies of photographs
☐ Saving cards or handwriting
☐ Making a “Things I Remember” book
Let children participate without forcing them.
Their interest in remembering may change as they grow.
Remember Someone Through Music
Remember Someone Through Music
Create a playlist containing:
Their favorite songs
Music from important moments
Songs that remind family members of them
Hymns or faith music
Songs from their generation
Family members may want copies of the playlist.
Music can bring strong emotions, so it's also okay to put it away and return to it later.
Memorial Jewelry & Keepsakes
Memorial Jewelry & Keepsakes
Some families find comfort in a small item they can carry or wear.
Examples include:
☐ Engraved jewelry
☐ Fingerprint jewelry
☐ Handwriting jewelry
☐ Photo jewelry
☐ Memorial keychain
☐ Small keepsake urn
☐ Birthstone or symbolic jewelry
These items are completely optional.
You don't need to purchase something in order to remember someone.
Create an Online Memorial
Create an Online Memorial
An online space can allow distant family and friends to participate.
It might include:
☐ Obituary
☐ Photographs
☐ Videos
☐ Stories
☐ Guest messages
☐ Service information
☐ Memorial donation information
Consider privacy before posting personal information publicly.
Memorialize Their Recovery or a Difficult Journey
Memorialize Their Recovery or a Difficult Journey
If your loved one's life included recovery, mental-health challenges, cancer, disability, suicide, overdose, or another difficult experience, the family may choose to turn part of that story into something that helps others.
That might mean:
Supporting prevention efforts
Sharing educational resources
Supporting recovery organizations
Participating in awareness events
Donating naloxone
Supporting suicide-prevention programs
Helping another family experiencing the same type of loss
How someone died does not define the entirety of how they lived.
Families decide what parts of their story they want to share.
What Do We Do With Their Belongings?
What Do We Do With Their Belongings?
There is no deadline.
You don't have to clean out a closet because someone says it's time.
You also don't have to keep everything because getting rid of something feels like getting rid of the person.
Consider making three categories when you're ready:
KEEP
KEEP
Items that are personally meaningful.
SHARE
SHARE
Items another family member or friend may treasure.
DONATE
DONATE
Items that could help someone else.
You can also create an “I'm Not Ready” box.
Put uncertain items there and revisit them later.
You Don't Have to Create a Memorial Immediately
You Don't Have to Create a Memorial Immediately
Grief doesn't operate on a schedule.
You may have no idea what you want right now.
That's okay.
Take photographs of important belongings.
Save the things you're unsure about.
Write down ideas.
Come back to them later.
A memorial created six months or five years after someone dies is not too late.
Remember
Remember
The most meaningful memorial may not be the most expensive one.
It might be a recipe.
A photograph.
A tree.
A story told to a grandchild.
A tradition everyone continues.
A kindness done for someone else.
Memorials are simply ways we continue carrying someone's story with us.
Children At Funerals
Children At Funerals
Children at Funerals
Children at Funerals
Should My Child Attend the Funeral?
Should My Child Attend the Funeral?
After someone dies, parents and caregivers often wonder:
Should my child go to the funeral?
Are they too young?
Will seeing people cry scare them?
Should they see the body?
What if they don't want to go?
There isn't one age when a child suddenly becomes “old enough” for a funeral.
What matters more is helping children understand what is going to happen, giving them age-appropriate information, and allowing them to participate in a way that feels comfortable to them.
Whenever possible, give children a choice rather than automatically excluding them or forcing them to participate.
Step 1 — Tell Them What a Funeral Is
Step 1 — Tell Them What a Funeral Is
Children may have never attended a funeral before.
Explain it simply.
You might say:
“A funeral is a time when people who loved Grandma come together because she died. People may talk about her, tell stories, pray, listen to music, cry, laugh, and remember her.”
Use clear words such as died and death.
Especially with younger children, phrases such as:
“went to sleep”
“we lost him”
“went away”
can be confusing.
Step 2 — Explain Exactly What Will Happen
Step 2 — Explain Exactly What Will Happen
Knowing what to expect can make an unfamiliar situation less frightening.
Tell your child:
☐ Where you're going
☐ Who will be there
☐ Approximately how long you'll be there
☐ What the room may look like
☐ Whether there will be a casket or urn
☐ Whether the casket will be open or closed
☐ Whether there will be a burial afterward
☐ That people may cry
☐ That people may also laugh and tell stories
☐ What you expect your child to do
Give them an opportunity to ask questions.
If you don't know an answer, it's okay to say:
“I don't know, but we can find out.”
Step 3 — If There Will Be an Open Casket, Prepare Them
Step 3 — If There Will Be an Open Casket, Prepare Them
Don't let seeing the person's body be a surprise.
Explain beforehand that the person's body will look different.
You can say:
“Grandpa's body will be lying in the casket. Because he died, his body doesn't breathe, move, talk, eat, or feel anything anymore.”
Explain that the funeral home may have changed the person's appearance with clothing, hair styling, makeup, or other preparation.
They may not look exactly the way the child remembers them.
Let the child decide whether they want to approach the casket.
Step 4 — Don't Force Them to Touch or Kiss the Person
Step 4 — Don't Force Them to Touch or Kiss the Person
Some children may want to:
Hold the person's hand
Touch their hair
Give them a kiss
Place something in the casket
Stand nearby
Look from a distance
Another child may want absolutely nothing to do with the casket.
Both responses are okay.
Don't pressure a child to touch, kiss, approach, or view the person.
Step 5 — Give Them Choices
Step 5 — Give Them Choices
Death can make children feel like they have lost control over their world.
Small choices can help.
Ask:
“Would you like to come to the funeral?”
“Would you like to see Grandma before everyone arrives?”
“Would you like to put your picture in the casket?”
“Would you like to choose a photograph for the memory table?”
“Would you like to sit with me or with Aunt Sarah?”
“Would you like to leave if it becomes too much?”
A child can participate without attending every part of the funeral.
Step 6 — Give the Child a Job If They Want One
Step 6 — Give the Child a Job If They Want One
Some children feel more comfortable when they have something specific to do.
They might:
☐ Draw a picture
☐ Write a letter
☐ Choose a photograph
☐ Choose a song
☐ Place flowers
☐ Help create a memory table
☐ Hand out funeral programs
☐ Carry a flower
☐ Read something
☐ Share a memory
☐ Place a small keepsake with the person when appropriate
☐ Help choose something for the memorial
Participation should be offered, not required.
Step 7 — Give Them Their Own Safe Adult
Step 7 — Give Them Their Own Safe Adult
This can be extremely helpful.
Choose a trusted adult who is not the child's primary grieving caregiver to stay available for the child.
That person can:
☐ Sit with them
☐ Answer questions
☐ Take them outside
☐ Find the bathroom
☐ Get a snack
☐ Play quietly with them
☐ Take them home if necessary
This gives the grieving parent or caregiver permission to participate in the service without worrying about whether their child needs to leave.
Step 8 — Let Children Be Children
Step 8 — Let Children Be Children
A child might cry for ten minutes and then ask for a snack.
They might play with another child during visitation.
They might laugh.
They might become restless.
They might ask a completely unrelated question.
They might want to run around five minutes after talking about the person who died.
That doesn't mean they aren't grieving.
Children often move in and out of grief differently than adults.
Step 9 — Prepare Them for Other People's Emotions
Step 9 — Prepare Them for Other People's Emotions
Tell children that they may see adults cry.
They might see someone become very upset.
Explain:
“People cry because they're sad and because they loved Grandpa. Crying doesn't mean something else bad is happening.”
Children should also know:
They do not have to take care of the adults.
It is not their responsibility to make Mom, Dad, Grandma, or anyone else stop crying.
Step 10 — Prepare Them for What People May Say
Step 10 — Prepare Them for What People May Say
Funerals involve lots of adults saying things children may not understand.
They may hear:
“He's in a better place.”
“She's with God.”
“We lost him.”
“She passed away.”
“He looks like he's sleeping.”
Families can explain these statements according to their own beliefs.
For younger children, continue reinforcing the concrete fact:
The person died and their body no longer works.
Step 11 — What About Babies & Toddlers?
Step 11 — What About Babies & Toddlers?
Babies and toddlers can attend funerals.
The biggest questions are usually practical.
Consider:
☐ Who will hold them?
☐ Where can they be changed?
☐ Where can they eat?
☐ Who can take them outside if they become restless?
☐ Is there somewhere quiet for them to sleep?
Having another trusted adult responsible for the child can make the day easier for a grieving parent.
Step 12 — Young Children
Step 12 — Young Children
Young children may ask very direct questions.
They might ask:
“Can Grandma breathe?”
“Is Grandpa cold?”
“When is Mommy coming back?”
“Can he hear me?”
Answer honestly and simply.
You don't have to provide a long explanation.
Children often ask only as much as they're ready to understand.
Step 13 — School-Age Children
Step 13 — School-Age Children
School-age children may understand that death is permanent but still have many questions.
They may worry:
Could this happen to me?
Could Mom die too?
Who will take care of me?
Was this my fault?
Give clear reassurance about things you actually know.
Don't make promises such as “Nothing will ever happen to me.”
Instead, you might say:
“I am here with you, and there are people who love you and will take care of you.”
Step 14 — Teenagers
Step 14 — Teenagers
Teenagers should generally be included in conversations and decisions that affect them.
Don't assume they don't care because they don't show grief the same way adults do.
A teenager might:
Want to sit with friends
Want privacy
Want to speak at the funeral
Refuse to speak
Want to help plan
Want very little involvement
Cry openly
Show almost no emotion
Give them information and choices without demanding a particular emotional response.
Step 15 — What If My Child Doesn't Want to Attend?
Step 15 — What If My Child Doesn't Want to Attend?
Don't automatically assume something is wrong.
Ask why.
Maybe they:
Are frightened
Don't want to see the body
Don't understand what will happen
Don't want people watching them cry
Want to remember the person alive
Simply don't want to attend
Answer questions and offer options.
They might attend the memorial but not the viewing.
They might come before other guests arrive.
They might participate in the burial but not the funeral.
They might choose another way to say goodbye.
Step 16 — Give Them Another Way to Say Goodbye
Step 16 — Give Them Another Way to Say Goodbye
If a child doesn't attend, consider another memorial activity.
They could:
☐ Draw a picture
☐ Write a letter
☐ Plant flowers
☐ Create a memory box
☐ Look through photographs
☐ Visit the cemetery later
☐ Light a candle with an adult
☐ Make a scrapbook
☐ Choose a keepsake
☐ Cook the person's favorite meal
☐ Share favorite memories
A funeral is one way of saying goodbye.
It isn't the only way.
Step 17 — After the Funeral, Check In Again
Step 17 — After the Funeral, Check In Again
Children may have questions later.
Sometimes much later.
Ask:
“What did you think about the funeral?”
“Was there anything that confused you?”
“Did you see anything you want to ask me about?”
“How are you feeling today?”
Then listen.
You don't have to fix every feeling.
When Children Need Additional Support
When Children Need Additional Support
Grief can affect emotions, behavior, concentration, sleep, appetite, relationships, and school.
Children also grieve differently from one another.
Consider seeking additional support when you are concerned about how a child is functioning, their safety, or their ability to cope.
Support might come from:
☐ Parent or caregiver
☐ Trusted family member
☐ School counselor/social worker
☐ Grief support program
☐ Children's bereavement group
☐ Mental-health professional
☐ Pediatric healthcare provider
If a child or teenager is in immediate danger or experiencing a suicide or mental-health crisis, call or text 988. For an immediate life-threatening emergency, call 911.
Quick Checklist Before Taking a Child to a Funeral
Quick Checklist Before Taking a Child to a Funeral
☐ Have I explained what a funeral is?
☐ Does my child know the person died?
☐ Have I explained what they will see?
☐ Have I prepared them if the casket will be open?
☐ Have I explained that people may cry?
☐ Have I allowed questions?
☐ Have I given them choices where possible?
☐ Do they know they don't have to touch or approach the body?
☐ Is there a trusted adult who can leave with them?
☐ Have I told them it's okay to laugh, play, cry, or need a break?
☐ Have I explained what will happen after the service?
Remember
Remember
Children don't need adults to make grief disappear.
They need honest information, choices, reassurance, opportunities to remember, and adults who are willing to listen.
A funeral can be one opportunity for a child to understand what happened, feel included in their family, remember the person who died, and say goodbye in a way that feels right for them.
The Dougy Center recommends explaining the who, what, where, when and why of the service, giving children choices about attendance and participation, and not forcing them to attend. (Dougy Center).
Dougy Center — Kids and Funerals
Affordable Memorial Ideas
Affordable Memorial Ideas
Affordable Memorial Ideas
Affordable Memorial Ideas
You Don't Have to Spend a Lot to Honor Someone Well
You Don't Have to Spend a Lot to Honor Someone Well
When someone dies, families can feel enormous pressure to create the “right” funeral or memorial.
Flowers.
Programs.
Catering.
Decorations.
A large venue.
Expensive keepsakes.
But the amount of money you spend does not measure how much someone was loved.
Some of the most meaningful memorials cost very little—or nothing at all.
Start with the person, not the price tag.
What did they love?
Who mattered to them?
Where did they feel at home?
What would feel like them?
Start With What You Already Have
Start With What You Already Have
Before buying decorations, look around.
Your family may already have everything needed to create a beautiful memorial.
Use:
☐ Photographs
☐ Candles you already own
☐ Favorite books
☐ Quilts
☐ Artwork
☐ Sports memorabilia
☐ Military items
☐ Work items
☐ Favorite hat or jacket
☐ Fishing or hunting gear
☐ Gardening items
☐ Handwritten recipes
☐ Family heirlooms
☐ Favorite records or CDs
☐ Children's drawings
Personal belongings often tell someone's story better than purchased funeral decorations.
Have the Memorial Somewhere Free or Inexpensive
Have the Memorial Somewhere Free or Inexpensive
A memorial doesn't necessarily have to happen at a funeral home.
Depending on availability, rules and permission, families might consider:
☐ Home
☐ Backyard
☐ Church
☐ Community room
☐ Park or pavilion
☐ Family property
☐ Club or organization
☐ Veterans organization
☐ Community center
☐ Another place meaningful to the person
Ask whether a church, organization or community space will donate or reduce the cost of the room.
If you're using a public location, check whether reservations, permits, fees, insurance, or other rules apply.
Have the Memorial Later
Have the Memorial Later
You don't necessarily have to hold a large service immediately after someone dies.
A family might choose a simple burial or cremation first and hold a memorial or celebration of life later.
That can give you time to:
Save money
Allow relatives to travel
Find an affordable location
Gather photographs
Plan without rushing
Wait for better weather
Choose a meaningful date
There is no rule that says everyone has to gather immediately.
Create a Memory Table
Create a Memory Table
Use a table you already have.
Add:
A favorite photograph
A few smaller photos
Personal belongings
A candle
Favorite book
Handwritten recipe
Hat
Work item
Hobby item
Flowers from someone's yard, if appropriate
You don't need professionally designed displays.
Let their belongings tell the story.
Make a Photo Display
Make a Photo Display
Print a few favorite photographs or use pictures the family already has.
Try:
A Life in Pictures
Childhood → school → marriage → children → grandchildren → everyday life
Or simply place photographs around the room.
Family members can also bring their own favorite pictures.
Use a TV for a Slideshow
Use a TV for a Slideshow
Instead of purchasing large photo boards, create a simple slideshow from family photographs.
Play it on:
Television
Laptop
Projector you can borrow
Digital photo frame
Ask family members to send photographs from their phones.
You may discover pictures you've never seen before.
Create a Playlist
Create a Playlist
Music can transform a gathering without costing anything.
Choose:
☐ Their favorite songs
☐ Songs from their younger years
☐ Gospel or worship music
☐ Country music
☐ Rock
☐ Songs connected to family memories
☐ Music they played constantly
Play it quietly during the gathering or choose several songs for the service itself.
Ask People to Tell Stories
Ask People to Tell Stories
Stories are free.
And years later, they may be what the family remembers most.
Ask several people beforehand:
“Would you share one short story about them?”
Or open the floor during the memorial.
Someone may remember a story the immediate family has never heard.
Create a Memory Jar
Create a Memory Jar
Put out:
A jar, basket or box
Pieces of paper
Pens
Add a sign:
Share a Memory
Share a Memory
Tell us something you remember about __________.
Guests can leave stories for the family.
Take the notes home and save them.
Write Letters
Write Letters
Invite family and friends to write:
Dear Mom...
Dear Dad...
Dear Grandma...
Dear __________...
Letters can be read during the memorial or kept privately.
Children can draw pictures instead.
Have a Potluck
Have a Potluck
Food does not have to be catered.
If people keep asking:
“What can I do?”
Give them something to do.
Ask people to bring:
☐ Main dishes
☐ Side dishes
☐ Desserts
☐ Drinks
☐ Paper products
☐ Ice
You might even serve the person's favorite foods.
Grandma's chili.
Dad's barbecue.
Mom's favorite cake.
The meal itself can become part of remembering them.
Ask for Help Instead of Buying Everything
Ask for Help Instead of Buying Everything
People often genuinely want to help after a death but don't know what the family needs.
Ask.
Someone might:
☐ Print programs
☐ Bring food
☐ Make a slideshow
☐ Take photographs
☐ Provide music
☐ Bring folding chairs
☐ Loan tables
☐ Arrange flowers
☐ Watch children
☐ Clean afterward
☐ Set up the room
☐ Bring coffee and drinks
Community support can reduce both the cost and the amount the grieving family has to manage.
Print a Simple Program at Home
Print a Simple Program at Home
You don't need professionally printed memorial booklets.
A single folded sheet can include:
Front:
Name + photograph + dates
Inside:
Order of service
Back:
Thank-you message or favorite saying
Or skip printed programs completely.
See our Funeral Program page for a simple template.
Use Digital Invitations
Use Digital Invitations
Instead of purchasing invitations, notify people through:
Text
Email
Family group messages
Social media
Online obituary
Church/community announcements
Include:
Name
Date
Time
Location
What type of gathering it is
Whether guests should bring anything
Use Flowers From Home
Use Flowers From Home
If appropriate and available, consider:
☐ Garden flowers
☐ Wildflowers that may legally be collected
☐ Flowers from family members' yards
☐ Potted plants the family already owns
☐ Greenery
You can also skip flowers entirely.
A photograph and a few meaningful belongings can be enough.
Use One Main Photograph
Use One Main Photograph
You don't need twenty framed pictures.
Choose one photograph you love.
Place it somewhere visible.
Add a candle, flowers, or one personal belonging if you'd like.
Simple can be beautiful.
Hold a Candlelight Gathering
Hold a Candlelight Gathering
Gather family and friends.
Light candles.
Play a favorite song.
Say the person's name.
Read something meaningful.
Allow people to share memories.
Close with a prayer, poem, moment of silence, or favorite saying.
It doesn't have to be complicated.
Have a Memorial Walk
Have a Memorial Walk
Choose a place the person loved.
Family and friends can walk together and share memories.
It could be:
A neighborhood
Park
Trail
Farm
Lake
Community
Other meaningful place
Check property rules and obtain permission when needed.
Plant Something
Plant Something
A packet of seeds or a small plant can become a living memorial.
Plant:
☐ Flowers
☐ Tree
☐ Rose bush
☐ Vegetable garden
☐ Butterfly garden
Choose something connected to the person.
Maybe Grandpa always grew tomatoes.
Plant tomatoes.
That can mean more than an expensive memorial item.
Create a Memorial From Their Favorite Hobby
Create a Memorial From Their Favorite Hobby
Think about what the person actually loved.
Fisherman?
Fisherman?
Display their fishing pole and favorite photograph.
Quilter?
Quilter?
Display one of their quilts.
Cook?
Cook?
Make their favorite recipe.
Musician?
Musician?
Play their music.
Gardener?
Gardener?
Give guests seeds.
Sports fan?
Sports fan?
Wear team colors.
Motorcycle enthusiast?
Motorcycle enthusiast?
Invite friends to ride together.
Person of faith?
Person of faith?
Gather at their church and include favorite scripture or music.
Someone in recovery?
Someone in recovery?
Consider supporting a recovery organization or helping another person beginning recovery.
Make the memorial about their life, not what a funeral is “supposed” to look like.
Create a Free Digital Memorial
Create a Free Digital Memorial
Create a private family album or online memorial where people can contribute:
☐ Photos
☐ Videos
☐ Stories
☐ Voice recordings
☐ Letters
☐ Favorite memories
This can be especially helpful when relatives live far away.
Think carefully about privacy before publishing personal information publicly.
Give Guests Something You Already Have
Give Guests Something You Already Have
You don't need to purchase memorial favors.
If the person collected something inexpensive or had something meaningful in abundance, family members might choose to share it.
Examples:
Recipe cards
Bookmarks made at home
Copies of a favorite recipe
Seeds from their garden
Printed photographs
Small handwritten notes
Sometimes the most meaningful keepsake costs pennies.
Skip the Things That Don't Matter to Your Family
Skip the Things That Don't Matter to Your Family
You are allowed to say no.
You don't necessarily need:
☐ Expensive flowers
☐ Catered meal
☐ Large venue
☐ Custom decorations
☐ Memorial favors
☐ Professionally printed programs
☐ Matching displays
☐ Expensive urn display
☐ Elaborate reception
Ask yourself:
“Are we doing this because it matters to us—or because we think we're supposed to?”
If it doesn't matter to your family, you can leave it out.
A Memorial for Almost No Money
A Memorial for Almost No Money
If the budget is extremely limited, try this:
Choose a place.
Choose a place.
Home, church, family property, or another available low-cost location.
Choose one photograph.
Choose one photograph.
Put it somewhere everyone can see.
Choose three songs.
Choose three songs.
Play music they loved.
Ask three people to speak.
Ask three people to speak.
Share memories.
Put out paper and pens.
Put out paper and pens.
Let everyone leave a memory for the family.
Share simple food.
Share simple food.
Ask people to bring something if needed.
End together.
End together.
A prayer.
A favorite saying.
A song.
A moment of silence.
A final story.
That's a memorial.
Don't Go Into Debt Trying to Prove You Loved Someone
Don't Go Into Debt Trying to Prove You Loved Someone
When families are grieving, it can be easy to feel that choosing something less expensive means they aren't doing enough.
It doesn't.
If spending money on a memorial means struggling with:
Rent
Mortgage
Utilities
Food
Medication
Transportation
Childcare
Existing debt
stop and reconsider the plan.
A meaningful memorial can be simple, and consumer funeral guidance recommends deciding what the family can realistically afford before making arrangements. (Funerals.org)
Remember
Remember
Love isn't measured by flowers, decorations, catering, or the size of a funeral.
People remember the photographs.
The stories.
The music.
The laughter.
The person who stood up and said, “Let me tell you something about them.”
Sometimes the most meaningful memorial is simply bringing the people who loved someone together and giving them permission to remember.
Meaningful doesn't have to mean expensive.
Veterans & Military Families
Veterans & Military Families
Veterans & Military Families
Veterans & Military Families
If Your Loved One Served in the Military, Start Here
If Your Loved One Served in the Military, Start Here
If the person who died served in the U.S. military, don't assume your family has to pay for everything on its own.
Depending on the Veteran's service, discharge status, circumstances of death, burial location and family eligibility, federal, state and county benefits may help with:
Funeral and burial expenses
Cemetery expenses
Transportation of remains
Burial in a national cemetery
Headstones or grave markers
Burial flags
Military funeral honors
Survivor benefits
Monthly benefits for some surviving spouses, children or parents
Some benefits are automatic in certain circumstances. Others require an application.
Before paying for everything yourself, find out what benefits may be available.
Step 1 — Tell the Funeral Home They Were a Veteran
Step 1 — Tell the Funeral Home They Were a Veteran
Tell the funeral director as soon as possible:
“My loved one was a Veteran. Please help us identify any military burial benefits and honors they may qualify for.”
Ask specifically about:
☐ Military funeral honors
☐ Burial flag
☐ National cemetery eligibility
☐ Government headstone or marker
☐ VA burial allowance
☐ Transportation benefits
☐ Veteran cemetery options
Don't assume the funeral home has automatically applied for every benefit available to the family.
Ask what they are handling and what you still need to apply for yourself.
Step 2 — Find the Veteran's Military Discharge Papers
Step 2 — Find the Veteran's Military Discharge Papers
One of the most important documents is usually the Veteran's:
DD Form 214 — Certificate of Release or Discharge from Active Duty
DD Form 214 — Certificate of Release or Discharge from Active Duty
Other military discharge documents may also establish service.
Look in:
☐ Important-document files
☐ Safe or lockbox
☐ Veteran's paperwork
☐ Military records
☐ Family records
☐ Attorney's files
☐ Bank safe-deposit box, if legally accessible
If you can't locate discharge documents, don't give up.
Military records may be obtainable through government records systems, and a Veterans Service Officer can help determine what documentation is needed.
Do not send original military documents when a copy is accepted.
Step 3 — Gather the Other Information You'll Need
Step 3 — Gather the Other Information You'll Need
Start a folder for Veteran-related paperwork.
Gather what you can:
☐ Death certificate
☐ DD214 or other discharge documentation
☐ Veteran's Social Security number
☐ VA claim/file number, if known
☐ Marriage certificate
☐ Birth certificates for dependent children
☐ Funeral home information
☐ Funeral contract
☐ Itemized funeral bill
☐ Cemetery bill
☐ Transportation receipts
☐ Receipts showing who paid expenses
☐ Bank information if benefits will be deposited electronically
You may not need everything for every benefit.
Step 4 — Check National Cemetery Eligibility
Step 4 — Check National Cemetery Eligibility
Eligible Veterans and certain family members may qualify for burial in a VA national cemetery.
For eligible burials, benefits can include a gravesite, opening and closing of the grave, government burial liner, government headstone or marker, and perpetual care.
Eligible Veterans may also qualify for a burial flag, Presidential Memorial Certificate and military funeral honors.
These national-cemetery burial benefits are provided at no cost to the family.
Cremated remains can also be buried or inurned in a national cemetery.
National Cemetery Scheduling Office
National Cemetery Scheduling Office
800-535-1117
Ask:
“Is my loved one eligible for burial in a VA national cemetery, and what benefits would be included?”
Step 5 — Ask for Military Funeral Honors
Step 5 — Ask for Military Funeral Honors
Eligible Veterans may receive military funeral honors.
Tell the funeral director that the family wants military honors and ask them to help make the request.
Military funeral honors can become an important part of the service even when the Veteran is buried in a private cemetery rather than a national cemetery.
Don't assume honors happen automatically.
Ask.
Step 6 — Request a Burial Flag
Step 6 — Request a Burial Flag
An eligible Veteran may qualify for a United States burial flag.
The flag may be used to:
Drape the casket
Accompany the urn
Honor the Veteran's military service
Generally, one burial flag is provided for an eligible Veteran.
Ask the funeral director about obtaining the flag or contact the VA for assistance.
Step 7 — Ask About a Government Headstone or Marker
Step 7 — Ask About a Government Headstone or Marker
Eligible Veterans may qualify for a government-furnished:
Headstone
Grave marker
Medallion in certain circumstances
Veterans buried in private cemeteries may still qualify for certain federal memorial benefits.
Before ordering an expensive private marker, ask:
“Does the Veteran qualify for a government headstone, marker or medallion?”
Also ask the cemetery about installation charges and cemetery rules.
Step 8 — Check Illinois Help With the Marker
Step 8 — Check Illinois Help With the Marker
Illinois has an additional benefit that families may overlook.
When the federal government provides an eligible Veteran's headstone or marker, the Illinois Department of Veterans' Affairs currently provides up to $125 toward setting the marker.
Ask a Veterans Service Officer whether the Veteran and cemetery arrangement qualify.
Step 9 — Apply for the VA Burial Allowance
Step 9 — Apply for the VA Burial Allowance
Some families may qualify for money toward a Veteran's funeral and burial expenses.
This is commonly called the:
Veterans Burial Allowance
Veterans Burial Allowance
Eligibility depends on the Veteran's circumstances and the person or organization that paid the expenses.
Potential benefits can include:
☐ Burial/funeral allowance
☐ Plot or interment allowance
☐ Transportation reimbursement in qualifying circumstances
For qualifying non-service-connected deaths occurring on or after October 1, 2025, the VA currently lists:
Up to $1,002 toward burial/funeral expenses
and
Up to $1,002 toward plot/interment expenses
Different rules and amounts apply to service-connected deaths and other circumstances.
Do not assume everyone automatically receives these amounts. Eligibility rules apply.
Step 10 — If the Death May Be Service-Connected, Say So
Step 10 — If the Death May Be Service-Connected, Say So
This is important.
If the Veteran died because of an illness, injury or condition that may have been caused or worsened by military service, tell the Veterans Service Officer.
Service-connected deaths can be treated differently for burial and survivor benefits.
Examples might involve an already recognized service-connected condition or another condition the family believes was connected to military service.
Don't decide eligibility yourself.
Ask:
“Could this death potentially qualify as service-connected?”
Let an accredited Veterans representative help determine the appropriate claim.
Step 11 — Don't Miss the Filing Deadline
Step 11 — Don't Miss the Filing Deadline
Deadlines vary depending on the benefit and circumstances.
For certain non-service-connected burial allowance claims, the VA generally requires filing within two years after burial.
There are exceptions.
For example, the VA states there is no filing deadline for certain service-connected burial or transportation allowance claims, and some other burial benefits also have different time limits.
The safest approach is to start as soon as possible.
Step 12 — Get Free Help From a Veterans Service Officer
Step 12 — Get Free Help From a Veterans Service Officer
Families do not have to figure this out alone.
A Veterans Service Officer can help determine:
Which benefits may apply
Which forms are needed
What evidence is required
Whether the death could be service-connected
Whether survivors may qualify for additional benefits
Whether Illinois or county programs may help
Illinois Department of Veterans' Affairs
Illinois Department of Veterans' Affairs
Ask for the nearest Veteran Service Officer (VSO).
A trained VSO can assist with benefit applications.
You should not have to pay someone simply to tell you which VA benefits may be available.
Step 13 — Check County Veterans Assistance
Step 13 — Check County Veterans Assistance
Illinois counties may have Veterans Assistance Commissions or other county Veteran-service resources.
This is especially important when the family cannot afford the funeral.
Illinois law provides for county Veterans Assistance Commissions to provide burial assistance for certain honorably discharged indigent Veterans and certain eligible family members who do not have sufficient means to pay funeral expenses.
If money is a problem, say that directly:
“We cannot afford the funeral. Is there county Veterans burial assistance available?”
Do this before assuming the family must borrow the money.
Step 14 — Check Survivor Benefits
Step 14 — Check Survivor Benefits
Burial assistance isn't the only benefit to investigate.
Certain surviving family members may qualify for ongoing VA benefits.
Ask specifically about:
Dependency and Indemnity Compensation — DIC
Dependency and Indemnity Compensation — DIC
DIC is a tax-free benefit that may be available to qualifying surviving spouses, children or parents under specific circumstances.
VA Survivors Pension
VA Survivors Pension
Certain surviving spouses and unmarried dependent children of qualifying wartime Veterans may be eligible for a needs-based Survivors Pension.
Accrued Benefits
Accrued Benefits
There may also be VA benefits that were due to the Veteran before death but had not yet been paid.
Ask the VSO:
“Please screen this family for every survivor benefit—not just burial benefits.”
Step 15 — Check Benefits for Children
Step 15 — Check Benefits for Children
If the Veteran left children behind, tell the VSO.
Eligibility can depend on:
Age
School attendance
Disability
Dependency
Circumstances of the Veteran's service and death
Don't assume a child is ineligible because the surviving parent isn't receiving a particular benefit.
Have each potentially eligible survivor screened.
Step 16 — Check Social Security Too
Step 16 — Check Social Security Too
VA survivor benefits and Social Security survivor benefits are different programs.
The family should also check whether a spouse or children qualify for:
Social Security survivor benefits
The Social Security lump-sum death payment, when applicable
Receiving or applying for one type of benefit does not mean you've automatically applied for the other.
See our Money, Benefits & Insurance section for additional help.
Step 17 — Check Employer, Pension & Military-Related Benefits
Step 17 — Check Employer, Pension & Military-Related Benefits
Military service doesn't replace other benefits the person may have had.
Also investigate:
☐ Employer life insurance
☐ Private life insurance
☐ Retirement benefits
☐ Pension benefits
☐ Union benefits
☐ Military retirement-related survivor benefits
☐ Accidental death coverage
☐ Veteran organization benefits
☐ Credit union or bank insurance benefits
☐ Unclaimed property
The family may have several different sources of assistance.
Step 18 — Ask About a Presidential Memorial Certificate
Step 18 — Ask About a Presidential Memorial Certificate
Eligible families may request a:
Presidential Memorial Certificate
Presidential Memorial Certificate
This is an engraved certificate signed by the current President honoring the Veteran's military service.
For qualifying Veterans buried in a national cemetery, the next of kin generally receives one at burial.
Families or close friends of other eligible Veterans may also apply.
This benefit is provided at no cost.
Step 19 — If the Veteran Is Being Buried in a Private Cemetery
Step 19 — If the Veteran Is Being Buried in a Private Cemetery
Veteran benefits don't necessarily disappear because the family chooses a private cemetery.
Depending on eligibility, benefits may still include:
☐ Government headstone or marker
☐ Medallion
☐ Burial flag
☐ Presidential Memorial Certificate
☐ Military funeral honors
☐ Possible burial allowance
Ask about each benefit individually.
Step 20 — Before Paying the Full Funeral Bill
Step 20 — Before Paying the Full Funeral Bill
Stop and ask:
Have we checked:
Have we checked:
☐ VA burial allowance?
☐ National cemetery eligibility?
☐ County Veterans assistance?
☐ Illinois Veteran benefits?
☐ Military funeral honors?
☐ Burial flag?
☐ Government headstone or marker?
☐ Transportation reimbursement?
☐ DIC?
☐ Survivors Pension?
☐ Accrued VA benefits?
☐ Social Security survivor benefits?
☐ Life insurance?
☐ Employer benefits?
☐ Pension or retirement benefits?
If not, there may still be resources worth investigating.
Questions to Take to the Funeral Home
Questions to Take to the Funeral Home
You can copy this list:
My loved one was a Veteran.
☐ Will you help request military funeral honors?
☐ Will you help obtain the burial flag?
☐ Do you need the DD214?
☐ Can you help coordinate national cemetery burial?
☐ What Veteran benefits are you applying for?
☐ Which benefits do I need to apply for myself?
☐ Do you accept pending VA or other approved benefits?
☐ What must we pay before services?
☐ Are there cemetery or marker costs that Veteran benefits may cover?
Questions to Take to a Veterans Service Officer
Questions to Take to a Veterans Service Officer
My loved one died, and they served in the military. Please screen our family for all available benefits.
Ask about:
☐ Burial allowance
☐ Plot/interment allowance
☐ Transportation reimbursement
☐ National cemetery burial
☐ Military funeral honors
☐ Burial flag
☐ Headstone/marker/medallion
☐ Presidential Memorial Certificate
☐ Illinois Veteran benefits
☐ County Veterans assistance
☐ DIC
☐ Survivors Pension
☐ Accrued benefits
☐ Benefits for dependent children
☐ Whether the death could be service-connected
If You Can't Find the DD214
If You Can't Find the DD214
Don't stop the process because you can't find the Veteran's discharge paperwork.
Tell the funeral home or Veterans Service Officer:
“We know they served, but we cannot locate their military discharge records.”
Ask for help locating acceptable service documentation.
If You Cannot Afford the Funeral
If You Cannot Afford the Funeral
Say so immediately.
Tell the funeral home.
Tell the Veterans Service Officer.
Contact the county Veterans assistance program.
Check VA burial benefits.
Check life insurance and survivor benefits.
Then review our:
I Can't Afford the Funeral — Start Here
I Can't Afford the Funeral — Start Here
Don't borrow thousands of dollars before finding out whether benefits or assistance may be available.
Helpful Starting Points
Helpful Starting Points
U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs
U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs
VA Benefits: 800-827-1000
National Cemetery Scheduling Office
National Cemetery Scheduling Office
800-535-1117
Use this number when arranging an eligible burial in a national cemetery.
Illinois Department of Veterans' Affairs
Illinois Department of Veterans' Affairs
Ask to be connected with a Veteran Service Officer who can help screen the family for state and federal benefits
Remember to Check These Resources
Remember to Check These Resources
Military service may open the door to burial, memorial and survivor benefits that families don't always know exist.
Before assuming:
“We have to pay for all of this ourselves,”
ask:
“What did their military service make our family eligible for?”
One phone call to a Veterans Service Officer may uncover benefits you didn't know to ask about.
And these are the clickable official links I'd attach to those headings:
Money, Benefits & Insurance
Money, Benefits & Insurance
Money, Benefits & Insurance
Money, Benefits & Insurance
Before You Assume There Is No Money Available, Check
Before You Assume There Is No Money Available, Check
After someone dies, families often focus immediately on the funeral bill.
But there may be money, insurance, benefits, wages, retirement funds, survivor benefits or other assets that the family doesn't know about yet.
Some benefits require an application. Some have deadlines. And applying for one program does not automatically check every other program.
Use this page as your checklist.
Step 1 — Start a Benefits Folder
Step 1 — Start a Benefits Folder
Gather what you can:
☐ Death certificates
☐ Social Security number
☐ Marriage certificate
☐ Birth certificates for children
☐ Divorce paperwork, if applicable
☐ Employer information
☐ Military discharge papers, if applicable
☐ Bank statements
☐ Insurance paperwork
☐ Retirement or pension statements
☐ Tax returns
☐ Pay stubs
☐ Union information
☐ Funeral contract and itemized bill
☐ Receipts for expenses already paid
You may not need every document.
Don't delay asking about benefits just because you haven't found everything yet.
Step 2 — Contact Social Security
Step 2 — Contact Social Security
Certain surviving family members may qualify for monthly Social Security survivor benefits based on the work history of the person who died.
Potentially eligible survivors can include certain:
Spouses
Divorced spouses
Children
Dependent parents
A qualifying spouse or, in some circumstances, qualifying children may also receive the one-time $255 Social Security lump-sum death payment.
Social Security Administration
Social Security Administration
800-772-1213
TTY: 800-325-0778
Ask:
“My family member died. I need to find out whether anyone in the family qualifies for survivor benefits or the lump-sum death payment.”
Don't forget to ask about every potentially eligible child and about surviving divorced-spouse benefits when applicable.
Step 3 — Contact Their Employer
Step 3 — Contact Their Employer
Call Human Resources, payroll or the business owner.
Say:
“________ died, and I need to know what benefits, wages, insurance, retirement funds or other payments may be due.”
Ask specifically about:
☐ Employer life insurance
☐ Supplemental life insurance
☐ Accidental death insurance
☐ Final paycheck
☐ Unpaid wages
☐ Bonuses or commissions
☐ Unused paid time off, if payable
☐ Retirement account
☐ Pension
☐ Survivor pension
☐ Union benefits
☐ Other employer-sponsored benefits
Don't just ask whether they had life insurance.
Ask for a complete review of benefits associated with their employment.
Step 4 — Contact Former Employers Too
Step 4 — Contact Former Employers Too
People sometimes leave retirement accounts, pensions or other vested benefits behind after changing jobs.
Make a list of significant former employers and ask whether the person had:
☐ Retirement accounts
☐ Pension benefits
☐ Deferred compensation
☐ Other vested benefits
Step 5 — Search for Life Insurance
Step 5 — Search for Life Insurance
Don't assume there wasn't a policy because nobody knows about one.
Look through:
☐ Home files
☐ Safe or lockbox
☐ Bank statements
☐ Credit-card statements
☐ Email
☐ Mail
☐ Tax records
☐ Employer paperwork
☐ Union paperwork
☐ Mortgage or loan documents
☐ Insurance-agent records
Look for recurring payments to insurance companies.
Remember that someone can have more than one policy.
Step 6 — Use the Illinois Life Policy Locator
Step 6 — Use the Illinois Life Policy Locator
If you believe the person may have had life insurance or an annuity but can't locate the company or policy, use the Illinois Department of Insurance Life Policy Locator Service.
This state service helps consumers search for individual life-insurance policies or annuity contracts belonging to a deceased family member.
This is particularly helpful when:
“I know they had insurance, but I don't know which company.”
or
“We think there was a policy, but we can't find the paperwork.”
Step 7 — Contact the Insurance Company
Step 7 — Contact the Insurance Company
Once you locate a policy, ask:
☐ Is the policy active?
☐ Who is the beneficiary?
☐ What documents are required?
☐ Do you need a certified death certificate?
☐ What claim form is required?
☐ How do we submit the claim?
☐ Is any additional documentation required?
☐ How will the beneficiary receive payment?
If the funeral needs to be paid before the insurance claim is completed, ask the funeral home whether it accepts life-insurance assignments and what fees or conditions apply.
Step 8 — Check Retirement & Pension Benefits
Step 8 — Check Retirement & Pension Benefits
Look for:
☐ 401(k)
☐ 403(b)
☐ IRA
☐ Roth IRA
☐ Pension
☐ Government retirement
☐ Deferred compensation
☐ Military retirement-related benefits
☐ Other retirement accounts
Contact the plan administrator and ask about beneficiary and survivor procedures.
Because retirement distributions can have tax consequences, beneficiaries may want professional tax or financial guidance before making major withdrawal decisions.
Step 9 — Check Union & Membership Benefits
Step 9 — Check Union & Membership Benefits
If the person belonged to a union, trade organization, professional association, fraternal organization, Veterans organization or other membership group, ask whether it provides:
☐ Death benefits
☐ Life insurance
☐ Funeral assistance
☐ Survivor assistance
☐ Benevolent funds
☐ Scholarships for surviving children
Step 10 — Check Banks & Credit Unions
Step 10 — Check Banks & Credit Unions
Contact the person's bank or credit union through its official channels.
Ask about:
☐ Payable-on-death beneficiaries
☐ Life-insurance benefits
☐ Accidental-death benefits
☐ Loan protection
☐ Credit insurance
☐ Other member benefits
Ownership and estate rules matter, so ask what documentation is required before making assumptions about who can access an account.
Step 11 — Check Mortgage, Loan & Credit Paperwork
Step 11 — Check Mortgage, Loan & Credit Paperwork
Review:
Mortgage documents
Vehicle loans
Personal loans
Credit cards
Look for insurance or protection products that may pay or reduce a balance after death.
Do not assume you personally owe someone's debt simply because a creditor sends a bill or asks for payment.
When you're unsure, get legal guidance before paying the deceased person's debts with your own money.
Step 12 — Search Illinois ICash
Step 12 — Search Illinois ICash
The person may have forgotten money or property being held by the State of Illinois.
Search Illinois ICash using the deceased person's name.
Also try:
Previous names
Maiden names
Previous communities
Variations of the person's name
If property appears, follow the state's process for claiming property belonging to someone who has died.
Step 13 — Check Veterans Benefits
Step 13 — Check Veterans Benefits
If the person served in the U.S. military, review our Veterans & Military Families information.
Potential resources may include:
☐ Burial allowance
☐ Cemetery benefits
☐ Military funeral honors
☐ Burial flag
☐ Government headstone or marker
☐ Survivor benefits
☐ Benefits for dependent children
☐ Illinois and county Veteran assistance
Military service can create an entirely separate group of benefits.
Step 14 — Consider Whether the Cause of Death Opens Other Resources
Step 14 — Consider Whether the Cause of Death Opens Other Resources
Violent Crime or Homicide
Violent Crime or Homicide
The Illinois Crime Victims Compensation Program may help eligible victims and families with expenses related to violent crime, including funeral and burial expenses.
Work-Related Death
Work-Related Death
Ask about workers' compensation, employer insurance and other applicable benefits.
Vehicle Crash
Vehicle Crash
Check automobile insurance and other applicable coverage.
Other Accidental Death
Other Accidental Death
Look for accidental-death coverage through personal insurance, employment, memberships or other policies.
Suicide or Overdose
Suicide or Overdose
Don't automatically assume life insurance or other benefits will not pay.
Locate the policy and let the insurer determine coverage under its actual terms.
Step 15 — Check Public Benefits
Step 15 — Check Public Benefits
If the person or household received public benefits, contact the appropriate agency to report the death and find out what happens next.
The death may affect programs involving:
Medical coverage
Food assistance
Cash assistance
Housing
Disability-related benefits
Other assistance
If children or another household member remain eligible, ask:
“What does the surviving household need to do so their benefits are not unnecessarily interrupted?”
Step 16 — Don't Forget Taxes
Step 16 — Don't Forget Taxes
A final federal and Illinois income-tax return may still need to be filed.
There could also be:
A tax refund
Prior-year returns that need attention
Estate-related tax matters
Tax documents arriving after the death
Keep tax documents together.
A surviving spouse, executor, administrator or other authorized representative may need to handle the returns.
Complicated estates may require professional tax or legal assistance.
Step 17 — Track Everything
Step 17 — Track Everything
Create one master list.
For every resource, write down:
☐ Program/company
☐ Date contacted
☐ Person you spoke with
☐ Phone number
☐ Claim/application number
☐ Documents requested
☐ Potential amount or benefit
☐ Current status
☐ Next step
☐ Follow-up date
Grief makes remembering details difficult. Write everything down.
If You Need Money for the Funeral Right Now
If You Need Money for the Funeral Right Now
Finding benefits doesn't necessarily mean the money will arrive before the funeral home wants payment.
Ask the funeral home:
“Will you accept documentation showing that insurance or benefits are pending?”
Also ask about:
☐ Life-insurance assignment
☐ Illinois funeral/burial assistance
☐ Veterans assistance
☐ Crime Victims Compensation when applicable
☐ Payment arrangements
☐ Direct cremation
☐ Lower-cost burial options
☐ Removing optional funeral expenses
Then review our:
I Can't Afford the Funeral — Start Here
I Can't Afford the Funeral — Start Here
Important — Don't Automatically Pay Every Bill
Important — Don't Automatically Pay Every Bill
Bills may begin arriving quickly after someone dies.
That doesn't necessarily mean the person receiving the bill is personally responsible for paying it.
Before using your own money to pay the deceased person's credit cards, medical bills, loans or other debts, determine whether the debt belongs to the estate and whether you have any personal legal responsibility.
When you're unsure, seek legal assistance before paying.
Official Money, Benefits & Insurance Resources
Official Money, Benefits & Insurance Resources
Social Security — What to Do When Someone Dies
Social Security — What to Do When Someone Dies
Information about reporting a death, monthly survivor benefits and the one-time death payment.
Social Security: 800-772-1213
TTY: 800-325-0778
Social Security Survivor Benefits
Social Security Survivor Benefits
Check possible benefits for eligible spouses, former spouses, children and dependent parents.
Survivor eligibility and benefit amounts depend on the person's circumstances and the deceased worker's Social Security record.
Social Security Lump-Sum Death Payment
Social Security Lump-Sum Death Payment
Certain qualifying spouses or children may receive the one-time $255 payment.
The application generally must be made within two years of the death.
Illinois Life Policy Locator
Illinois Life Policy Locator
Use this when you believe the deceased may have had a life-insurance policy or annuity but you don't know where it is.
Illinois Department of Insurance Consumer Assistance:
866-445-5364
Illinois ICash — Unclaimed Property
Illinois ICash — Unclaimed Property
Search for money or property being held by the Illinois State Treasurer.
Search the deceased person's name and previous names.
Illinois Crime Victims Compensation
Illinois Crime Victims Compensation
For qualifying deaths involving violent crime, Illinois Crime Victims Compensation may help with funeral/burial costs and other eligible losses.
Crime Victims Assistance Line:
800-228-3368
Eligibility requirements apply.
Veterans Burial & Survivor Benefits
Veterans Burial & Survivor Benefits
If the deceased served in the military, review our Veterans & Military Families page and the official U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs burial and survivor resources.
VA Benefits:
800-827-1000
IRS — When Someone Dies
IRS — When Someone Dies
The IRS provides information for surviving spouses, executors and estate representatives about final federal tax returns, refunds and estate responsibilities.
Quick Money & Benefits Checklist
Quick Money & Benefits Checklist
Before closing this page, have you checked:
☐ Social Security survivor benefits
☐ $255 Social Security death payment
☐ Personal life insurance
☐ Illinois Life Policy Locator
☐ Employer life insurance
☐ Accidental death coverage
☐ Final wages
☐ Former employers
☐ 401(k)/403(b)/IRA
☐ Pension
☐ Union benefits
☐ Bank/credit-union benefits
☐ Mortgage/loan insurance
☐ Illinois ICash
☐ Veterans benefits
☐ Crime Victims Compensation when applicable
☐ Workers' compensation when applicable
☐ Auto/accident insurance when applicable
☐ Public benefits
☐ Final tax return/refund
☐ Other membership benefits
Let PREcovery Help You Organize the Search
Let PREcovery Help You Organize the Search
You don't have to know which program you need before asking for help.
PREcovery can help families identify resources worth checking, organize benefit information, and determine which agencies or organizations to contact next.
PREcovery does not determine eligibility for government or insurance benefits and cannot guarantee that a benefit will be approved.
Our role is to help you find the next step.
Remember
Remember
Don't just ask:
“Did they have life insurance?”
Ask:
“What money, benefits, insurance, retirement funds, survivor benefits, assistance programs or other resources could this family be entitled to?”
Click The Links Below
The Social Security eligibility/payment information above is current as of September 2026, and Illinois currently lists Crime Victims Compensation of up to $45,000 overall for eligible expenses arising from qualifying violent crimes occurring on or after August 7, 2022; individual expense categories can have their own limits.
(Social Security Administration)
That way the whole journey is on one page: explanation → steps → checklist → official links, which is much easier for the kind of family PREcovery is trying to help.
Documents, Legal & Estate
Documents, Legal & Estate
Documents, Legal & Estate
Documents, Legal & Estate
Start Here
Start Here
After someone dies, there can be a surprising amount of paperwork.
You may hear words like:
death certificate, executor, estate, probate, beneficiary, affidavit, will, deed and letters of office.
You don't have to understand all of those things today.
Start by gathering information and figuring out what actually applies to your family.
Not every death requires a probate case, and not every document needs to be handled immediately.
Step 1 — Start One Important-Documents Folder
Step 1 — Start One Important-Documents Folder
Choose one place for important paperwork.
This can be:
A folder
Binder
File box
Secure digital folder
Combination of paper and digital records
Gather what you can.
☐ Death certificates
☐ Will
☐ Trust documents
☐ Social Security information
☐ Marriage certificate
☐ Divorce documents
☐ Birth certificates
☐ Military discharge papers
☐ Life-insurance policies
☐ Bank information
☐ Retirement and pension information
☐ Vehicle titles
☐ Property deeds
☐ Mortgage information
☐ Loan documents
☐ Tax returns
☐ Employer information
☐ Funeral contract
☐ Cemetery paperwork
☐ Bills and debts
☐ Attorney information
☐ Safe-deposit-box information
Don't worry if you can't find everything.
Start with what you have.
Step 2 — Get Certified Death Certificates
Step 2 — Get Certified Death Certificates
A certified death certificate is one of the most important documents you'll need.
Certified copies may be requested by:
Life-insurance companies
Banks
Retirement plans
Courts
Government agencies
Property-related organizations
Other institutions handling the person's affairs
Ask the funeral home:
“How many certified death certificates do you recommend for our situation, and are you ordering them for us?”
You can obtain additional Illinois death certificates later if needed.
Illinois certified death certificates are suitable for legal purposes such as settling an estate or making an insurance claim.
Step 3 — Don't Give Away Your Last Certified Copy
Step 3 — Don't Give Away Your Last Certified Copy
Some organizations may need to see a certified death certificate.
Before mailing one, ask:
“Do you need an original certified copy?”
“Will you return it?”
“Will a photocopy or electronic copy work?”
Keep track of where certified copies are sent.
Step 4 — Look for a Will
Step 4 — Look for a Will
Search for the person's original will.
Possible locations include:
☐ Home files
☐ Safe
☐ Safe-deposit box
☐ Attorney's office
☐ Important-document binder
☐ Trusted family member
If you find a will, don't write on it, remove pages, staple additional papers to it, or alter it.
Keep it protected.
Step 5 — If There Is a Will, Find Out Who Is Named Executor
Step 5 — If There Is a Will, Find Out Who Is Named Executor
A will may name someone to serve as executor.
The executor is the person nominated to handle the estate according to the will, but being named in a will does not necessarily mean the person instantly has authority to access everything.
If probate is required, the court may formally appoint the representative and issue documents giving that person legal authority to act for the estate.
If you're unsure what authority you currently have, ask before signing, transferring, selling or distributing property.
Step 6 — If There Is No Will, Don't Panic
Step 6 — If There Is No Will, Don't Panic
Dying without a will is called dying intestate.
It does not mean the government automatically takes everything.
Illinois law determines who inherits property that does not otherwise transfer through a beneficiary designation, joint ownership or another legal arrangement.
The correct distribution can depend on which relatives survived the person.
If there is disagreement about who inherits, significant property, real estate, complicated family relationships, or uncertainty about the law, legal assistance may be especially important.
Step 7 — Find Out Whether Probate Is Actually Needed
Step 7 — Find Out Whether Probate Is Actually Needed
What Is Probate?
What Is Probate?
Probate is a court process used to administer certain property and financial assets after someone dies.
The representative may need to:
Identify estate property
Collect assets
Address valid debts and expenses
Handle required notices and filings
Distribute remaining property to the people legally entitled to receive it
Not every estate has to go through probate.
Some property can transfer outside probate.
Step 8 — Identify Property That May Transfer Automatically
Step 8 — Identify Property That May Transfer Automatically
Before assuming everything belongs in probate, check how each asset is owned.
Examples that may transfer outside probate include certain assets with:
A named beneficiary
Payable-on-death designation
Transfer-on-death designation
Joint ownership with survivorship rights
Trust ownership
Other legally recognized transfer arrangements
Examples might include certain:
Life-insurance proceeds
Retirement accounts
Bank accounts
Investment accounts
Real estate
The exact result depends on the documents and ownership arrangement.
Don't change ownership or distribute property based only on assumptions.
Step 9 — Illinois Has a Small Estate Affidavit
Step 9 — Illinois Has a Small Estate Affidavit
Some Illinois families may be able to settle an estate without opening a traditional probate case.
Illinois has a procedure called a:
Small Estate Affidavit
Small Estate Affidavit
Under current Illinois guidance, the small-estate procedure may be available when legal requirements are met, including generally:
☐ Personal property in the estate is $150,000 or less, with motor vehicles treated specially for purposes of the limit
☐ The deceased did not own real estate that must pass through the estate, or qualifying real estate already transferred outside the estate
☐ No probate proceeding that prevents use of the affidavit is underway
☐ Other legal requirements concerning the will, heirs and claims are satisfied
If there is a will, additional requirements apply, including filing the will with the appropriate court.
Do not assume you qualify based only on the dollar amount.
Use the current Illinois instructions or obtain legal assistance.
Step 10 — Wait Before Using the Small Estate Affidavit
Step 10 — Wait Before Using the Small Estate Affidavit
Current Illinois legal guidance provides that the small-estate procedure is generally used after at least 60 days have passed since the death, assuming the other legal requirements are satisfied.
This does not mean you should wait 60 days to start gathering information.
Use that time to identify:
Assets
Debts
Heirs
Beneficiaries
Property ownership
The will, if one exists
Vehicle information
Accounts
Step 11 — Understand the Responsibility Before Signing an Affidavit
Step 11 — Understand the Responsibility Before Signing an Affidavit
A Small Estate Affidavit isn't simply a form that lets someone collect money.
The person signing it takes on legal responsibilities involving the estate, including handling estate property and valid debts according to Illinois law.
Don't sign information you know is inaccurate.
Don't leave out known assets, heirs or debts simply to make the process easier.
If there is a dispute, complicated debt, uncertainty about heirs, or questions about the will, get legal advice.
Step 12 — Make an Asset List
Step 12 — Make an Asset List
Create a list of everything the person owned or may have owned.
Money
Money
☐ Checking accounts
☐ Savings accounts
☐ Cash
☐ Certificates of deposit
☐ Investments
☐ Stocks
☐ Bonds
Retirement
Retirement
☐ 401(k)
☐ 403(b)
☐ IRA
☐ Pension
☐ Deferred compensation
Property
Property
☐ House
☐ Land
☐ Vehicle
☐ Motorcycle
☐ Boat
☐ Trailer
☐ Valuable personal property
Other
Other
☐ Business ownership
☐ Money owed to the deceased
☐ Unclaimed property
☐ Refunds
☐ Pending legal claims
☐ Other financial interests
Also note whether each item has a joint owner or named beneficiary.
Step 13 — Make a Debt List
Step 13 — Make a Debt List
Also identify known debts.
Examples include:
☐ Funeral/burial expenses
☐ Mortgage
☐ Vehicle loan
☐ Credit cards
☐ Medical bills
☐ Personal loans
☐ Taxes
☐ Utility bills
☐ Other debts
Do not assume that the person answering the phone or opening the mail becomes personally responsible for these debts.
Step 14 — Don't Start Paying Everyone From Your Own Pocket
Step 14 — Don't Start Paying Everyone From Your Own Pocket
This is important.
A creditor may send a bill or call the family.
That does not automatically mean a surviving relative personally owes the debt.
Estate property may be responsible for valid debts, and Illinois law establishes rules concerning how estate expenses and claims are handled.
Before paying large debts from your own money, determine:
Who legally owes this?
Is this an estate debt?
Am I personally liable?
Is there insurance covering it?
Is there enough money in the estate?
When the estate cannot pay everything, the order in which claims are paid can matter.
Get legal assistance rather than guessing.
Step 15 — Be Careful Before Distributing Money or Property
Step 15 — Be Careful Before Distributing Money or Property
It may be tempting to immediately give everyone the items the deceased wanted them to have.
Slow down when property has financial value or is part of the estate.
The estate may have:
Debts
Taxes
Funeral expenses
Administration expenses
Legal obligations
Multiple heirs or beneficiaries
Distributing estate assets too early can create problems for the person responsible for administering the estate.
Sentimental items can also create family conflict.
Document what is being distributed and make sure the person distributing estate property has authority to do so.
Step 16 — Handle Vehicles Carefully
Step 16 — Handle Vehicles Carefully
Don't simply sign the deceased person's vehicle over to someone.
How an Illinois vehicle is transferred depends on factors such as:
How the title is written
Whether there is another owner
Whether there is a lien
Whether the estate is being probated
Whether a Small Estate Affidavit or another procedure applies
Use the current Illinois Secretary of State instructions before transferring title.
Step 17 — Handle Real Estate Carefully
Step 17 — Handle Real Estate Carefully
A house or land can make an estate more complicated.
Check:
☐ The deed
☐ Mortgage
☐ Joint ownership
☐ Trust ownership
☐ Transfer on Death Instrument
☐ Other recorded documents
Some real estate transfers automatically because of how it was owned or because a transfer document was completed before death.
Other real estate may require probate.
Don't assume the will alone tells you how the property transfers.
If real estate is involved, legal advice can be particularly valuable.
Step 18 — Check for a Transfer on Death Instrument
Step 18 — Check for a Transfer on Death Instrument
Illinois allows certain property owners to create a Transfer on Death Instrument, often called a TODI, before death.
If one was properly created, real estate may transfer to the named beneficiary after the owner's death without going through the ordinary probate process for that property.
Additional paperwork is required after the death to document the transfer.
If you find a TODI or believe one exists, contact the county Recorder of Deeds or obtain legal assistance.
Step 19 — Secure the Person's Property
Step 19 — Secure the Person's Property
Until ownership and estate responsibilities are clear, take reasonable steps to protect property.
Examples:
☐ Secure the home
☐ Secure vehicles
☐ Protect important documents
☐ Protect valuables
☐ Care for pets
☐ Collect mail appropriately
☐ Preserve financial records
☐ Maintain necessary insurance
☐ Avoid unauthorized people removing property
Don't begin selling or giving away valuable estate property simply because someone has a key.
Step 20 — Protect Against Identity Theft & Fraud
Step 20 — Protect Against Identity Theft & Fraud
Unfortunately, a deceased person's identity can still be misused.
Protect:
Social Security number
Date of birth
Account numbers
Insurance information
Tax records
Driver's license information
Online accounts
Be cautious about putting unnecessary personal information in public obituaries or social-media posts.
Keep copies of important records and document who you notify.
Step 21 — Make a Notification List
Step 21 — Make a Notification List
Depending on the person's circumstances, organizations that may need notification can include:
☐ Social Security
☐ Employer
☐ Life-insurance companies
☐ Banks
☐ Credit unions
☐ Retirement plans
☐ Pension administrators
☐ Mortgage company
☐ Landlord
☐ Utility providers
☐ Vehicle insurer
☐ Health insurer
☐ Veterans Affairs
☐ Professional organizations
☐ Subscription services
☐ Tax preparer
☐ Attorney
You do not need to call everyone on the first day.
Step 22 — Keep Records of Every Conversation
Step 22 — Keep Records of Every Conversation
Create a simple log.
For each organization, record:
Date: __________
Organization: __________
Person spoken with: __________
Phone/email: __________
Claim/account/reference number: __________
Documents requested: __________
What they told me: __________
Next step: __________
Follow-up date: __________
This can save enormous frustration later.
Step 23 — Know When to Get Legal Help
Step 23 — Know When to Get Legal Help
Consider talking with an attorney or legal-aid organization when:
☐ There is real estate
☐ There is significant property
☐ Family members disagree
☐ Someone challenges the will
☐ There may be more than one will
☐ Heirs are unclear
☐ The estate has substantial debt
☐ There isn't enough money to pay all claims
☐ A business is involved
☐ Someone is removing property
☐ You believe someone is hiding assets
☐ There are complicated beneficiary issues
☐ You're unsure whether probate is required
☐ You're being asked to sign something you don't understand
Getting legal information early can sometimes prevent a much larger problem later.
Official Illinois Resources
Official Illinois Resources
Illinois Death Certificates
Illinois Death Certificates
The Illinois Department of Public Health provides certified death certificates for legal purposes.
You may also contact the county clerk where the death occurred.
Certified copies can be needed for insurance, estate administration and other legal matters.
Illinois Legal Aid Online — Settling an Estate After Someone Dies
Illinois Legal Aid Online — Settling an Estate After Someone Dies
Illinois Legal Aid Online provides plain-language information about:
Probate
Wills
Estates
Small Estate Affidavits
Property transfers
Legal forms
It is an excellent starting point when a family isn't sure whether it needs an attorney or probate case.
Illinois Small Estate Affidavit
Illinois Small Estate Affidavit
Illinois Legal Aid Online provides a guided Easy Form that can help eligible families prepare a Small Estate Affidavit.
Use the current eligibility instructions before completing the form.
Illinois Probate Information
Illinois Probate Information
Illinois Legal Aid Online explains what probate is, which property may require probate and which property may transfer outside probate.
Probate procedures and forms can vary by county.
Illinois Secretary of State — Vehicle Title After Death
Illinois Secretary of State — Vehicle Title After Death
Use Illinois Secretary of State instructions when transferring or correcting ownership of a deceased person's vehicle.
Transfer on Death Instrument Information
Transfer on Death Instrument Information
Illinois Legal Aid Online provides information and forms concerning Transfer on Death Instruments and post-death property transfers.
Documents Checklist
Documents Checklist
Before you're finished, check whether you've located:
☐ Certified death certificates
☐ Will
☐ Trust
☐ Property deed
☐ Vehicle title
☐ Marriage certificate
☐ Divorce documents
☐ Birth certificates
☐ Social Security information
☐ Military records
☐ Life-insurance policies
☐ Bank information
☐ Retirement information
☐ Pension information
☐ Mortgage documents
☐ Tax records
☐ Debt information
☐ Funeral/cemetery records
☐ Beneficiary information
You Don't Have to Finish This Today
You Don't Have to Finish This Today
Immediately after a death, focus first on:
Safety.
The person who died.
Immediate family needs.
Funeral or disposition arrangements.
Important documents that are time-sensitive.
The estate can then be handled step by step.
Make a folder.
Make a list.
Write down what you've completed.
Ask questions when something doesn't make sense.
And don't sign legal documents you don't understand simply because someone tells you that you need to do it immediately.
Remember
Remember
You don't have to understand the entire estate today.
Start with three things:
Find the documents.
Protect the property.
Find out what actually requires legal action before you start moving money or giving things away.
For the website, I'd make the resource names at the bottom clickable right on this same page, just like we decided for Money & Benefits:
Illinois Death Certificates — IDPH — Illinois currently charges $19 for the first full certified copy ordered through IDPH and $4 for each additional copy ordered at the same time. IDPH also notes that families can contact the county clerk where the death occurred. (Illinois Department of Public Health)
Illinois Legal Aid — Probate FAQ — explains probate, what property may go through it, and when probate may not be necessary. (Illinois Legal Aid)
Illinois Small Estate Affidavit Easy Form — guided form for eligible Illinois estates. (Illinois Legal Aid)
Illinois Small Estate Affidavit Guide — current requirements, responsibilities and common questions. (Illinois Legal Aid)
Illinois Legal Aid — Estate & Power of Attorney Forms — includes estate-related forms such as the Small Estate Affidavit and Notice of Death Affidavit. (Illinois Legal Aid)
Illinois Legal Aid guidance uses $150,000 for the Small Estate Affidavit personal-property limit, with motor vehicles excluded from that cap, and generally requires at least 60 days after death.
Grief & Healing
Grief & Healing
Grief & Healing
Grief & Healing
There Is No Right Way to Grieve
There Is No Right Way to Grieve
Grief can affect almost every part of life.
It can affect how you think, sleep, eat, work, parent, communicate, remember things and relate to other people.
Some people cry constantly.
Some don't cry at all.
Some want to talk about the person who died.
Others can't talk about them yet.
You may feel devastated one day and almost normal the next.
You may laugh and then feel guilty for laughing.
You may feel angry, relieved, confused, numb, exhausted or completely overwhelmed.
Grief does not follow a schedule.
And healing does not mean forgetting the person you lost.
What Grief Can Feel Like
What Grief Can Feel Like
Grief isn't only sadness.
You might experience:
Emotional
Emotional
Sadness
Anger
Guilt
Relief
Fear
Loneliness
Irritability
Anxiety
Numbness
Regret
Helplessness
Feeling abandoned
Feeling disconnected from everyone around you
Physical
Physical
You may notice:
Exhaustion
Difficulty sleeping
Sleeping more than usual
Changes in appetite
Headaches
Muscle tension
Stomach problems
Restlessness
Feeling physically drained
Thinking & Memory
Thinking & Memory
Grief can also affect concentration.
You may:
Forget appointments
Lose things
Walk into a room and forget why
Have trouble making decisions
Read the same thing repeatedly
Feel mentally foggy
Have difficulty focusing at work
Feel overwhelmed by simple tasks
This can be frightening when you don't expect it.
Give yourself permission to use lists, calendars, reminders and written instructions.
The First Days After a Death
The First Days After a Death
In the beginning, you may simply be trying to get through the next hour.
There may also be funeral arrangements, phone calls, paperwork, children, bills and people asking you questions.
You do not have to process the entire loss immediately.
For now:
☐ Eat something when you can
☐ Drink water
☐ Take prescribed medications as directed
☐ Rest when you're able
☐ Let trusted people help
☐ Write things down
☐ Delay major decisions when possible
☐ Take things one task at a time
Sometimes surviving the day is enough for the day.
Grief Does Not Move in Five Perfect Stages
Grief Does Not Move in Five Perfect Stages
You may have heard about the “five stages of grief.”
Real grief is usually much messier.
You might experience denial, anger, bargaining, depression or acceptance — but you may not experience all of them, and they do not necessarily happen in order.
You can feel acceptance one morning and overwhelming sadness that afternoon.
You are not failing at grief because your experience doesn't follow a chart.
There Is No Deadline
There Is No Deadline
Other people may eventually return to their normal routines.
Your loss is still part of your life.
There is no date when you are required to:
Stop crying
Remove someone's belongings
Stop talking about them
Take off a wedding ring
Clean out a bedroom
Donate clothing
Stop visiting the cemetery
Begin dating
Attend social events
Feel “back to normal”
You can make those decisions when you are ready.
Grief Can Come in Waves
Grief Can Come in Waves
You may feel relatively okay and then suddenly be overwhelmed.
A song.
A smell.
A photograph.
A grocery-store aisle.
A birthday.
A holiday.
A familiar place.
Someone saying their name.
Sometimes the trigger makes sense.
Sometimes it doesn't.
A difficult day after several good days does not mean you're going backward.
The Firsts Can Be Especially Difficult
The Firsts Can Be Especially Difficult
The first:
Birthday
Holiday
Anniversary
Mother's Day
Father's Day
Christmas
Thanksgiving
Vacation
School event
Family gathering
can bring grief back intensely.
Think ahead when one is approaching.
Ask yourself:
Do I want company?
Do I want to continue our tradition?
Do I want to change the tradition this year?
Do I want to stay home?
Do I want to do something in their memory?
There is no correct answer.
You Are Allowed to Laugh Again
You Are Allowed to Laugh Again
Feeling happiness does not mean you have forgotten the person who died.
Going out with friends doesn't mean you didn't love them.
Enjoying a holiday doesn't erase your grief.
Having a good day isn't betrayal.
Grief and joy can exist in the same life.
You Are Also Allowed to Have Complicated Feelings
You Are Also Allowed to Have Complicated Feelings
Not every relationship was simple.
The person who died may have:
Hurt you
Struggled with addiction
Been absent
Had mental-health difficulties
Been abusive
Had complicated family relationships
Been estranged from you
You may grieve the person.
You may grieve the relationship you wished you had.
You may feel relief.
You may feel anger.
You may feel several things at once.
You do not have to rewrite a difficult relationship just because someone died.
When Other People Don't Understand
When Other People Don't Understand
People often want to help but don't know what to say.
You may hear:
“They're in a better place.”
“Everything happens for a reason.”
“At least they lived a long life.”
“You need to be strong.”
“It's time to move forward.”
“They wouldn't want you to be sad.”
Sometimes these comments help.
Sometimes they hurt.
You are allowed to say:
“I know you're trying to help. I really just need someone to listen.”
You can also decide not to discuss your grief with someone who repeatedly makes it harder.
Ask for Specific Help
Ask for Specific Help
People often say:
“Let me know if you need anything.”
When you're grieving, figuring out what to ask for can feel impossible.
Try being specific.
You might ask someone to:
☐ Bring dinner
☐ Pick up groceries
☐ Take the children somewhere
☐ Walk the dog
☐ Mow the yard
☐ Sit with you
☐ Drive you somewhere
☐ Help make phone calls
☐ Organize paperwork
☐ Attend an appointment
☐ Help clean
☐ Handle thank-you cards
☐ Go through mail with you
Receiving help is not the same as being helpless.
Taking Care of Yourself During Grief
Taking Care of Yourself During Grief
Grief can make basic routines difficult.
Start small.
Sleep
Sleep
Try to maintain some kind of regular sleep routine.
Food
Food
If full meals feel overwhelming, eat smaller amounts throughout the day.
Water
Water
Keep water nearby.
Movement
Movement
A short walk, stretching, gardening or simply spending a few minutes outside may help your body release some of the tension grief carries.
Routine
Routine
Simple routines can provide structure when everything feels unfamiliar.
Connection
Connection
Try not to disappear completely from everyone who cares about you.
You don't have to socialize.
Sometimes connection is simply sitting with another person.
Talking About the Person Who Died
Talking About the Person Who Died
You don't have to stop saying their name.
You might:
Tell stories
Look through photographs
Cook their favorite meal
Listen to their music
Visit a meaningful place
Keep a memory box
Write them a letter
Wear something that belonged to them
Continue a tradition
Create a new tradition
Volunteer for something they cared about
Celebrate their birthday
Make a memorial donation
Remembering someone is not the same as refusing to move forward.
What About Their Belongings?
What About Their Belongings?
There is no deadline for cleaning out someone's belongings.
Some people need to do it quickly.
Others need months or years.
You can also do it gradually.
Try three categories:
KEEP
KEEP
Things you know you want.
DECIDE LATER
DECIDE LATER
Things you're not ready to make a decision about.
GIVE / DONATE
GIVE / DONATE
Things you're comfortable letting go.
The Decide Later box can be especially helpful.
You don't have to make a permanent decision during an emotional moment.
Grief at Work
Grief at Work
Returning to work can be difficult.
You may notice:
Trouble concentrating
Forgetfulness
Fatigue
Unexpected crying
Irritability
Anxiety
Difficulty interacting with people
When appropriate, consider talking with your supervisor or Human Resources about available bereavement leave, Employee Assistance Programs or other workplace support.
You do not necessarily have to tell coworkers every detail of your loss.
Grief Can Affect Relationships
Grief Can Affect Relationships
People in the same family can grieve very differently.
One person may want to talk constantly.
Another may become quiet.
One may want to remove belongings.
Another may not be ready.
One may cry.
Another may stay busy.
Different grieving styles do not necessarily mean someone cared more or less.
Try not to measure another person's love by how much their grief looks like yours.
Children Grieve Differently Too
Children Grieve Differently Too
Children may move in and out of grief quickly.
A child might cry about the death and then ask to play ten minutes later.
That doesn't mean they don't understand or care.
Children may revisit the loss as they grow and understand death differently.
For more information, visit:
Children & Teens After Loss
Children & Teens After Loss
Grief After Suicide, Overdose, Homicide or Traumatic Death
Grief After Suicide, Overdose, Homicide or Traumatic Death
Some losses carry additional layers of grief.
Families may experience:
Shock
Trauma
Anger
Guilt
Stigma
Fear
unanswered questions
Investigation or court involvement
Graphic or distressing memories
Public attention
Conflict within the family
You may benefit from support specifically designed for the type of loss you've experienced.
Visit:
Special Types of Loss
Special Types of Loss
for suicide loss, overdose loss, homicide and other traumatic deaths.
Faith & Grief
Faith & Grief
Faith can be a tremendous source of comfort after a death.
It can also become complicated.
Some people feel closer to God or their faith community.
Others feel angry, confused or spiritually disconnected.
Some question beliefs they previously felt certain about.
These reactions can be part of grief.
If faith is important to you, you may find support through:
Your pastor
Priest
Chaplain
Rabbi
Faith leader
Church family
Faith-based grief group
You don't have to pretend that you're okay in order to have faith.
Grief Support Groups
Grief Support Groups
Some people find comfort in being around others who understand loss.
Groups may be:
In person
Online
Faith based
Secular
General grief groups
Widow/widower groups
Parent-loss groups
Child-loss groups
Children's groups
Teen groups
Suicide-loss groups
Overdose-loss groups
You may need to try more than one group before finding the right fit.
Individual Grief Counseling
Individual Grief Counseling
Sometimes you want support that is private and focused specifically on you.
A licensed mental-health professional can help with grief, trauma, depression, anxiety, family changes and adjustment after a death.
You can ask:
“Do you have experience working with grief and bereavement?”
For traumatic deaths, you may also want to ask about experience with trauma.
When Grief Feels Like More Than You Can Carry
When Grief Feels Like More Than You Can Carry
Intense grief after a death can be expected.
But sometimes a person needs additional support.
Consider reaching out for professional help if grief is seriously interfering with everyday life or you are struggling with things such as:
Severe or worsening depression
Persistent inability to function
Severe anxiety or panic
Trauma symptoms
Increasing alcohol or drug use
Feeling completely hopeless
Feeling that life isn't worth living
Thoughts of hurting yourself
Thoughts of suicide
You do not need to wait until things become unbearable before asking for help.
If You Are in Crisis
If You Are in Crisis
If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental-health, suicide or substance-use crisis:
Call or text 988
Call or text 988
The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline provides free, confidential crisis support 24 hours a day.
If there is immediate danger or a life-threatening emergency, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency department.
Grief Resources
Grief Resources
Dougy Center
Dougy Center
Resources for grieving children, teens, young adults and families.
National Alliance for Children's Grief
National Alliance for Children's Grief
Education and resources supporting children and families after a death.
The Compassionate Friends
The Compassionate Friends
Support for families after the death of a child, including parents, grandparents and siblings.
GriefShare
GriefShare
Faith-based grief support groups offered in communities and online.
Hospice of Southern Illinois
Hospice of Southern Illinois
Grief and bereavement resources for individuals and families in Southern Illinois.
Illinois Circle of Care
Illinois Circle of Care
Illinois grief-support resources and information for children and families.
Alliance of Hope
Alliance of Hope
Support specifically for people grieving a death by suicide.
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
Resources for people who have lost someone to suicide.
GRASP
GRASP
Grief Recovery After a Substance Passing provides support for people grieving a substance-related death.
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
24-hour crisis support.
Call or text 988.
A Simple Plan for a Hard Day
A Simple Plan for a Hard Day
When grief feels overwhelming, don't try to solve the rest of your life.
For today:
☐ Get out of bed
☐ Drink some water
☐ Eat something
☐ Take care of necessary medications
☐ Shower or change clothes if you can
☐ Step outside for a few minutes
☐ Talk to one safe person
☐ Complete one necessary task
☐ Let one unnecessary task wait
☐ Rest
Tomorrow can have its own list.
Remember
Remember
Healing doesn't mean forgetting.
It doesn't mean you're finished grieving.
And it doesn't mean the person you loved matters less.
It means learning, little by little, how to carry the loss while continuing to live.
Grief Support — Adults
Grief Support — Adults
Adult Grief Support
Adult Grief Support
Grief can look different for every person.
You may want to talk privately with a counselor, sit with other people who have experienced a similar loss, find faith-based support, or connect with people who understand a particular type of death.
There is no single type of grief support that works for everyone.
Start with the kind of support that feels most comfortable to you.
LOCAL & SOUTHERN ILLINOIS GRIEF SUPPORT
LOCAL & SOUTHERN ILLINOIS GRIEF SUPPORT
Heartlinks Grief Center
Heartlinks Grief Center
Belleville, Illinois
Heartlinks Grief Center is a community grief center providing specialized bereavement support for adults, children, teens and families.
Adult services may include:
Adult services may include:
Individual grief counseling
Family grief counseling
Grief and trauma counseling
Adult grief-support groups
Spouse and partner loss
Death of a child
Suicide loss
Addiction and substance-related loss
Anticipatory grief
Community grief programs
Heartlinks is particularly helpful when someone wants professional grief support rather than only a general peer-support group.
You do not have to have received hospice care to contact Heartlinks for grief services.
Contact
Contact
Heartlinks Grief Center / Family Hospice
4820 W. Main Street
Belleville, IL 62226
Phone: 618-277-1800
Grief Center: 618-573-1801
Email: support@myheartlinks.com
Website:
Heartlinks Grief Center
Coping 4 Life
Coping 4 Life
Breese / Clinton County Area
Coping 4 Life provides counseling, education and emotional support for people experiencing grief, trauma and other difficult life experiences.
This is an especially useful resource for families in the Clinton County and Centralia-area region because it provides another relatively local option for grief and mental-health support.
Adult services may include:
Adult services may include:
Individual counseling
Grief and loss counseling
Trauma support
Depression and anxiety counseling
Couples counseling
Family counseling
Grief and trauma workshops
Community emotional support
Suicide-prevention education
Specialized Support
Specialized Support
Coping 4 Life has also offered programs such as:
Young Widows — support for women coping with the death of a spouse or partner.
Kindred Spirits — support related to the death of a child.
Because groups and schedules can change, contact Coping 4 Life directly for current availability.
Contact
Contact
Coping 4 Life
For current appointments, groups, programs and contact information, visit the Coping 4 Life website.
Community partner information is also available through:
Clinton County Health Department
930 Fairfax Street
Carlyle, IL 62231
Phone: 618-594-2723 ext. 5
Website:
Coping 4 Life
Hospice of Southern Illinois
Hospice of Southern Illinois
Marion & Southern Illinois
Hospice of Southern Illinois provides bereavement support for families following the death of a loved one who received their hospice services.
Bereavement services may include:
Bereavement services may include:
Grief counseling
Telephone support
In-home grief support
Grief education
Bereavement resources
Support groups
Memorial programs
Community-resource referrals
Faith-community connections when requested
Hospice of Southern Illinois may continue bereavement contact with family members and caregivers for up to a year following the death of a hospice patient.
Marion Office
Marion Office
204 North Halfway Road
Marion, IL 62959
Phone: 618-997-3030
Main Number
Main Number
Phone: 800-233-1708
Website:
Hospice of Southern Illinois — Grief Support
GENERAL ADULT GRIEF SUPPORT
GENERAL ADULT GRIEF SUPPORT
GriefShare
GriefShare
Best for: Faith-based / Christian grief support
GriefShare provides structured grief-support groups hosted by churches and community organizations.
Groups commonly include:
Grief education
Video-based lessons
Group discussion
Personal workbook activities
Support from other grieving adults
Faith-based encouragement
GriefShare can be used after many different types of loss, including the death of a:
Spouse
Child
Parent
Sibling
Family member
Friend
Both in-person and online groups may be available.
You can search for groups by ZIP code.
Contact
Contact
Phone: 800-395-5755
Email: info@griefshare.org
Website:
GriefShare — Find a Group
DEATH OF A CHILD
DEATH OF A CHILD
The Compassionate Friends
The Compassionate Friends
Best for: Parents, grandparents and siblings after the death of a child
The Compassionate Friends provides grief support to families after the death of a child.
The child can have been any age at the time of death.
Support includes:
Support includes:
Local chapters
Peer grief support
Online support
Support for bereaved parents
Support for grandparents
Support for surviving siblings
Grief education
Bereavement resources
National programs and events
The Compassionate Friends connects families with people who understand the unique experience of losing a child.
Contact
Contact
National Office: 877-969-0010
Email: nationaloffice@compassionatefriends.org
Website:
The Compassionate Friends
SUICIDE LOSS
SUICIDE LOSS
Alliance of Hope for Suicide Loss Survivors
Alliance of Hope for Suicide Loss Survivors
Best for: People grieving someone who died by suicide
Suicide grief can include questions, guilt, anger, trauma and stigma that may be difficult to discuss with people who haven't experienced this type of loss.
Alliance of Hope is specifically designed for suicide-loss survivors.
Support includes:
Support includes:
Online survivor community
Resources for newly bereaved survivors
Suicide-grief education
Support information
Programs for different relationships and types of loss
Professional consultations
Resources for mothers
Resources for fathers
Resources for widows and partners
Contact
Contact
Phone: 847-868-3313
Mail:
Alliance of Hope
PO Box 7005
Evanston, IL 60204
Website:
Alliance of Hope for Suicide Loss Survivors
Alliance of Hope is a grief-support organization and is not a crisis service.
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
Best for: Suicide-loss resources and finding additional support
The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention provides extensive resources for people who have lost someone to suicide.
Resources include:
Resources include:
Information for newly bereaved families
Suicide-loss education
Support-group locator
Guidance after a suicide
Information about talking with children
Funeral and obituary considerations
Mental-health resources
Connections to additional suicide-bereavement support
Website:
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention — Suicide Loss Resources
OVERDOSE & SUBSTANCE-RELATED LOSS
OVERDOSE & SUBSTANCE-RELATED LOSS
GRASP — Grief Recovery After a Substance Passing
GRASP — Grief Recovery After a Substance Passing
Best for: Death involving overdose, drugs, alcohol or substance use
GRASP provides support specifically for people who have lost someone to substance use or addiction.
This type of grief can sometimes involve:
Stigma
Anger
Guilt
Shame
Trauma
Unanswered questions
Complicated family relationships
Fear of judgment
Families deserve a place where they do not have to explain or defend the circumstances of their loved one's death.
GRASP provides:
GRASP provides:
Peer support
Grief resources
Online support
Connections to GRASP groups
Support from other people affected by substance-related death
Website:
GRASP — Grief Recovery After a Substance Passing
Check the GRASP website for current local and online group options.
Heartlinks — Addiction & Substance-Related Grief
Heartlinks — Addiction & Substance-Related Grief
Heartlinks Grief Center also provides specialized support for adults grieving someone whose death was related to addiction or substance use.
Phone: 618-573-1801
Website:
Heartlinks Grief Center
SPOUSE OR PARTNER LOSS
SPOUSE OR PARTNER LOSS
If your spouse or partner died, consider:
Heartlinks Grief Center
Heartlinks Grief Center
Professional grief counseling and grief-support programs.
Phone: 618-573-1801
Coping 4 Life
Coping 4 Life
Grief counseling and specialized programming, including Young Widows when available.
GriefShare
GriefShare
Faith-based grief groups that include people grieving spouses and partners.
PARENT OR FAMILY-MEMBER LOSS
PARENT OR FAMILY-MEMBER LOSS
For the death of a parent, sibling, grandparent, friend or other important person, consider:
Heartlinks Grief Center
Heartlinks Grief Center
Individual counseling and grief groups.
Coping 4 Life
Coping 4 Life
Individual grief and trauma counseling.
Hospice of Southern Illinois
Hospice of Southern Illinois
Bereavement services for eligible hospice families.
GriefShare
GriefShare
Faith-based grief groups.
FAITH-BASED GRIEF SUPPORT
FAITH-BASED GRIEF SUPPORT
GriefShare
GriefShare
GriefShare is one of the largest structured Christian grief-support programs and offers both local and online options.
Phone: 800-395-5755
Email: info@griefshare.org
Website:
GriefShare
Your Local Faith Community
Your Local Faith Community
You may also want to contact:
Your church
Pastor
Priest
Chaplain
Rabbi
Faith leader
Church care ministry
Local ministerial alliance
Some churches offer grief groups, pastoral counseling, meals, memorial support and other assistance even when the grieving person is not a regular member.
ONLINE GRIEF SUPPORT
ONLINE GRIEF SUPPORT
Online support may be useful when:
Transportation is difficult
You live in a rural community
There isn't a specialized group nearby
You aren't ready to attend a group in person
Your schedule makes traditional groups difficult
You want support from people who experienced the same type of loss
Consider:
Alliance of Hope — Suicide loss
GRASP — Substance-related loss
The Compassionate Friends — Death of a child or sibling
GriefShare — Faith-based grief support
WHICH RESOURCE SHOULD I TRY?
WHICH RESOURCE SHOULD I TRY?
I want individual grief counseling.
I want individual grief counseling.
Start with:
Heartlinks Grief Center
or
Coping 4 Life
I want a grief-support group.
I want a grief-support group.
Try:
Heartlinks Grief Center
GriefShare
Hospice of Southern Illinois, if eligible
or a specialized group based on the type of loss.
My spouse or partner died.
My spouse or partner died.
Try:
Heartlinks Grief Center
Coping 4 Life
GriefShare
My child died.
My child died.
Try:
The Compassionate Friends
Heartlinks Grief Center
Coping 4 Life
My sibling died.
My sibling died.
Try:
The Compassionate Friends
Heartlinks Grief Center
or a general grief-support program.
My loved one died by suicide.
My loved one died by suicide.
Try:
Alliance of Hope
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
Heartlinks Grief Center
My loved one died from overdose or substance use.
My loved one died from overdose or substance use.
Try:
GRASP
Heartlinks Grief Center
I want Christian grief support.
I want Christian grief support.
Try:
GriefShare
or contact a local church or faith community.
I don't know what kind of support I need.
I don't know what kind of support I need.
That's okay.
Start with Heartlinks, Coping 4 Life, or PREcovery and explain what you're experiencing.
You don't need to diagnose yourself or choose the perfect program before asking for help.
WHEN GRIEF BECOMES A CRISIS
WHEN GRIEF BECOMES A CRISIS
Grief can be extremely painful without being a mental-health crisis.
But sometimes the pain becomes more than a person feels able to carry safely.
If you are:
Thinking about suicide
Thinking about hurting yourself
Feeling unable to stay safe
Experiencing a severe mental-health crisis
Experiencing a substance-use crisis
Call or Text 988
Call or Text 988
The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline provides free, confidential support 24 hours a day.
Call: 988
Text: 988
If there is immediate danger or a life-threatening emergency:
Call 911
Call 911
or go to the nearest emergency department.
ADULT GRIEF RESOURCE DIRECTORY
ADULT GRIEF RESOURCE DIRECTORY
Heartlinks Grief Center
Heartlinks Grief Center
What they do: Professional grief counseling, trauma counseling, adult groups, spouse/partner loss, child loss, suicide loss, addiction loss and family support.
Location: Belleville, Illinois
Phone: 618-573-1801
Email: support@myheartlinks.com
Website: Heartlinks Grief Center
Coping 4 Life
Coping 4 Life
What they do: Grief and loss counseling, trauma support, individual and family counseling, workshops and specialized grief programs.
Area: Breese / Clinton County / Southern Illinois
Website: Coping 4 Life
Hospice of Southern Illinois
Hospice of Southern Illinois
What they do: Bereavement counseling, grief education, support, memorial programs and referrals for families following hospice loss.
Marion: 618-997-3030
Main: 800-233-1708
Website: Hospice of Southern Illinois
GriefShare
GriefShare
What they do: Structured Christian grief-support groups, online and in person.
Phone: 800-395-5755
Email: info@griefshare.org
Website: GriefShare
The Compassionate Friends
The Compassionate Friends
What they do: Peer support for parents, grandparents and siblings after the death of a child.
Phone: 877-969-0010
Email: nationaloffice@compassionatefriends.org
Website: The Compassionate Friends
Alliance of Hope
Alliance of Hope
What they do: Specialized support and online community for people grieving a suicide death.
Phone: 847-868-3313
Website: Alliance of Hope for Suicide Loss Survivors
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
What they do: Suicide-loss education, support resources and help locating additional suicide-bereavement support.
Website: AFSP Suicide Loss Resources
GRASP
GRASP
What they do: Specialized peer grief support for people grieving a death involving drugs, alcohol, addiction or overdose.
Website: GRASP — Grief Recovery After a Substance Passing
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
What they do: Immediate crisis support for people experiencing suicidal thoughts, mental-health distress or substance-use crisis.
Call or text: 988
Available: 24 hours a day
Website: 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
Let PREcovery Help You Find the Right Support
Let PREcovery Help You Find the Right Support
You don't have to call every organization on this list.
And you don't have to know whether you need counseling, a support group, suicide-loss support, overdose-loss support, faith-based support or something else.
Tell PREcovery:
Who you lost.
What happened.
What you're struggling with.
What kind of support you think might help.
We can help you identify places to start.
Our role is not to tell you how to grieve. Our role is to help you find your next step.
For the actual site, these are the links I'd attach to those names so somebody can go straight to the organization: Heartlinks Grief Center, Coping 4 Life, Hospice of Southern Illinois, GriefShare, The Compassionate Friends, Alliance of Hope, AFSP Suicide Loss Resources, GRASP, and 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
Teens After Loss
Teens After Loss
Children & Teens After Loss
Children & Teens After Loss
Helping a Child After Someone Dies
Helping a Child After Someone Dies
Children grieve too.
But grief in a child may not look the way grief looks in an adult.
A child may cry one minute and ask to play the next.
A teenager may seem completely fine and then become angry, withdrawn or overwhelmed weeks later.
Some children talk constantly about the person who died.
Others hardly mention them.
Children may revisit a death many times as they grow and begin to understand the loss in new ways.
There is no single correct way for a child or teenager to grieve.
Start With the Truth
Start With the Truth
Children need honest information presented in language they can understand.
Whenever possible, use clear words such as:
“died” and “death.”
For younger children especially, phrases such as:
“Went to sleep”
“We lost him”
“Passed away”
“Went away”
can be confusing.
A young child may wonder whether going to sleep means they could die too, or whether someone who “went away” might come back.
You can be gentle without hiding what happened.
What Can I Say?
What Can I Say?
Keep the first explanation simple.
For example:
“I have something very sad to tell you. Grandma died today. Her body stopped working, and she can't come back.”
Then stop.
Let the child respond.
They may cry.
They may ask questions.
They may say nothing.
They may ask something completely unexpected.
They may ask if they can go play.
All of those responses can happen.
You don't have to explain everything in one conversation.
It's Okay to Say “I Don't Know”
It's Okay to Say “I Don't Know”
Children sometimes ask questions adults can't answer.
“Why did this happen?”
“Why didn't the doctors save him?”
“Why did God let this happen?”
“Where is she now?”
“Will you die too?”
You do not have to invent an answer.
You can say:
“I don't know.”
“I wonder about that too.”
“I don't know why this happened.”
For questions about spiritual beliefs, families can explain what they believe while recognizing that children may continue asking questions.
Expect Children to Ask the Same Question Again
Expect Children to Ask the Same Question Again
Young children may ask:
“When is Dad coming home?”
even after being told that Dad died.
This doesn't necessarily mean they weren't listening.
Understanding death develops over time.
Children may need the same information explained many times.
Answer calmly and consistently.
Grief Can Look Different at Different Ages
Grief Can Look Different at Different Ages
Age ranges are only guides.
Development, personality, previous experiences, the relationship with the person who died and the circumstances of the death all affect how a child responds.
Babies & Toddlers
Babies & Toddlers
Very young children may not understand death, but they can recognize that an important person is missing and that routines have changed.
You may notice:
Increased crying
Clinginess
Sleep changes
Eating changes
Separation anxiety
Irritability
Regression
Changes in toileting
Wanting to be held more
Searching for the person
What Helps
What Helps
☐ Keep routines as consistent as possible
☐ Provide physical comfort
☐ Use simple words
☐ Continue talking about the person who died
☐ Show photographs
☐ Maintain familiar caregivers when possible
☐ Reassure the child that they are cared for and safe
Preschool & Young Children
Preschool & Young Children
Young children often think very literally.
They may not completely understand that death is permanent.
They may repeatedly ask when the person is coming back.
Grief may appear through:
Play
Drawings
Repeated questions
Separation fears
Tantrums
Sleep difficulties
Regression
Stomachaches or headaches
Fear that another person will die
What Helps
What Helps
Use simple, concrete explanations.
Allow the child to:
Draw
Play
Ask questions
Look at photographs
Tell stories
Move their body
Spend time with trusted adults
Reassure them:
“You did not cause this.”
and
“There are adults here who will take care of you.”
School-Age Children
School-Age Children
School-age children usually understand more about the permanence of death, but they may have many detailed questions.
They may want to know:
What happened?
What happens to the body?
Where the person is now?
Whether someone else will die?
Who will take care of them?
What will happen to the family?
Grief may appear as:
Sadness
Anger
Difficulty concentrating
School problems
Physical complaints
Sleep problems
Worry
Withdrawal
Acting younger
Increased independence
Talking frequently about death
What Helps
What Helps
☐ Answer questions honestly
☐ Allow expression through art, writing, play or physical activity
☐ Maintain routines
☐ Let the school know what happened
☐ Provide choices when possible
☐ Continue talking about the person who died
☐ Give permission to have fun
Teenagers
Teenagers
Teenagers understand death but may experience grief very differently from adults.
Friends and peers can become extremely important.
A teen may:
Want privacy
Spend more time with friends
Become angry
Withdraw
Cry
Use humor
Become highly responsible
Lose interest in school
Have difficulty concentrating
Question faith
Question the meaning of life
Become anxious about other people dying
Want to talk constantly
Refuse to talk at all
Try not to force a teenager to grieve the way you think they should.
Ask:
“What is this like for you?”
Then listen.
Sometimes listening is more helpful than giving advice.
Don't Measure Grief by Tears
Don't Measure Grief by Tears
One child may cry constantly.
Another may barely cry.
One teen may talk about the death.
Another may go play basketball.
Another may write.
Another may draw.
Another may listen to music.
Another may want to sit alone.
The amount a child cries does not tell you how much they loved the person.
Children Grieve in Bursts
Children Grieve in Bursts
Children may move in and out of grief.
A child might cry about Mom and then ask:
“Can I have a snack?”
Ten minutes later they may be playing.
This can be healthy.
Children often cannot stay in intense emotions as long as adults can.
Play can provide a break from grief.
Tell the School
Tell the School
Consider notifying the child's:
Teacher
School counselor
Social worker
Principal
Coach
Daycare provider
You can decide how much information to share.
Ask the school to watch for:
Difficulty concentrating
Falling grades
Withdrawal
Anger
Crying
Bullying
Anxiety
Physical complaints
Significant behavioral changes
A grieving child may temporarily need additional flexibility with assignments, attendance or concentration.
Should Children Attend the Funeral?
Should Children Attend the Funeral?
There is no universal age when a child is “old enough” to attend a funeral.
Children and teenagers can often participate when they:
have a choice, understand what will happen and have a trusted adult available to support them.
Explain beforehand:
Where you're going
Who will be there
Whether there will be a casket or urn
Whether the casket will be open
What the body may look or feel like
That people may cry
What burial means
What cremation means
What will happen during the service
Don't force a child to:
View the body
Touch the body
Kiss the person
Approach the casket
Speak
Participate in a ritual
Give choices whenever possible.
Give Children a Way to Participate
Give Children a Way to Participate
Some children want a role.
They might:
Draw a picture
Write a letter
Choose a photograph
Choose a song
Place something in or near the casket when permitted
Make a memory board
Help select flowers
Read something
Carry a flower
Create a memory box
Participation should be offered, not required.
Keep Talking About the Person
Keep Talking About the Person
Children may worry that talking about the person will make adults sad.
Let them know it is okay to say the person's name.
You can:
Tell stories
Look at photographs
Cook a favorite meal
Celebrate a birthday
Visit a meaningful place
Make a scrapbook
Create a memory box
Write letters
Make an ornament
Keep a favorite tradition
Start a new tradition
Children don't have to forget someone in order to continue growing.
When a Parent Dies
When a Parent Dies
The death of a parent can change nearly every part of a child's life.
Along with grief, children may worry about:
Where they will live
Who will take care of them
Whether the surviving parent will die
Money
School
Moving
Changing routines
Losing contact with relatives
What will happen next
Give children as much reliable information as you reasonably can.
Even when adults are unsure, children can be told:
“We are still figuring some things out, but you will be taken care of, and we will tell you what we know.”
Also remember to check Social Security survivor benefits and other financial benefits for surviving children.
When a Sibling Dies
When a Sibling Dies
A surviving child may experience:
Sadness
Anger
Loneliness
Survivor guilt
Fear
Jealousy over attention given to the child who died
Guilt about past arguments
Pressure to “take care” of grieving parents
Try not to unintentionally make the surviving child responsible for keeping the family emotionally together.
They lost someone too.
When a Friend or Classmate Dies
When a Friend or Classmate Dies
The death of a friend can be deeply significant, especially for teenagers.
Don't minimize the loss because the person wasn't a relative.
Peers can be among the most important relationships in a young person's life.
Schools may be able to provide counseling or grief support after the death of a student.
Suicide Loss
Suicide Loss
Children and teens can be told the truth about suicide in developmentally appropriate language.
Avoid creating an elaborate false explanation that the child may later discover was untrue.
Keep the explanation simple and appropriate for the child's age.
Children may need additional reassurance that:
The death was not their fault.
They may also need specialized grief or trauma support.
See our:
Suicide Loss Resources
Suicide Loss Resources
Overdose & Substance-Related Death
Overdose & Substance-Related Death
Families sometimes struggle with what to tell children when someone dies from an overdose or addiction-related cause.
Children still deserve truthful, age-appropriate information.
You don't have to provide every detail.
You can explain that the person had an illness involving drugs or substances and that their body stopped working.
Older children and teenagers may need more direct information.
Avoid making the child responsible for family secrets or stigma.
See our:
Overdose & Substance-Related Loss Resources
Overdose & Substance-Related Loss Resources
Homicide, Accidents & Traumatic Death
Homicide, Accidents & Traumatic Death
A sudden or violent death can create both grief and trauma.
Children may experience:
Nightmares
Fear
Replaying what happened
Avoiding reminders
Separation anxiety
Anger
Hypervigilance
Physical complaints
Difficulty sleeping
Difficulty concentrating
Children who witnessed the death, discovered the person, were present during a traumatic event or were exposed to graphic details may need specialized professional support.
Watch What Children Can Hear
Watch What Children Can Hear
Adults sometimes forget children are listening.
Be careful with:
Graphic descriptions
Police conversations
Adult arguments
Social-media posts
News coverage
Photographs
Videos
Details of an investigation
Discussions about blame
Children need truthful information.
They do not need every traumatic detail.
Social Media & Teen Grief
Social Media & Teen Grief
Teenagers may grieve publicly online.
They may:
Post photographs
Write messages to the person
Create memorial pages
Watch old videos
Read comments
Follow information about the death
Talk with teens about protecting themselves from:
Graphic content
Rumors
Harassment
Blame
Repeated exposure to traumatic information
Don't automatically take away a teen's online connection to friends unless there is a safety reason.
For many teenagers, peers are an important part of grief support.
When Should I Consider Professional Help?
When Should I Consider Professional Help?
Many grief reactions are normal.
But additional help may be appropriate when a child's reactions are severe, worsening, persistent or significantly interfering with everyday life.
Watch for:
Major changes in behavior
Severe withdrawal
Persistent school refusal
Significant decline in school functioning
Extreme anxiety
Panic
Severe sleep problems
Persistent nightmares
Increasing aggression
Dangerous risk-taking
Alcohol or drug use
Self-harm
Persistent hopelessness
Talking about wanting to die
Suicidal thoughts
Trauma symptoms that are interfering with daily life
You don't have to wait until things become severe to seek counseling.
If a Child or Teen Talks About Suicide
If a Child or Teen Talks About Suicide
Take it seriously.
Don't assume:
“They're just saying it because they're upset.”
Ask directly about safety and get help.
Call or Text 988
Call or Text 988
The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline provides 24-hour crisis support.
A young person can call or text 988, and a parent or caregiver can also contact 988 for help supporting someone else.
If there is immediate danger or the child cannot remain safe:
Call 911
Call 911
or go to the nearest emergency department.
SOUTHERN ILLINOIS CHILD & TEEN GRIEF SUPPORT
SOUTHERN ILLINOIS CHILD & TEEN GRIEF SUPPORT
Heartlinks Grief Center
Heartlinks Grief Center
Belleville, Illinois
Heartlinks provides grief services for children, teenagers and families.
Services include:
Individual grief counseling
Family counseling
Grief and trauma counseling
Children's grief groups
Teen grief groups
Support after traumatic deaths
Anticipatory grief counseling
School and community programs
Heartlinks currently offers monthly grief support for children, teens and adults, with groups occurring at the same time so multiple members of a family can receive age-appropriate support.
Heartlinks also provides TAG — Teens And Grief, a school-based program that can be arranged through a student's school counselor, teacher or social worker.
Mobile child-grief programming is also available for schools and community organizations.
Contact
Contact
Heartlinks Grief Center
4820 W. Main Street
Belleville, IL 62226
Phone: 618-573-1801
Counseling: 618-277-1800
Email: support@myheartlinks.com
Website: Heartlinks Grief Center
Coping 4 Life
Coping 4 Life
Breese / Clinton County Area
Coping 4 Life is another resource to check for counseling and emotional support for children, teenagers and families experiencing grief, trauma or other difficult life events.
Services and programs change, so contact Coping 4 Life directly for current children's, teen and family counseling or group availability.
Website: Coping 4 Life
NATIONAL CHILD & TEEN GRIEF RESOURCES
NATIONAL CHILD & TEEN GRIEF RESOURCES
Dougy Center — The National Grief Center for Children & Families
Dougy Center — The National Grief Center for Children & Families
Best overall resource for parents, children and teenagers
Dougy Center specializes in childhood and family grief.
It provides separate resources for:
Young children
School-age children
Teenagers
Young adults
Parents and caregivers
Schools
Counselors
Families after suicide
Families after violent death
Families dealing with serious illness
Resources include:
Activities for grieving children
Teen grief resources
Videos
Podcasts
Printable guides
Developmental grief information
Funeral and memorial guidance
Information for parents and caregivers
A directory for finding grief-support programs
Contact
Contact
Phone: 503-775-5683
Email: help@dougy.org
Website: Dougy Center
National Alliance for Children's Grief
National Alliance for Children's Grief
The National Alliance for Children's Grief provides education and resources specifically for children and families experiencing grief.
Resources include:
Parent and caregiver information
Children's grief education
Toolkits
Support resources
School resources
Grief camps
Peer-support programs
Virtual support
Individual counseling resources
Their national Find Support directory allows families to search by ZIP code, state, age group and type of service.
You can search specifically for:
Preschool
Elementary-age children
Teens
Young adults
Caregiver support
Individual counseling
Peer groups
Camps
School-based programs
Virtual programs
Website: National Alliance for Children's Grief
The Compassionate Friends — Sibling Grief
The Compassionate Friends — Sibling Grief
The Compassionate Friends isn't only for parents.
It also provides resources and support for siblings grieving the death of a brother or sister.
This may be especially helpful for older teenagers and young adults.
Phone: 877-969-0010
Email: nationaloffice@compassionatefriends.org
Website: The Compassionate Friends
QUICK RESOURCE GUIDE
QUICK RESOURCE GUIDE
My young child is grieving.
My young child is grieving.
Start with:
Dougy Center
Heartlinks Grief Center
National Alliance for Children's Grief
My teenager is grieving.
My teenager is grieving.
Start with:
Dougy Center Teen Resources
Heartlinks Grief Center
Heartlinks TAG — Teens And Grief
National Alliance for Children's Grief
My child needs individual counseling.
My child needs individual counseling.
Try:
Heartlinks Grief Center
Coping 4 Life
or use the:
National Alliance for Children's Grief Find Support Directory
to locate additional programs.
My child's parent died.
My child's parent died.
Start with:
Dougy Center
Heartlinks Grief Center
and remember to check:
Social Security Survivor Benefits for Children
and any life-insurance, employer, pension or Veteran benefits that may apply.
My child's sibling died.
My child's sibling died.
Try:
Heartlinks Grief Center
Dougy Center
The Compassionate Friends
The death was suicide.
The death was suicide.
Use:
Dougy Center Suicide-Loss Resources
Heartlinks Grief Center
and our:
Suicide Loss Resources
The death was an overdose.
The death was an overdose.
Use:
Heartlinks Grief Center
Dougy Center
and our:
Overdose & Substance-Related Loss Resources
The child witnessed or discovered the death.
The child witnessed or discovered the death.
Consider professional grief and trauma support.
Start with:
Heartlinks Grief Center
or another licensed professional experienced in both childhood grief and trauma.
FOR PARENTS & CAREGIVERS
FOR PARENTS & CAREGIVERS
You don't have to have the perfect words.
Children need adults who are willing to:
Tell the truth.
Listen.
Answer questions.
Provide safety and routine.
Let them remember.
Let them play.
Let them grieve in their own way.
And when you're grieving too, you don't have to do this perfectly.
Let PREcovery Help Your Family Find Support
Let PREcovery Help Your Family Find Support
Finding grief services for a child can be especially difficult in a rural community.
PREcovery can help families identify:
Child grief resources
Teen grief resources
Individual counseling
Family counseling
Grief groups
School-based support
Suicide-loss resources
Overdose-loss resources
Trauma resources
Online support
Financial and survivor resources for children
You don't have to know which service your child needs before contacting us.
Tell us what happened, your child's age and what you're noticing.
Our role is to help your family find the next step.
Oh 😂 — you mean the resource/contact list at the bottom, like we did for the Adult page. Yes. Add this to the Death of a Child page:
Death of a Child Resource Directory
Death of a Child Resource Directory
The Compassionate Friends
The Compassionate Friends
What they do: Peer grief support specifically for parents, grandparents and siblings after the death of a child of any age and from any cause. Offers local chapters, online communities, sibling support, grandparent support and grief resources.
Phone: 877-969-0010
Email: nationaloffice@compassionatefriends.org
Website: The Compassionate Friends
Find a Group: Compassionate Friends Chapter Locator
Heartlinks Grief Center — Aching Arms
Heartlinks Grief Center — Aching Arms
What they do: Southern Illinois grief support. Aching Arms is specifically for people grieving the death of a child. Heartlinks also provides individual and family grief counseling, trauma counseling and support for surviving siblings.
Location: 4820 W. Main Street, Belleville, IL 62226
Grief Center: 618-573-1801
Counseling: 618-277-1800
Email: support@myheartlinks.com
Website: Heartlinks Grief Center
Coping 4 Life
Coping 4 Life
What they do: Southern Illinois grief and trauma counseling for individuals and families. Coping 4 Life has also offered Kindred Spirits, support related to the death of a child. Contact them for current group availability.
Area: Breese / Clinton County / Southern Illinois
Website: Coping 4 Life
The TEARS Foundation
The TEARS Foundation
What they do: Provides bereavement support and funeral-assistance programs for qualifying families following the death of a baby or child.
Its infant funeral-assistance program currently includes Illinois and serves qualifying families following the death of a baby from approximately 20 weeks gestation through one year of age. Other TEARS programs have different age, cause-of-death and geographic requirements.
Phone: 253-200-0944
Email: office@thetearsfoundation.org
Website: The TEARS Foundation
Funeral Help: TEARS Funeral Assistance
Cali's Gift — The TEARS Foundation
Cali's Gift — The TEARS Foundation
What they do: Provides funeral assistance and/or grief-counseling support for qualifying families following the death of a young person ages 13–22 from suicide or a drug-related cause.
Eligibility and geographic availability should be confirmed directly with TEARS.
Phone: 253-200-0944
Email: office@thetearsfoundation.org
Website: The TEARS Foundation — Cali's Gift
Dougy Center
Dougy Center
What they do: National grief center with free information and tools for children, teens, young adults and families. Particularly useful when siblings are grieving or parents need help explaining a death to children.
Resources include developmental grief guidance, activities, podcasts, videos, parent resources and a directory for finding grief programs.
Phone: 503-775-5683
Email: help@dougy.org
Website: Dougy Center
National Alliance for Children's Grief
National Alliance for Children's Grief
What they do: Helps families find grief support for children and teens. Its national directory can be searched for peer groups, counseling, camps, school programs and virtual support.
This is especially useful for finding help for surviving brothers and sisters.
Website: National Alliance for Children's Grief
Find Help: Find Support Directory
GRASP — Grief Recovery After a Substance Passing
GRASP — Grief Recovery After a Substance Passing
What they do: Specialized peer grief support for families after a death involving overdose, drugs, alcohol, addiction or other substance use.
This may be particularly helpful for parents grieving an adult or teenage child whose death was substance-related.
Website: GRASP
Alliance of Hope for Suicide Loss Survivors
Alliance of Hope for Suicide Loss Survivors
What they do: Specialized suicide-bereavement support, including resources and an online community for people who have lost someone to suicide.
Phone: 847-868-3313
Website: Alliance of Hope for Suicide Loss Survivors
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
What they do: Suicide-loss education, support-group locator, survivor resources and Healing Conversations, which connects suicide-loss survivors with trained volunteers who have also experienced suicide loss.
Illinois Chapter: 312-890-2377
Website: AFSP — I've Lost Someone
Star Legacy Foundation
Star Legacy Foundation
What they do: Support and education for families experiencing miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal death and other pregnancy or infant loss.
Resources include peer support, support groups, family education and pregnancy/infant-loss resources.
Website: Star Legacy Foundation
Hospice of Southern Illinois
Hospice of Southern Illinois
What they do: Bereavement counseling and grief support for eligible families following hospice care, including grief education, individual support, memorial programs and referrals to additional resources.
Marion Office: 618-997-3030
Main: 800-233-1708
Website: Hospice of Southern Illinois — Grief Support
Illinois Crime Victims Compensation Program
Illinois Crime Victims Compensation Program
What they do: Families whose child died as the result of a qualifying violent crime may be eligible for reimbursement of certain expenses, which can include eligible funeral and burial expenses and other crime-related costs.
Illinois Attorney General Crime Victim Assistance: 800-228-3368
TTY: 877-398-1130
Website: Illinois Crime Victims Compensation Program
Social Security Survivor Benefits
Social Security Survivor Benefits
What they do: When a parent dies, surviving children may qualify for monthly Social Security survivor benefits depending on the deceased parent's work record and other eligibility requirements.
This is particularly important when a deceased child was also a parent who left children behind.
Social Security: 800-772-1213
TTY: 800-325-0778
Website: Social Security Survivor Benefits
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
What they do: Immediate crisis support when grief becomes overwhelming or someone is experiencing suicidal thoughts, mental-health distress or a substance-use crisis.
Call: 988
Text: 988
Available: 24 hours a day
Website: 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
Not Sure Who to Contact?
Not Sure Who to Contact?
Funeral expenses after an infant death:
Start with The TEARS Foundation and PREcovery.
Parent, grandparent or sibling grief:
Start with The Compassionate Friends.
Professional grief counseling in Southern Illinois:
Start with Heartlinks Grief Center or Coping 4 Life.
Surviving children or teenage siblings:
Start with Heartlinks, Dougy Center or the National Alliance for Children's Grief.
Suicide loss:
Start with Alliance of Hope, AFSP, The Compassionate Friends or Heartlinks.
Overdose or substance-related death:
Start with GRASP, Heartlinks or The Compassionate Friends.
Homicide or violent death:
Check the Illinois Crime Victims Compensation Program and ask the investigating agency or prosecutor's office for a victim advocate.
Pregnancy, stillbirth or infant loss:
Start with The TEARS Foundation, Star Legacy Foundation or Heartlinks.
In crisis:
Call or text 988.
Click Links Below
The Compassionate Friends · Heartlinks Grief Center · Coping 4 Life · The TEARS Foundation · Dougy Center · National Alliance for Children's Grief · GRASP · Alliance of Hope · AFSP · Star Legacy Foundation · Hospice of Southern Illinois · 988 Lifeline.
Special Types of Loss Miscarriage
Special Types of Loss Miscarriage
Helping Someone Who Is Grieving
Helping Someone Who Is Grieving
Overdose & Substance-Related Death
Overdose & Substance-Related Death
Special Types of Loss Overdose Suicide Stigmatized Grief
Special Types of Loss Overdose Suicide Stigmatized Grief
Some Losses Bring Additional Layers of Grief
Some Losses Bring Additional Layers of Grief
Every death can be devastating.
But some circumstances surrounding a death can add trauma, stigma, guilt, unanswered questions, legal involvement or other challenges to grief.
You may be grieving someone who died from:
Suicide
Overdose or substance use
Homicide or violence
An accident
A sudden or unexpected medical event
Pregnancy or infant loss
The death of a child
A traumatic event
You may also be grieving someone with whom you had a difficult, estranged or complicated relationship.
You deserve support regardless of how the person died or what your relationship looked like.
Suicide Loss
Suicide Loss
A death by suicide can leave survivors with questions that may never have complete answers.
You may find yourself asking:
Why didn't I know?
Was there something I should have seen?
Could I have stopped it?
Why didn't they call me?
Were they thinking about us?
You may replay conversations, messages and events repeatedly.
You may feel:
Shock
Anger
Guilt
Confusion
Abandonment
Shame
Trauma
Relief after a long period of crisis
Fear that another family member will die by suicide
Pressure to explain what happened to other people
These emotions can exist together.
You do not have to solve every unanswered question in order to begin grieving.
Talking About a Suicide Death
Talking About a Suicide Death
You are allowed to decide how much information you share publicly.
You do not owe everyone the details.
At the same time, children and close family members generally benefit from truthful, developmentally appropriate information rather than an elaborate explanation they may later discover was untrue.
You can be honest without providing graphic details.
Suicide-Loss Support
Suicide-Loss Support
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
AFSP provides extensive support specifically for people who have lost someone to suicide.
Resources include:
Suicide-loss education
Support-group locator
Healing resources
Resources for children and teens
International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day
Resources for different relationships and communities
AFSP also offers Healing Conversations, which connects a suicide-loss survivor with a trained volunteer who has also experienced a suicide loss.
Illinois Chapter: 312-890-2377
Website: American Foundation for Suicide Prevention — I've Lost Someone
Alliance of Hope for Suicide Loss Survivors
Alliance of Hope for Suicide Loss Survivors
Alliance of Hope provides specialized support for people grieving someone who died by suicide.
Resources include:
24/7 online survivor community
Information for newly bereaved survivors
Suicide-grief education
Support for spouses and partners
Support for parents
Support for siblings
Professional consultations and programs
Phone: 847-868-3313
Website: Alliance of Hope for Suicide Loss Survivors
Heartlinks Grief Center
Heartlinks Grief Center
Heartlinks provides professional grief and trauma counseling and can be a Southern Illinois resource for families dealing with a traumatic death.
Belleville, Illinois
Phone: 618-573-1801
Website: Heartlinks Grief Center
Overdose & Substance-Related Loss
Overdose & Substance-Related Loss
Losing someone to an overdose, alcohol or other substance-related cause can create a particularly complicated grief experience.
Families may experience:
Shock
Guilt
Anger
Shame
Stigma
Relief that a long crisis has ended
Regret
Trauma
Questions about what happened
Anger toward other people involved
Anger toward treatment systems
Fear for other family members
You may hear comments from people who do not understand addiction or substance use.
The circumstances of someone's death do not determine whether their family deserves compassion and support.
Don't Let Stigma Isolate You
Don't Let Stigma Isolate You
You can say:
“My loved one died from an overdose.”
You can also choose not to discuss the cause of death with everyone.
The decision belongs to the family.
Children can receive truthful, age-appropriate explanations without being given adult or graphic details.
Overdose & Substance-Loss Support
Overdose & Substance-Loss Support
GRASP — Grief Recovery After a Substance Passing
GRASP — Grief Recovery After a Substance Passing
GRASP provides peer support specifically for people grieving someone whose death involved substances.
Support may include:
Peer connection
Grief resources
Online support
Groups
Connections with people who understand substance-related grief
Website: GRASP — Grief Recovery After a Substance Passing
Heartlinks Addiction Loss Program
Heartlinks Addiction Loss Program
Heartlinks Grief Center offers an Addiction Loss Program specifically for adults grieving someone who died from addiction-related causes.
Heartlinks Grief Center
Belleville, Illinois
Phone: 618-573-1801
Website: Heartlinks Grief Center
Homicide & Violent Death
Homicide & Violent Death
When someone is killed, families may be dealing with grief and trauma at the same time.
You may also suddenly be involved with:
Police
Investigators
Prosecutors
Courts
News media
Crime-victim advocates
Social media
Criminal proceedings
You may experience:
Shock
Fear
Anger
Trauma
Difficulty sleeping
Hypervigilance
Repeated thoughts about what happened
A strong need for answers
Fear of the person responsible
Anger about the justice system
Distress when hearings are delayed
Frustration with media or social-media coverage
Court proceedings can continue long after the funeral.
Grief doesn't wait for the criminal case to end.
Protect Your Privacy
Protect Your Privacy
After a homicide or highly public death, reporters or people online may seek information.
You are not required to speak publicly simply because someone asks.
Consider choosing one trusted family member to communicate with:
Law enforcement
Victim advocates
Prosecutors
Funeral providers
Media, if the family chooses to respond
Be especially careful about posting information that could affect an active investigation.
Ask for a Victim Advocate
Ask for a Victim Advocate
A victim advocate may be able to help families understand:
Criminal-court proceedings
Hearings
Victim rights
Available services
Crime-victim compensation
Counseling resources
Safety concerns
Other practical needs
Ask the investigating agency or prosecutor's office:
“Is there a victim advocate assigned to our family?”
Illinois Crime Victims Compensation
Illinois Crime Victims Compensation
Families affected by qualifying violent crime should also investigate the Illinois Crime Victims Compensation Program.
Depending on eligibility and circumstances, assistance may be available for certain expenses resulting from the crime.
Do not assume you are ineligible.
Ask.
Homicide-Loss Resources
Homicide-Loss Resources
VictimConnect Resource Center
VictimConnect Resource Center
VictimConnect helps crime victims and survivors locate services and resources.
Call or text: 855-484-2846
Office for Victims of Crime
Office for Victims of Crime
The U.S. Department of Justice Office for Victims of Crime provides information and resources specifically for homicide survivors and co-survivors.
Death of a Child
Death of a Child
There is no age at which losing a child becomes easy.
The person who died may have been:
An infant
A young child
A teenager
A young adult
Middle-aged
An older adult
A parent is still a parent.
Families may also be grieving the future they expected to have with their child.
Family Members May Grieve Differently
Family Members May Grieve Differently
Parents may grieve differently from one another.
Grandparents may be grieving both their grandchild and watching their own child suffer.
Surviving siblings may feel forgotten because so much attention is understandably focused on the parents.
Everyone in the family may need support.
Support After the Death of a Child
Support After the Death of a Child
The Compassionate Friends
The Compassionate Friends
The Compassionate Friends provides peer support specifically for:
Bereaved parents
Grandparents
Adult siblings
Support includes local chapters, online communities and grief resources.
Phone: 877-969-0010
Website: The Compassionate Friends
Heartlinks — Aching Arms
Heartlinks — Aching Arms
Heartlinks offers Aching Arms, a support group for people grieving the death of a child.
Phone: 618-573-1801
Website: Heartlinks Grief Center
Coping 4 Life
Coping 4 Life
Coping 4 Life has offered Kindred Spirits, support related to child loss, along with grief and trauma counseling.
Check current availability directly with Coping 4 Life.
Website: Coping 4 Life
Pregnancy, Stillbirth & Infant Loss
Pregnancy, Stillbirth & Infant Loss
Pregnancy and infant loss can sometimes be minimized by people around the grieving family.
But parents may already have imagined:
A name
A nursery
Birthdays
Holidays
School
Family traditions
An entire future
The length of someone's life does not determine the significance of the loss.
Pregnancy and infant loss may include:
Miscarriage
Stillbirth
Neonatal death
Infant death
Medical termination
Other pregnancy-related loss
Partners may also grieve deeply while feeling pressure to remain strong for the person who carried the pregnancy.
Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support
Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support
Star Legacy Foundation
Star Legacy Foundation
Star Legacy Foundation supports families experiencing pregnancy and infant loss and provides education, support resources and connections with other families.
Illinois families can also explore its Chicago-area chapter and national programs.
Website: Star Legacy Foundation
The Compassionate Friends
The Compassionate Friends
Parents and grandparents experiencing the death of a baby or child may also use The Compassionate Friends.
Phone: 877-969-0010
Heartlinks Grief Center
Heartlinks Grief Center
Heartlinks can also help families determine what grief or counseling support may be appropriate following the death of a baby or child.
Phone: 618-573-1801
Sudden & Unexpected Death
Sudden & Unexpected Death
Sometimes the difficulty isn't a particular cause of death.
It's the fact that nobody had time to prepare.
A person may die suddenly from:
Heart attack
Stroke
Aneurysm
Accident
Medical emergency
Undiagnosed condition
Sudden illness
Unexpected complication
Yesterday may have been completely normal.
Today everything is different.
Sudden death can leave family members struggling to understand that the death actually happened.
You may repeatedly think:
“But I just talked to them.”
“They were fine yesterday.”
“This doesn't feel real.”
Shock and disbelief can be part of early grief.
Accidental Death
Accidental Death
Accidental deaths may create additional questions.
Family members may replay events:
What if they had left five minutes later?
What if someone had been there?
What if I had called?
What if they had gone somewhere else?
“What if” questions can become exhausting.
There may also be:
Police reports
Insurance claims
Workplace investigations
Vehicle insurance
Legal proceedings
News coverage
You can deal with the practical matters while also seeking support for the grief itself.
When You Found the Person Who Died
When You Found the Person Who Died
Finding someone who has died can add another layer to grief.
You may experience:
Intrusive memories
Nightmares
Flashbacks
Avoidance
Fear
Difficulty sleeping
Physical reactions to reminders
Replaying the scene
Guilt about what you did or didn't do
You may be grieving the person while also dealing with the experience of finding them.
Consider telling a counselor specifically:
“I was the person who found them.”
That information matters when determining what kind of support may be helpful.
When You Witnessed the Death
When You Witnessed the Death
Witnessing a death can also create both grief and trauma.
You may need support for both.
This can include witnessing:
An accident
A medical emergency
An overdose
Suicide
Violence
Resuscitation attempts
A prolonged or difficult dying process
You do not have to wait until symptoms become severe before talking with a professional.
Complicated or Estranged Relationships
Complicated or Estranged Relationships
Sometimes the person who died was someone you loved deeply.
Sometimes the relationship was complicated.
They may have been:
Estranged from you
Abusive
Absent
Struggling with addiction
In and out of your life
Someone you had unresolved conflict with
Someone you had stopped speaking to
Death can remove the possibility of ever repairing that relationship.
You may grieve:
The person.
What happened between you.
What you wished the relationship had been.
What will now never happen.
You may also feel relief.
Relief does not automatically mean you didn't care.
Complicated relationships can create complicated grief.
When Other People Don't Recognize Your Loss
When Other People Don't Recognize Your Loss
Sometimes grief isn't recognized by other people.
This can happen after the death of:
An ex-spouse
Former partner
Friend
Coworker
Estranged relative
Unborn baby
Person with addiction
Online friend
Someone from a complicated relationship
You don't need another person's permission to grieve.
The importance of a relationship is not determined by a legal title.
When Grief & Trauma Overlap
When Grief & Trauma Overlap
After a traumatic death, you may notice both grief and trauma responses.
Consider additional professional support if you're experiencing:
Persistent nightmares
Flashbacks
Panic
Severe anxiety
Avoidance that interferes with life
Constant feelings of danger
Increasing alcohol or drug use
Severe depression
Inability to function
Self-harm
Thoughts of suicide
Professional support doesn't mean you're grieving incorrectly.
It means you may be carrying more than grief alone.
If You Are in Crisis
If You Are in Crisis
If you are thinking about suicide, feel unable to keep yourself safe, or are experiencing a mental-health or substance-use crisis:
Call or Text 988
Call or Text 988
The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available 24 hours a day.
If there is immediate danger or a life-threatening emergency:
Call 911
Call 911
or go to the nearest emergency department.
QUICK SPECIALIZED RESOURCE GUIDE
QUICK SPECIALIZED RESOURCE GUIDE
Suicide Loss
Suicide Loss
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
Alliance of Hope
Heartlinks Grief Center
Overdose or Substance-Related Loss
Overdose or Substance-Related Loss
GRASP
Heartlinks Addiction Loss Program
Homicide or Violent Death
Homicide or Violent Death
Local Victim/Witness Advocate
Illinois Crime Victims Compensation
VictimConnect Resource Center
Office for Victims of Crime
Death of a Child
Death of a Child
The Compassionate Friends
Heartlinks — Aching Arms
Coping 4 Life
Pregnancy, Stillbirth or Infant Loss
Pregnancy, Stillbirth or Infant Loss
Star Legacy Foundation
The Compassionate Friends
Heartlinks Grief Center
Sudden, Accidental or Traumatic Death
Sudden, Accidental or Traumatic Death
Heartlinks Grief Center
Coping 4 Life
or another licensed grief and trauma professional.
Children or Teens Affected by Any of These Losses
Children or Teens Affected by Any of These Losses
Visit:
Children & Teens After Loss
Children & Teens After Loss
for child-specific resources and guidance.
Let Precovery Help You Find the Right Support
Let Precovery Help You Find the Right Support
You do not need to decide which category your grief belongs in before asking for help.
Sometimes several categories apply.
Someone may have lost a child to an overdose.
A teenager may have lost a parent to suicide.
A family may be grieving a homicide while also dealing with court proceedings and funeral expenses.
Tell PREcovery what happened and what your family is dealing with.
We can help identify resources for:
Grief support
Trauma support
Children and teens
Suicide loss
Overdose loss
Homicide and violent death
Child loss
Pregnancy and infant loss
Funeral and burial resources
Crime-victim resources
Financial and survivor benefits
You don't have to fit your loss into one box before asking for help.
Our role is to help you find your next step.
Click BELOW
AFSP — Find a Suicide Loss Support Group
AFSP Healing Conversations, Alliance of Hope
GRASP, Heartlinks Grief Center
Office for Victims of Crime — Homicide Survivors.
Heartlinks currently has an actual Addiction Loss Program and Aching Arms child-loss group, not just general grief counseling. (Heartlinks Grief Center)
And for homicide families, the federal Office for Victims of Crime specifically recommends local victim/witness assistance and gives the VictimConnect call/text number 855-484-2846 for referrals. (ovc.ojp.gov)
Death of a Child
Death of a Child
Death of a Child
Death of a Child
When a Child Dies
When a Child Dies
There is no age at which losing a child becomes easy.
Your child may have lived for minutes, months, 10 years, 30 years or 60 years.
They were still your child.
The death may have followed a long illness, or it may have happened without warning.
It may have involved:
Pregnancy or infant loss
Illness or medical complications
Cancer
An accident
Suicide
Overdose or substance use
Homicide
Sudden unexplained death
A disability or chronic condition
Another expected or unexpected cause
Whatever happened, you do not have to justify the depth of your grief.
The Loss Is Bigger Than One Moment
The Loss Is Bigger Than One Moment
Parents often grieve both the person who died and the future they expected to share with their child.
You may find yourself grieving:
Birthdays that won't happen
Graduations
Holidays
Weddings
Grandchildren you imagined
Phone calls
Ordinary conversations
Family traditions
The person your child was becoming
Plans you made together
The role of being their parent in everyday life
Grief may return strongly when one of those moments arrives.
There is no deadline for when those moments should stop hurting.
There Is No Correct Way to Grieve Your Child
There Is No Correct Way to Grieve Your Child
After a child dies, parents may experience:
Shock
Disbelief
Intense sadness
Anger
Guilt
Regret
Anxiety
Fear
Numbness
Difficulty concentrating
Sleep changes
Changes in appetite
Physical exhaustion
Difficulty returning to work
Questions about faith
A feeling that other people don't understand
Fear of forgetting small things about their child
You may have good hours or even good days and then suddenly feel overwhelmed again.
That does not mean you are going backward.
Guilt & “What If?”
Guilt & “What If?”
Parents often replay what happened.
What if I had noticed something sooner?
What if we had gone to another doctor?
What if I had called?
What if I had been there?
What if I had said something different?
What if I had stopped them?
Some questions may have answers.
Others may never have one.
If guilt is consuming your ability to function, talking with someone experienced in child-loss grief may help you work through what happened.
Parents May Grieve Differently
Parents May Grieve Differently
Two people can lose the same child and grieve very differently.
One parent may want to:
Talk constantly
Look at photographs
Visit the cemetery
Keep belongings exactly where they were
Another may need:
Quiet
Work
Activity
Space
Time before looking at belongings
Neither response automatically means one parent loved the child more.
Try not to measure another person's grief by whether it looks like yours.
Couples After the Death of a Child
Couples After the Death of a Child
The death of a child can put enormous stress on a relationship.
Partners may be grieving while also dealing with:
Funeral decisions
Financial pressure
Work
Other children
Extended family
Medical bills
Legal issues
Different coping styles
Physical and emotional exhaustion
Try to give each other permission to grieve differently.
Sometimes couples counseling or family grief counseling can provide a place to talk when grief makes communication difficult.
Grandparents Are Grieving Too
Grandparents Are Grieving Too
Grandparents can experience a double grief.
They are grieving their grandchild while also watching their own child experience devastating pain.
A grandparent may feel helpless because they cannot fix what happened.
Grandparents deserve support too.
The Compassionate Friends provides resources specifically for bereaved grandparents.
Surviving Brothers & Sisters
Surviving Brothers & Sisters
Siblings can sometimes become the forgotten grievers after a child dies.
They may experience:
Sadness
Anger
Fear
Guilt
Loneliness
Jealousy about attention focused on the child who died
Fear that they will die too
Fear that another family member will die
Guilt about arguments they had with their sibling
Pressure to take care of their parents
Pressure to become “the good child”
Difficulty at school
Changes in friendships
Try not to make a surviving child responsible for keeping the family emotionally together.
They lost someone too.
For additional support, visit:
Children & Teens After Loss
Children & Teens After Loss
Don't Rush Your Child's Belongings
Don't Rush Your Child's Belongings
There is no rule saying when you have to:
Clean out a bedroom
Donate clothes
Move belongings
Take down photographs
Remove things from a bathroom
Delete a phone number
Close social-media accounts
Give away toys
Pack away personal items
If you are not ready, you don't have to decide today.
One simple system is:
KEEP
KEEP
Things you know you want.
DECIDE LATER
DECIDE LATER
Things you aren't ready to make a decision about.
GIVE OR DONATE
GIVE OR DONATE
Things you feel comfortable letting go.
“Decide later” is a completely valid decision.
Keeping Your Child's Memory Present
Keeping Your Child's Memory Present
Continuing to remember your child is not the same as refusing to move forward.
Families may choose to:
Display photographs
Make a memory book
Create a memory box
Save handwriting
Keep favorite clothing
Make a quilt or keepsake
Cook a favorite meal
Celebrate their birthday
Light a candle
Visit a meaningful place
Plant a tree or garden
Create a scholarship
Hold a fundraiser
Volunteer in their memory
Support a cause connected to their life
Tell stories
Keep a family tradition
Begin a new tradition
There is no requirement to do any of these things.
Choose what feels meaningful to your family.
Funeral & Memorial Decisions
Funeral & Memorial Decisions
Parents sometimes have to make funeral decisions while still in shock.
You do not have to create an elaborate service to prove how much your child was loved.
Ask the funeral provider for:
An itemized price list
The least expensive options
Direct cremation pricing, if appropriate
Burial costs
Cemetery costs
Information about assistance programs
Payment requirements
Whether pending benefits can be considered
Whether outside assistance programs can pay the funeral home directly
You can also visit:
I Can't Afford the Funeral
I Can't Afford the Funeral
and
Funeral, Cremation & Burial
Funeral, Cremation & Burial
for step-by-step help.
Funeral Assistance for Families Who Lose a Child
Funeral Assistance for Families Who Lose a Child
Some programs specifically help families with funeral or memorial expenses after the death of a child.
Availability and eligibility can depend on the child's age, location, cause of death and available funding.
The TEARS Foundation
The TEARS Foundation
The TEARS Foundation provides emotional support and several funeral-assistance programs for families following the death of a baby or child.
Infant Funeral Assistance
Infant Funeral Assistance
The TEARS Foundation currently lists Illinois among the states served by its infant funeral-assistance program.
The program serves eligible families following the death of a baby from approximately 20 weeks gestation through one year of age, subject to current program requirements and available funding.
Other TEARS Programs
Other TEARS Programs
The TEARS Foundation also operates programs for certain other child deaths, including programs based on age and circumstances.
Because eligibility and geographic coverage vary between programs, families should apply or contact TEARS rather than assuming they do or do not qualify.
Contact
Contact
Phone: 253-200-0944
Email: office@thetearsfoundation.org
Website: The TEARS Foundation — Funeral Assistance
Financial assistance is dependent on eligibility, location, program requirements and available funding.
If Your Child Was 13–22 and Died by Suicide or a Drug-Related Cause
If Your Child Was 13–22 and Died by Suicide or a Drug-Related Cause
Cali's Gift — The TEARS Foundation
Cali's Gift — The TEARS Foundation
Cali's Gift provides funeral assistance and/or grief-counseling support for qualifying families whose child was 13–22 years old and died from suicide or a drug-related cause.
Contact
Contact
Phone: 253-200-0944
Email: office@thetearsfoundation.org
Website: The TEARS Foundation — Cali's Gift
Ask about current eligibility and availability when applying.
Check Other Benefits Too
Check Other Benefits Too
A child-loss-specific program isn't the only possible source of assistance.
Depending on the circumstances, also investigate:
Life insurance
Employer-provided dependent life insurance
Parent or caregiver employer benefits
Illinois funeral and burial assistance
Crime-victim compensation
Veterans or military benefits when applicable
Auto insurance after certain vehicle-related deaths
Other applicable insurance
Church or faith-community assistance
Community organizations
Funeral-home assistance or payment options
Memorial fundraising
PREcovery can help families work through these possibilities one at a time.
GRIEF SUPPORT AFTER THE DEATH OF A CHILD
GRIEF SUPPORT AFTER THE DEATH OF A CHILD
The Compassionate Friends
The Compassionate Friends
The Compassionate Friends is one of the largest national support organizations specifically for families after the death of a child.
It supports families after the death of a child:
At any age.
From any cause.
Support is available to:
Parents
Grandparents
Siblings
Other affected family members
Resources include:
Local chapters
Peer-to-peer grief groups
Online support
Private online communities
Resources for newly bereaved parents
Sibling resources
Grandparent resources
Grief publications
Memorial events
There is no charge to attend a Compassionate Friends chapter meeting.
Contact
Contact
Phone: 877-969-0010
Email: nationaloffice@compassionatefriends.org
Website: The Compassionate Friends
You can also use their chapter locator to search for the closest current support group.
Heartlinks Grief Center — Southern Illinois
Heartlinks Grief Center — Southern Illinois
Aching Arms
Aching Arms
Heartlinks Grief Center offers Aching Arms, a support group specifically for people grieving the death of a child.
Heartlinks also provides:
Individual grief counseling
Family counseling
Grief and trauma counseling
Adult grief groups
Child and teen grief support
Support for surviving siblings
Specialized grief programs
Professional counseling is available through licensed clinicians.
Contact
Contact
Heartlinks Grief Center
4820 W. Main Street
Belleville, IL 62226
Grief Center: 618-573-1801
Counseling: 618-277-1800
Email: support@myheartlinks.com
Website: Heartlinks Grief Center
Coping 4 Life
Coping 4 Life
Coping 4 Life is another Southern Illinois resource to check for grief and trauma counseling.
It has also offered Kindred Spirits, support related to the death of a child.
Programs and group schedules can change, so contact Coping 4 Life directly for current availability.
Website: Coping 4 Life
The TEARS Foundation — Emotional Support
The TEARS Foundation — Emotional Support
The TEARS Foundation doesn't only address funeral costs.
It also provides emotional support for bereaved families, including peer support and virtual programming.
Families can request emotional support even when they are not seeking financial assistance.
Contact
Contact
Phone: 253-200-0944
Website: The TEARS Foundation
If Your Child Died by Suicide
If Your Child Died by Suicide
Parents may experience intense guilt and repeatedly search for an explanation.
Specialized suicide-loss support is available.
Consider:
Alliance of Hope for Suicide Loss Survivors
Alliance of Hope for Suicide Loss Survivors
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
The Compassionate Friends
The Compassionate Friends
Heartlinks Grief Center
Heartlinks Grief Center
And visit:
Suicide Loss
Suicide Loss
for additional information and resources.
If Your Child Died From Overdose or Substance Use
If Your Child Died From Overdose or Substance Use
You may be grieving your child while also carrying years of fear, crisis, treatment attempts, relapse, hope and exhaustion.
You may feel anger and love at the same time.
You may even feel relief that your child is no longer suffering.
Those emotions do not cancel one another.
Consider:
GRASP — Grief Recovery After a Substance Passing
GRASP — Grief Recovery After a Substance Passing
Heartlinks Addiction Loss Program
Heartlinks Addiction Loss Program
The Compassionate Friends
The Compassionate Friends
And visit:
Overdose & Substance-Related Loss
Overdose & Substance-Related Loss
If Your Child Died by Homicide or Violence
If Your Child Died by Homicide or Violence
You may be grieving while also dealing with:
Police
Investigators
Prosecutors
Court hearings
News coverage
Social media
Safety concerns
Crime-victim compensation
Ask whether your family has been connected with a victim advocate.
Also investigate:
Illinois Crime Victims Compensation
Illinois Crime Victims Compensation
and visit:
Homicide & Violent Death
Homicide & Violent Death
Pregnancy, Stillbirth & Infant Loss
Pregnancy, Stillbirth & Infant Loss
Pregnancy and infant loss deserve their own support.
The fact that someone lived briefly—or never had the opportunity to live outside the womb—does not determine the importance of the relationship or the grief.
Parents may be grieving:
Miscarriage
Stillbirth
Neonatal death
Infant death
Medical termination
Sudden infant death
Another pregnancy-related loss
Visit:
Pregnancy & Infant Loss
Pregnancy & Infant Loss
for specialized resources.
Birthdays, Holidays & Anniversaries
Birthdays, Holidays & Anniversaries
Certain days may become particularly difficult:
Your child's birthday
The anniversary of their death
Mother's Day
Father's Day
Christmas
Thanksgiving
Graduation season
Family weddings
Other siblings' milestones
You don't have to celebrate these days the same way you always did.
You can:
Continue the tradition
Change the tradition
Create a new tradition
Spend the day privately
Include your child's memory
Do absolutely nothing
There is no correct choice.
When Other People Stop Asking
When Other People Stop Asking
Support is often strongest immediately after a death.
Then people return to their lives.
Parents may still be grieving intensely months or years later.
It is okay to tell someone:
“I still need you.”
It is also okay to seek people who understand child loss specifically.
Peer support can be valuable because you don't have to explain why you're still grieving.
When Grief Becomes More Than You Can Carry Alone
When Grief Becomes More Than You Can Carry Alone
Consider professional support if you are experiencing:
Severe or worsening depression
Persistent inability to function
Panic
Severe anxiety
Trauma symptoms
Increasing alcohol or drug use
Complete social isolation
Persistent hopelessness
Self-harm
Thoughts of suicide
Seeking help doesn't mean you're grieving incorrectly.
It means you don't have to carry everything alone.
If You Are in Crisis
If You Are in Crisis
If you are thinking about suicide, feel unable to stay safe, or are experiencing a mental-health or substance-use crisis:
Call or Text 988
Call or Text 988
The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available 24 hours a day.
If there is immediate danger or a life-threatening emergency:
Call 911
Call 911
or go to the nearest emergency department.
QUICK RESOURCE GUIDE
QUICK RESOURCE GUIDE
I need help paying for my child's funeral.
I need help paying for my child's funeral.
Start with:
PREcovery
The TEARS Foundation
and our:
I Can't Afford the Funeral
I Can't Afford the Funeral
page.
Also check all applicable public benefits, insurance and crime-victim resources.
I need to talk with another parent who understands.
I need to talk with another parent who understands.
Start with:
The Compassionate Friends
I want professional grief counseling.
I want professional grief counseling.
Start with:
Heartlinks Grief Center
or
Coping 4 Life
My child's death involved suicide.
My child's death involved suicide.
Start with:
The Compassionate Friends
Alliance of Hope
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
Heartlinks
and our:
Suicide Loss
Suicide Loss
page.
My child's death involved overdose or substance use.
My child's death involved overdose or substance use.
Start with:
GRASP
Heartlinks Addiction Loss Program
The Compassionate Friends
and our:
Overdose & Substance-Related Loss
Overdose & Substance-Related Loss
page.
My other children are struggling.
My other children are struggling.
Visit:
Children & Teens After Loss
Children & Teens After Loss
and consider:
Heartlinks Grief Center
The Compassionate Friends sibling resources
or another child-grief professional.
I don't know what I need.
I don't know what I need.
That's okay.
Contact PREcovery.
You don't need to figure out which program fits before asking for help.
Let Precovery Help Your Family Find the Next Step
Let Precovery Help Your Family Find the Next Step
After the death of a child, families may suddenly be trying to navigate:
Funeral expenses
Burial or cremation
Insurance
Public benefits
Crime-victim programs
Employer benefits
Fundraising
Grief counseling
Parent support
Grandparent support
Sibling grief
School support
Suicide-loss resources
Overdose-loss resources
Trauma support
You do not have to understand all of these systems before asking for help.
Tell us what happened and what your family is trying to solve.
We'll help you identify places to start.
Your child mattered.
Your grief matters.
And you do not have to navigate everything at once.
Homicide, Drunk/Drugged Driving & Violent Death
Homicide, Drunk/Drugged Driving & Violent Death
Homicide & Violent Death
Homicide & Violent Death
When Someone You Love Dies Through Violence
When Someone You Love Dies Through Violence
After a homicide or violent death, you may be trying to grieve while also dealing with police, investigators, funeral arrangements, court hearings, money, safety, and unanswered questions.
You may feel that your loved one's death has become a case, a headline, or an argument on social media.
They were a person you loved.
Their life was bigger than the way they died.
You do not have to explain or defend your relationship before asking for grief support.
This guide is for people affected by homicide, domestic violence-related death, fatal shootings, murder-suicide, impaired-driving deaths, and other violent or traumatic deaths.
Grief support can help after any of these losses. Crime-victim financial assistance has separate eligibility requirements; not every traumatic death qualifies.
If You Need Help Right Now
If You Need Help Right Now
Immediate danger, serious injury, or a life-threatening emergency: call 911.
Mental-health, suicide, or substance-use crisis: call or text 988. You can also call because you are worried about someone else. 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
Domestic violence or ongoing threats: call the Illinois Domestic Violence Hotline at 877-863-6338. Illinois Coalition Against Domestic Violence.
Crime-victim help: call 800-228-3368. Illinois Attorney General victim services.
Food, housing, utilities, transportation, or help finding local services: call 211 or text your ZIP code to 898211. 211 Illinois.
Start Here: One Step at a Time
Start Here: One Step at a Time
You do not have to finish this list today. Start with the most urgent need. These steps are a practical organizing guide, not a required grief timeline.
Step 1: Make Sure You and Your Family Are Safe
Step 1: Make Sure You and Your Family Are Safe
If there are threats, stalking, intimidation, or a risk of further violence, contact emergency services or a domestic violence advocate.
Ask for help with a safety plan, safe housing, and protection-order options when applicable. Use a safer device if someone may be monitoring your phone or accounts.
Tell the investigator or victim advocate about threats. Ask how to preserve threatening messages safely.
Step 2: Ask for a Victim Advocate
Step 2: Ask for a Victim Advocate
Contact the police department investigating the death or the State's Attorney's Office in the county handling the criminal case.
You can say:
“Someone I love was killed. I need a victim advocate, help understanding what happens next, and information about financial assistance.”
Write down:
The investigating agency and case number
The investigator's name and contact information
The victim advocate's name and contact information
Who will update your family
The safest way for the office to contact you
If no one has been arrested or charges have not been filed, ask who supports families during the investigation. You can still request grief support and ask the compensation program to review your circumstances.
Step 3: Contact the Coroner and Funeral Provider
Step 3: Contact the Coroner and Funeral Provider
Ask the coroner or medical examiner handling the death:
Who can authorize release of the person to the funeral home?
When might release occur?
Who will explain the death-certificate process?
Who should we contact about belongings?
Are there items that must remain with investigators?
Ask the funeral provider for written, itemized pricing and assistance-program information before agreeing to expenses.
You do not have to create an expensive funeral to prove how much someone was loved.
Step 4: Ask About Financial Help Early
Step 4: Ask About Financial Help Early
Call 800-228-3368 about Illinois Crime Victims Compensation. Ask whether funeral expenses, counseling, lost income or support, relocation, or crime-scene cleanup may qualify.
If a child under 17 was killed by a firearm in Illinois, also ask the funeral home about the Murdered Children Funeral and Burial Assistance Program.
Ask which program should pay which expense. Assistance is not automatic, and the same expense cannot be paid twice.
Step 5: Keep One Folder
Step 5: Keep One Folder
Use a paper folder, secure electronic folder, or both. Keep what you have; ask the advocate what is missing.
Case number and agency contacts
Death-certificate information
Funeral and cemetery invoices
Receipts and proof of payments
Insurance and benefit information
Counseling and medical bills
Employer information and proof of missed work
Applications, letters, and claim numbers
Court notices
A brief log of calls and next steps
Ask each program which documents it actually requires. Do not send originals unless instructed.
Step 6: Protect Children From Carrying This Alone
Step 6: Protect Children From Carrying This Alone
Tell the child's school counselor or another trusted school professional. Ask for a plan for difficult days, missed work, and a safe adult to contact.
Use clear, age-appropriate language. Avoid graphic details and explanations such as “went to sleep,” which can be confusing. Let children ask questions without making them retell the death.
Children may need grief support, trauma treatment, or both. National Child Traumatic Stress Network and Dougy Center resources after murder or violent death offer caregiver guidance.
Step 7: Find Support That Fits Your Loss
Step 7: Find Support That Fits Your Loss
Some people want another survivor to talk with. Others want counseling, practical help, spiritual support, or quiet companionship.
You can ask:
“Do you support people after homicide or traumatic death? Is this peer support or professional counseling? Can you help someone in my county?”
The directory below begins with Centralia and nearby communities, then regional and more distant programs. Statewide and virtual services can often be contacted without traveling.
Closest to Centralia, Marion & Clinton Counties
Closest to Centralia, Marion & Clinton Counties
Location order is approximate by region, not a measured driving-distance ranking. Contact the provider before traveling.
Community Resource Center — Centralia, Salem & Carlyle
Community Resource Center — Centralia, Salem & Carlyle
Local mental-health services for adults, children, and adolescents, including crisis services. This is a general clinical resource, not a dedicated homicide-survivor program.
Ask about grief and trauma counseling, current intake availability, insurance or Medicaid, and payment options.
Centralia: 618-533-1391
Salem: 618-548-2181
Carlyle: 618-594-4581
Email: contact@crconline.info
Website: Community Resource Center
Marion County State's Attorney — Salem
Marion County State's Attorney — Salem
For criminal cases handled in Marion County, ask to speak with the victim/witness staff about case updates, court support, victims' rights, and compensation-application assistance.
Phone: 618-548-3860
Website: Marion County contact directory
Clinton County State's Attorney — Carlyle
Clinton County State's Attorney — Carlyle
For criminal cases handled in Clinton County, ask for the victim advocate or person helping surviving family members.
Phone: 618-594-6645
Website: Clinton County directory
The relevant county is usually the one handling the case, which may be different from where your family lives.
PAVE — People Against Violent Environments
PAVE — People Against Violent Environments
A local domestic violence resource to contact when a death is connected to partner or family violence, or surviving family members need safety assistance. Ask about the services and service area appropriate to your situation.
Phone: 800-924-8444
Public referral information: Washington County State's Attorney — PAVE information
This is a domestic violence referral, not a general homicide-bereavement group.
SAFE — Sexual Assault and Family Emergencies
SAFE — Sexual Assault and Family Emergencies
SAFE provides sexual-violence advocacy and support in South-Central Illinois, with offices including Centralia and Salem. Contact it when sexual violence is part of the circumstances or surviving loved ones need related support.
24-hour sexual assault hotline: 800-625-1414
Website: SAFE
Ask about eligibility for your situation; do not assume every homicide loss falls within its services.
Spero Family Services — Mt. Vernon & West Frankfort
Spero Family Services — Mt. Vernon & West Frankfort
Spero's Counseling and Wellness Center lists trauma-informed counseling, grief and loss counseling, and individual and family services. Most insurance and Medicaid are accepted; confirm your specific plan.
Phone: 618-242-6944
Mt. Vernon: 107 Shiloh Drive, Mt. Vernon, IL 62864
West Frankfort: 218 E. Main Street, West Frankfort, IL 62896
Website: Spero Counseling and Wellness Center
Ask about experience with violent loss, ages served, costs, and appointments. Programs are open to eligible participants regardless of faith.
Washington County State's Attorney — Nashville
Washington County State's Attorney — Nashville
The office lists a victim advocate. Contact it for cases handled in Washington County.
Phone: 618-327-4800, extension 320
Website: Washington County State's Attorney
Southern Illinois & Metro East Resources
Southern Illinois & Metro East Resources
Heartlinks Grief Center — Belleville
Heartlinks Grief Center — Belleville
Heartlinks offers grief and specialized trauma counseling for individuals and families, children's and teens' groups, adult grief support, and community education. Ask which service fits a homicide or violent-death loss.
Phone: 618-573-1801
Email: support@myheartlinks.com
Address: 4820 W. Main Street, Belleville, IL 62226
Website: Heartlinks services
Families should contact Heartlinks themselves or complete its intake forms. Ask about fees, financial arrangements, waiting time, and any available remote options.
The Compassionate Friends — St. Clair County Chapter, Belleville
The Compassionate Friends — St. Clair County Chapter, Belleville
Peer support for families following the death of a child. It is a child-loss resource, rather than a homicide-only program.
Website: St. Clair County chapter
Use the current chapter page to confirm meeting details. The national Find Support directory also provides chapter and virtual-support options.
Parents of Murdered Children — St. Louis Area Wide Chapter
Parents of Murdered Children — St. Louis Area Wide Chapter
The national POMC directory lists this chapter under both Illinois and Missouri. It is a regional homicide-loss support lead for Southern Illinois families.
Website: St. Louis Area Wide Chapter
National office: 513-721-5683
Chapter directory: POMC chapters
Ask the national office for the current chapter contact, meeting location, and Illinois participation options. POMC's national directory states that children under 18 may not attend support-group meetings; arrange separate child support.
Survivor Empowerment Center — Carbondale & Southern Illinois
Survivor Empowerment Center — Carbondale & Southern Illinois
Free services for survivors of domestic and sexual violence and their non-offending loved ones. Relevant when a violent death involves these circumstances or surviving family members need related safety or advocacy support.
Website: Survivor Empowerment Center
Services: Programs and services
Its Southern Illinois service area includes Jackson, Franklin, Gallatin, Johnson, Perry, Saline, Union, and Williamson counties. Confirm the program and county coverage when contacting it.
Williamson County State's Attorney — Marion, Illinois
Williamson County State's Attorney — Marion, Illinois
The office has a victim/witness program for people involved in cases handled in Williamson County.
Phone: 618-998-2229
Website: Williamson County State's Attorney
Marion, the city in Williamson County, is different from Marion County, where Salem is the county seat.
Illinois Resources You Can Contact From Anywhere in the State
Illinois Resources You Can Contact From Anywhere in the State
Illinois Crime Victims Compensation
Illinois Crime Victims Compensation
Eligible violent-crime expenses may qualify for reimbursement up to $45,000 for crimes on or after August 7, 2022. Earlier crimes have a different overall cap. Funeral and burial expenses have a $10,000 cap under the current program information.
Coverage can include counseling, medical expenses, lost earnings or support, relocation, and crime-scene cleanup. Eligibility, documentation, and other payment sources affect an award.
Phone: 800-228-3368
Program: Illinois Crime Victims Compensation
Apply: Online compensation application
Details: Official compensation guide
How to Start
How to Start
Call and explain your relationship, the death, and the expenses you need help with.
Ask about eligibility, deadlines, emergency help, and other benefits.
Apply online or use the official paper application.
Keep invoices, receipts, and insurance records.
Respond to requests and keep your contact information current.
The official guide generally requires filing within five years, with special rules and possible good-cause exceptions. If reporting or filing was delayed, call rather than ruling yourself out. The program considers other available payment sources first. Some approved outstanding bills may be paid directly to providers.
Murdered Children Funeral and Burial Assistance — IDHS
Murdered Children Funeral and Burial Assistance — IDHS
This separate program addresses qualifying firearm deaths in Illinois of children under 17, with specific legal and household-income requirements. The statute defines an eligible survivor's household income as less than 150% of the federal poverty level.
Ask the funeral home and cemetery to help submit a request. Payments go to qualifying providers. Ask IDHS for the current inflation-adjusted limit and funding availability rather than assuming a fixed amount.
Application: IDHS Murdered Children program form
Requirements: Murdered Children Funeral and Burial Assistance Act
Provider requests generally must be submitted within one year; good-cause exceptions may apply. Coordinate with IDHS before seeking other state funeral payments because this program prohibits overlapping funeral assistance for the same child victim.
Illinois Department of Human Services — Other Funeral & Burial Benefits
Illinois Department of Human Services — Other Funeral & Burial Benefits
This is a separate, limited benefit tied to the deceased person's qualifying public-assistance status, resources, and other payment sources. Medicaid enrollment alone does not establish eligibility for every case.
Funeral and Burial Unit: 217-785-4216
Email: dhs.fb@illinois.gov
Website and forms: IDHS Funeral & Burial Benefits
Ask the funeral provider or IDHS which claim form applies and who may submit it.
Illinois Attorney General — Victim Assistance & Rights
Illinois Attorney General — Victim Assistance & Rights
Ask for statewide referrals, compensation help, victims' rights information, and the process for reporting a rights violation. Direct case advocacy through the Attorney General's program is tied to cases it prosecutes or assists with; local case support usually begins with the county prosecutor.
Phone: 800-228-3368
Website: Statewide Victim Assistance Program
Illinois VINE — Custody & Case Notifications
Illinois VINE — Custody & Case Notifications
A free service for custody and available criminal-case information and notifications.
Phone: 866-566-8439
Register: VINE
Illinois information: Attorney General VINE page
Ask the victim advocate which notification systems cover the case. Keep contact details updated. Notifications support a safety plan; they cannot guarantee safety or replace direct communication with the case team.
Illinois Prisoner Review Board & Department of Corrections
Illinois Prisoner Review Board & Department of Corrections
For post-conviction matters, ask about victim registration, notices, statements, and participation. Confirm whether separate registration is required in addition to VINE.
Websites: Prisoner Review Board victim services · Department of Corrections victim services
Family Trauma Advocacy Program — Statewide Homicide-Loss Support
Family Trauma Advocacy Program — Statewide Homicide-Loss Support
FTAP describes free grief support for surviving family members of homicide and violent-crime victims throughout Illinois, despite being based in northern Illinois.
Phone: 779-379-5858
Email: ftaprogram@comcast.net
Website: Family Trauma Advocacy Program
Ask about current services, remote access, and support for your family in Southern Illinois.
Land of Lincoln Legal Aid — Central & Southern Illinois
Land of Lincoln Legal Aid — Central & Southern Illinois
Free civil legal help for eligible low-income and senior residents. Ask about related housing, benefits, family, or other civil legal problems; eligibility and case acceptance vary.
Phone: 877-342-7891
Website: Land of Lincoln Legal Aid
Illinois Legal Aid Online
Illinois Legal Aid Online
Legal information and a statewide tool for finding legal help. Useful when you need help outside Land of Lincoln's service area or do not know which organization fits.
Website: Get legal help
MADD Illinois — Drunk or Drugged Driving Deaths
MADD Illinois — Drunk or Drugged Driving Deaths
Free victim advocacy and emotional support after impaired-driving crashes. Ask about support through court proceedings, compensation information, and family resources.
24-hour victim helpline: 877-623-3435
Website: MADD Illinois
Get help: MADD victim assistance
Illinois Domestic & Sexual Violence Directories
Illinois Domestic & Sexual Violence Directories
Use these to find the appropriate program by county when surviving family members need safety planning, advocacy, or related support.
Domestic violence: Illinois Coalition Against Domestic Violence · 877-863-6338
Sexual violence: ICASA center directory
211 Illinois — Everyday Needs After Loss
211 Illinois — Everyday Needs After Loss
Ask for help locating food, housing, utilities, transportation, clothing, or other community resources. Tell the navigator your ZIP code and most urgent need.
Call: 211
Text: Your ZIP code to 898211
Search: 211 Illinois directory
Social Security — Survivor Benefits
Social Security — Survivor Benefits
Some surviving spouses, children, and dependent parents may qualify based on the deceased person's work record. Ask about monthly survivor benefits and any applicable lump-sum death payment.
Phone: 800-772-1213
Website: What to do when someone dies
Farther Away: Central & Northern Illinois
Farther Away: Central & Northern Illinois
Check eligibility before traveling. A program's Illinois location does not mean it serves every county.
Springfield Urban League — R.I.S.E.
Springfield Urban League — R.I.S.E.
Rapid Intervention for Survivor Empowerment offers assistance and advocacy connected to violent crime. Its financial-assistance description specifically names immediate family or next of kin affected by homicide and severe gun violence in Sangamon and Menard counties.
Website: R.I.S.E. program
Contact the organization to confirm current availability and eligibility. Do not assume this financial program covers Marion or Clinton County losses.
Chicago Survivors — Chicago Homicide Loss
Chicago Survivors — Chicago Homicide Loss
Support for families of Chicago homicide victims, including crisis response, family support, advocacy, counseling, and practical navigation.
Office: 312-488-9222
Email: office@chicagosurvivors.org
Website: Chicago Survivors
Family materials: Brochures and print resources
Ask about eligibility if your family lives elsewhere but the homicide occurred in Chicago. Its materials may be useful even when direct services do not apply.
Cook County State's Attorney — Homicide-Family Support Groups
Cook County State's Attorney — Homicide-Family Support Groups
The office publishes a current calendar of groups, including Spanish-language support. Ask about eligibility and registration before attending.
26th Street: 26streetsupportgroup@cookcountysao.org
Markham group: markhamsupportgroup@cookcountysao.org
Spanish-language group: SpanishSupportGroup@cookcountysao.org
Website: Homicide-family support groups
Parents of Murdered Children — Chicago Area Chapter
Parents of Murdered Children — Chicago Area Chapter
A homicide-loss peer-support and advocacy connection. Ask about current meetings, participation requirements, and support options.
Website: Chicago Area Chapter
National office: 513-721-5683
POMC support meetings are for adults; its national directory excludes children under 18.
Willow House — Northern Illinois & Virtual Family Support
Willow House — Northern Illinois & Virtual Family Support
Free family grief groups with an intake requirement. Its current service page includes virtual peer support, alongside northern Illinois locations.
Phone: 847-236-9300
Website: Willow House grief support
Ask which virtual group fits your child's age, relationship to the person who died, and circumstances. This is family grief support, not a homicide-only program.
Children & Teens After Homicide or Violent Death
Children & Teens After Homicide or Violent Death
Children may be grieving a person while also feeling unsafe or frightened by how the death happened.
Try to:
Explain what is known honestly, in language the child can understand.
Say when an answer is not yet known.
Reassure the child that their thoughts, words, or ordinary arguments did not cause the death.
Keep familiar routines where possible.
Offer choices about remembering the person.
Limit repeated exposure to graphic news, recordings, and social-media content.
Arrange a trusted adult at school.
Seek professional help if distress is severe or interferes with everyday life.
They do not have to be an eyewitness to need support.
Start with Heartlinks, Spero, Community Resource Center, or Willow House's virtual options. Ask about a clinician experienced with childhood traumatic grief when needed.
For caregiver and school materials:
When the Death Involves Murder-Suicide
When the Death Involves Murder-Suicide
You may be grieving more than one person, including someone who caused harm.
You may feel love, anger, shame, relief, confusion, or pressure to choose which person you are allowed to mourn.
You can seek support for the whole experience.
Ask a trauma-informed grief provider whether it has experience with murder-suicide and complex family relationships. Domestic violence advocates can help with ongoing safety concerns. For the suicide-loss part of your experience, visit our Suicide Loss page and AFSP Illinois.
Ask programs to assess each person's eligibility separately; do not assume every surviving family member qualifies for the same financial assistance.
When There Are No Answers Yet
When There Are No Answers Yet
An unresolved case can leave families living with uncertainty.
Ask the investigator or advocate:
Who will provide updates, and how often should we check in?
What can be shared now?
How should new information be submitted?
Who handles cold-case questions if the case reaches that stage?
Who can help us cope while we wait?
You can pursue grief support while an investigation continues. POMC also provides homicide-survivor resources.
News Coverage, Social Media & Privacy
News Coverage, Social Media & Privacy
You do not have to answer every question about your loved one or the death.
Consider choosing one family contact, limiting notifications, and asking others not to send graphic content. Talk with the investigator or advocate before sharing information that could affect the case.
You can say:
“We are grieving. Please respect our privacy and do not share graphic images or speculation with our family.”
Crime-Scene Cleanup & Belongings
Crime-Scene Cleanup & Belongings
Ask investigators when a space or item is released before arranging cleaning or moving possible evidence.
Ask the compensation program whether professional crime-scene cleanup or replacement of certain items taken as evidence can qualify. Get itemized estimates and keep invoices.
You can ask someone you trust to handle practical arrangements. You do not have to personally view or clean the scene to prove your love.
Court, Victims' Rights & Legal Questions
Court, Victims' Rights & Legal Questions
Ask the victim advocate to explain notices, hearings, participation options, victim-impact statements, and what support is available at court. Request interpretation or accessibility help when needed.
For separate civil issues such as benefits, housing, guardianship, or estate questions, ask a qualified legal provider. The prosecutor represents the government in the criminal case and is not your personal attorney for every legal issue.
Use the Attorney General's victim-assistance page for rights information and complaint procedures, and Illinois Legal Aid Online to find civil legal help.
QUICK RESOURCE GUIDE
QUICK RESOURCE GUIDE
What you need
Where to start
Immediate safety
911; a domestic violence advocate when applicable
Someone to help with the criminal case
Investigating agency or the county State's Attorney's victim advocate
Funeral costs after a qualifying violent crime
Illinois Crime Victims Compensation: 800-228-3368
Funeral help after a qualifying firearm death of a child under 17
Funeral home and IDHS Murdered Children program
Homicide-specific grief support from Southern Illinois
FTAP; POMC national office for the St. Louis Area Wide chapter
Local counseling
Community Resource Center; Spero; Heartlinks
Children or teens who need support
Heartlinks; Spero; CRC; Willow House virtual intake
A loved one killed by an impaired driver
MADD: 877-623-3435
Case or custody notifications
Victim advocate and Illinois VINE: 866-566-8439
Civil legal help
Land of Lincoln: 877-342-7891; Illinois Legal Aid Online
Food, housing, utilities, or transportation
211; text ZIP code to 898211
You do not know where to begin
Ask PREcovery for help identifying the next step
Questions to Ask Any Resource
Questions to Ask Any Resource
Do you serve my county or the county where the death happened?
Do you support homicide or violent-death loss?
Which ages and relationships do you serve?
Is this peer support, advocacy, or licensed counseling?
Is there a fee, and do you accept my insurance?
Is virtual support available?
Is there a waitlist or required intake?
What should I bring or submit?
If you cannot help, who would you recommend?
Let PREcovery Help You Find the Next Step
Let PREcovery Help You Find the Next Step
You may need help with funeral costs, applications, basic needs, survivor support, children's resources, or finding a licensed grief and trauma provider.
You do not have to understand every system before asking for help.
PREcovery Project provides nonclinical resource navigation and community support. Counseling, legal representation, and financial benefits are provided by the appropriate outside professionals and programs.
Tell us which need feels most urgent. We can help identify places to start.
Your loved one mattered.
Your grief matters.
You do not have to navigate everything at once.
Related PREcovery Pages
Related PREcovery Pages
I Can't Afford the Funeral
Funeral, Cremation & Burial
Death of a Child
Children & Teens After Loss
Suicide Loss
Overdose & Substance-Related Loss
Resource information reviewed October 7, 2026. This guide brings together identified Illinois programs and statewide directories; it is not an exhaustive list of every provider. Contact organizations for current eligibility, funding, costs, and availability. Listing a resource does not establish a PREcovery partnership.
Website Editor Notes — Remove This Section Before Publishing
Website Editor Notes — Remove This Section Before Publishing
This file follows the supplied Death of a Child page's heading-led format. External resources have complete clickable HTTPS links. Keep the family-facing content above; remove these editor notes.
Set page title to Homicide & Violent Death and, if your editor requires a path, use an internal path such as /homicide-violent-death.
Link the six Related PREcovery Pages to their actual internal page paths. They are intentionally plain text here because those paths were not supplied.
Add the organization's established contact button at the end. Do not introduce an unverified contact number or promise emergency availability.
Keep statewide services visible even when the reader filters for nearby help. Do not label Chicago-only services as available statewide.
For external buttons, choose your editor's website/external-URL option and paste the full HTTPS address. Use internal page paths only in fields that expect a page path.
Keep the reviewed date visible and recheck contacts, service areas, funding, and group intake requirements regularly. Do not publish meeting schedules copied from old flyers.
There is no confirmed homicide-only group in Centralia in the reviewed sources. Local clinical options and statewide/Metro East homicide programs are listed instead; this does not establish that no such group exists.
FTAP describes statewide service on its website; confirm current remote delivery when contacting it. POMC's St. Louis chapter is listed by the national directory, but current local arrangements should be confirmed through the national office.
R.I.S.E.'s indexed official page describes Sangamon/Menard financial eligibility; the page did not fully load during review. Confirm current operations before featuring it prominently.
Potential partnership outreach: Heartlinks for grief support and education; FTAP and POMC for homicide-loss resources; local victim advocates for practical navigation; MADD for impaired-driving loss; CRC and Spero for clinical connections. These are proposed contacts, not existing agreements.
Legal & Financial Things After Someone Dies
Legal & Financial Things After Someone Dies
Legal & Financial Things After Someone Dies
Legal & Financial Things After Someone Dies
You Do Not Have to Figure Everything Out Today
You Do Not Have to Figure Everything Out Today
After someone dies, families may suddenly be dealing with:
Funeral expenses
Bank accounts
Insurance
Bills and debts
Housing
Social Security
Employer benefits
Wills and inheritance
Court paperwork
Taxes
Financial support for children
You may be trying to understand unfamiliar paperwork while you are still in shock.
Start with what is urgent.
Keep track of what can wait.
Ask for help before signing something you do not understand.
This guide provides general information for Illinois families. A qualified attorney or benefits professional can help determine what applies to your situation.
Start Here: One Step at a Time
Start Here: One Step at a Time
Step 1: Protect Immediate Needs
Step 1: Protect Immediate Needs
Begin with the people who are still living.
Ask:
Does everyone have a safe place to stay?
Is there enough food?
Are essential medications available?
Are children being cared for?
Are rent, utilities, or insurance payments due soon?
Did the household lose its main source of income?
Is anyone at risk of losing health coverage?
If basic needs are urgent:
Call 211 or text your ZIP code to 898211.
Website: 211 Illinois
Ask about food, housing, utility assistance, transportation, and local benefits-navigation resources.
Step 2: Start One Paperwork Folder
Step 2: Start One Paperwork Folder
Keep documents together in a secure place.
Useful documents may include:
Death certificate
Original will and any amendments
Trust documents
Marriage or divorce records
Children's birth certificates
Insurance policies
Bank and retirement statements
Property deeds
Vehicle titles
Mortgage or lease information
Funeral contracts and receipts
Recent tax returns
Employer and pension information
Bills and debt notices
Military records, if applicable
Keep a simple call log:
Date
Organization
Person you spoke with
What happens next
You do not need every document before making the first call.
Ask each organization what it requires.
Step 3: Get Death Certificates
Step 3: Get Death Certificates
Ask the funeral provider how to obtain certified death certificates.
Before ordering a large number, ask banks, insurers, and other organizations whether they require:
A certified copy
A photocopy
An uploaded image
A certified copy that they will return
Keep the certificates secure.
Avoid sending the only copy of an important document unless the receiving organization specifically requires it.
Step 4: Find Out Who Has Authority to Handle Things
Step 4: Find Out Who Has Authority to Handle Things
Being a spouse, child, sibling, or other relative does not automatically give someone authority over every account or asset.
Authority may depend on:
Account ownership
Beneficiary designations
A trust
A court appointment
An eligible small-estate procedure
A financial power of attorney ends when the person dies.
Having handled someone's money while they were alive does not automatically authorize you to continue afterward. Illinois Legal Aid Online
Ask an attorney or the institution:
“What authority and documents do you need before I can act?”
If There Is a Will
If There Is a Will
Locate the original will and any amendments.
In Illinois, a person holding the deceased person's will generally must file it with the appropriate county Circuit Clerk within 30 days after learning of the death.
Filing a will is different from opening a probate case. Contact the clerk or an estate attorney promptly to understand the next step. 19th Judicial Circuit Court, IL
Do not:
Write on the original
Remove pages
Destroy an older version
Hide it because you disagree with it
Assume that being named executor gives immediate access to every account
Resource: Illinois Legal Aid Online — Settling an Estate
If There Is No Will
If There Is No Will
Not having a will does not mean there is no process.
Illinois law determines who inherits property that does not transfer through another arrangement.
Depending on the assets, someone may need to:
Use a qualifying small-estate procedure
Ask the court to appoint an administrator
Follow beneficiary or joint-ownership procedures
Do not assume the oldest child, closest caregiver, or person who paid for the funeral automatically inherits everything.
Resource: Illinois Legal Aid Online — Probate Illinois Legal Aid Online
What Is an Estate?
What Is an Estate?
An estate is the money, property, and other financial interests someone leaves behind.
However, not everything necessarily passes through probate.
Some assets may transfer through:
A named beneficiary
Payable-on-death or transfer-on-death arrangements
Certain forms of joint ownership
A trust
A will does not necessarily control an account with a valid beneficiary designation.
Ask how each asset is owned before deciding how it should be distributed. Illinois Legal Aid Online
Does Every Family Need Probate?
Does Every Family Need Probate?
No.
Probate is the court process used to handle certain property, debts, and distributions after someone dies.
Whether it is needed depends on the assets, ownership arrangements, and circumstances.
Legal advice is particularly useful when there is:
Real estate
Significant debt
A business
A family disagreement
A disputed will
A minor inheriting property
Property in more than one state
Uncertainty about who inherits
Resource: Illinois Legal Aid Online — Probate Questions Illinois Legal Aid Online
Illinois Small Estate Affidavit
Illinois Small Estate Affidavit
Some qualifying estates can be handled using a small estate affidavit instead of opening probate.
Current Illinois law generally allows this procedure for qualifying personal estates of up to $150,000, with special treatment for vehicles registered with the Secretary of State.
Other requirements apply. The affidavit does not itself transfer real estate.
The dollar amount alone does not determine eligibility.
Before signing, confirm the assets, debts, heirs, and whether probate is pending or planned. ilga.gov
Information: Small Estate Affidavit Questions
Form assistance: Illinois Small Estate Affidavit Easy Form
Bank Accounts & Automatic Payments
Bank Accounts & Automatic Payments
Contact each bank or credit union and ask about its deceased-account process.
Ask:
Is this an individual or joint account?
Is there a payable-on-death beneficiary?
What documents are required?
What happens to automatic deposits and withdrawals?
Which funds can legally be accessed?
Does the authorized estate representative need a separate estate account?
Avoid moving money simply because you know the PIN or password.
Make a list of automatic payments before canceling them.
Some payments may protect a home, vehicle, or essential service. Others may be unnecessary subscriptions.
Review first. Cancel carefully.
Am I Responsible for Their Debts?
Am I Responsible for Their Debts?
You generally do not become personally responsible for someone's debt just because you are related to them.
Valid debts are usually addressed through the estate.
Exceptions can include:
Co-signed debt
Certain joint accounts
Obligations imposed by state law
Certain spouse or family-expense responsibilities
Being an authorized user on a credit card is different from being a joint borrower.
If someone demands payment, ask for written information and get advice before agreeing to pay personally. Consumer Financial Protection Bureau
Resources:
Before Paying Bills From the Estate
Before Paying Bills From the Estate
Do not distribute money to relatives or pay creditors in whatever order they contact you.
Estate debts and distributions follow legal rules.
If there may not be enough money to cover everything, consult an estate attorney before deciding who gets paid.
Paying for a funeral also does not automatically give you authority to control the estate.
Funeral Contracts & Funeral Costs
Funeral Contracts & Funeral Costs
Before signing, ask:
What is the total itemized price?
Who is financially responsible under this contract?
Are there less expensive options?
What assistance programs may apply?
Can an approved program pay the provider directly?
What happens if assistance is denied?
A funeral contract you sign may create an obligation separate from the deceased person's debts.
For more guidance, visit:
I Can't Afford the Funeral
I Can't Afford the Funeral
Funeral, Cremation & Burial
Funeral, Cremation & Burial
Homicide & Violent Death
Homicide & Violent Death
Social Security & Survivor Benefits
Social Security & Survivor Benefits
Ask whether the funeral home reported the death to Social Security.
Reporting the death and applying for survivor benefits are different steps.
Depending on eligibility, benefits may be available to:
A surviving spouse
A qualifying former spouse
Children
Certain dependent parents
Ask about both monthly survivor benefits and any applicable lump-sum death payment. SSA
Phone: 800-772-1213
Website: Social Security — What to Do When Someone Dies
If a Benefit Deposit Arrives After the Death
If a Benefit Deposit Arrives After the Death
Do not assume it can be spent.
Contact Social Security and the bank to determine whether the payment must be returned. Payment rules depend on the benefit and the period it covers. SSA
Employer, Union & Retirement Benefits
Employer, Union & Retirement Benefits
Contact the deceased person's employer, former employer, union, or retirement-plan administrator.
Ask whether any of these apply:
Life insurance
Accidental-death coverage
Pension survivor benefits
Retirement accounts
Final wages
Benefits available to dependents
Health insurance continuation
Other benefits under the employment agreement
Ask for:
Claim forms
Beneficiary information
Required documents
Submission deadlines
A written explanation of available options
For retirement accounts, ask about tax consequences and deadlines before withdrawing or transferring money.
Life Insurance
Life Insurance
If you know the insurer, contact it directly.
Ask:
Who may submit a claim?
What documents are needed?
Is there a named beneficiary?
Are additional documents needed because of the circumstances of death?
What payment options are available?
If you do not know whether a policy exists, the National Association of Insurance Commissioners offers a free locator for life insurance policies and annuity contracts. A search does not guarantee that a policy will be found. content.naic.org
Website: NAIC Life Insurance Policy Locator Information
Housing, Mortgages & Utilities
Housing, Mortgages & Utilities
Contact the landlord, mortgage servicer, or utility provider and explain the situation.
Ask:
Who is listed on the lease, mortgage, or account?
What payments are due?
What documents are needed?
Can the account be transferred?
Are hardship arrangements available?
Who has authority to make decisions?
Do not assume a death automatically ends a lease, mortgage, or payment obligation.
If someone is pressuring you to leave a home or sign away an interest in property, get legal help promptly.
Local legal help: Land of Lincoln Legal Aid
Phone: 877-342-7891
Children, Dependents & Caregiving
Children, Dependents & Caregiving
If the person who died cared for children or a dependent adult, there may be urgent questions about:
Who provides care now
Medical and school permissions
Guardianship or custody
Health insurance
Survivor benefits
Child support
Management of an inheritance
A family agreement may not provide all the legal authority needed.
Ask a family-law or guardianship attorney which steps apply.
Legal-help locator: Illinois Legal Aid Online
Taking Time Off Work
Taking Time Off Work
Ask your employer or human-resources department about:
Paid bereavement leave
Available paid time off
Unpaid protected leave
Required documentation
Benefit continuation
A temporary schedule adjustment
Illinois Family Bereavement Leave
Illinois Family Bereavement Leave
Eligible employees may qualify for up to 10 workdays of unpaid leave after the death of a covered family member.
The law has employer and employee eligibility requirements. Leave generally must be completed within 60 days after receiving notice of the death. labor.illinois.gov
Website: Illinois Family Bereavement Leave Act
If a Child Died by Suicide or Homicide
If a Child Died by Suicide or Homicide
Illinois has a separate Child Extended Bereavement Leave Act.
Eligible employees may receive:
Six weeks with employers of 50–249 employees
Twelve weeks with employers of 250 or more employees
This is unpaid, job-protected leave. Additional eligibility rules apply, and employers with fewer than 50 employees are not covered. These leave programs cannot simply be added together for the same child's death. labor.illinois.gov
Website: Child Extended Bereavement Leave Act
Illinois Department of Labor: 312-793-2600
Email: DOL.LeaveRights@illinois.gov
Taxes After Someone Dies
Taxes After Someone Dies
A final individual income-tax return may be required.
Depending on the circumstances, the estate may also have separate tax responsibilities.
Ask a qualified tax professional:
Who should file?
Are prior returns missing?
Is a refund due?
Does the estate need its own tax identification number?
Are estate or trust returns required?
Are there deadlines connected to inherited accounts?
Resource: IRS — Deceased Persons Internal Revenue Service
Phones, Email & Social Media
Phones, Email & Social Media
Before closing accounts, consider whether they contain:
Family photographs
Important messages
Insurance information
Financial records
Contacts needed for arrangements
Ask the provider about its deceased-user process.
Knowing a password does not establish legal authority to use an account.
Avoid impersonating the person or making transactions in their name.
You do not have to decide immediately whether to memorialize or remove a social-media account.
Look for Unclaimed Money
Look for Unclaimed Money
The deceased person may have money or property held by the state.
Possible examples include old accounts, uncashed checks, or insurance proceeds.
Search the Illinois Treasurer's ICash program.
Heirs or estate representatives may need documents proving their authority or entitlement. Illinois State Treasurer
Website: Illinois ICash
Email: unclaimedproperty@illinoistreasurer.gov
When the Death Involves a Crime or Accident
When the Death Involves a Crime or Accident
Additional financial or legal questions may involve:
Crime-victim compensation
Insurance claims
Workers' compensation
Restitution
A possible wrongful-death claim
Preservation of evidence
These programs and claims have different rules and deadlines.
Ask a qualified attorney or victim advocate which options apply. Do not assume that a criminal investigation pauses every civil or insurance deadline.
For qualifying violent-crime expenses:
Illinois Crime Victims Assistance Line: 800-228-3368
Website: Illinois Crime Victims Compensation
Also visit:
Homicide & Violent Death
Homicide & Violent Death
If There Is Very Little Money
If There Is Very Little Money
Even when someone leaves little or no property, there may still be benefits to check.
Start with:
Social Security survivor benefits
Employer or union benefits
Life insurance
Qualifying funeral assistance
Crime-victim compensation when applicable
Food and utility assistance
Housing support
Legal aid
Do not assume “there is no estate” means “there is no help.”
Where to Get Legal Help
Where to Get Legal Help
Land of Lincoln Legal Aid
Land of Lincoln Legal Aid
Serves eligible low-income and senior residents of Central and Southern Illinois with civil legal assistance.
Contact it to ask whether your issue is within its services. Not every estate or probate matter will be accepted.
Phone: 877-342-7891
Website: Land of Lincoln Legal Aid lincolnlegal.org
Illinois Legal Aid Online
Illinois Legal Aid Online
Provides legal information, forms, and a statewide legal-help locator.
Find help: Get Legal Help
Estate information: Settling an Estate After Someone Dies
County Circuit Clerk
County Circuit Clerk
For court filing questions, contact the Circuit Clerk in the appropriate county.
The clerk can explain filing procedures and available court resources. Court staff cannot choose a legal strategy or act as your attorney.
Marion County: Marion County Circuit Clerk
Clinton County: Clinton County Website
Watch for Pressure & Scams
Watch for Pressure & Scams
Grieving families may receive calls demanding immediate payment or personal information.
Before responding:
Verify the organization using an independently located contact number.
Ask for written details.
Keep records.
Avoid sending money because someone threatens or pressures you.
Do not share account passwords or verification codes.
Debt collectors may not falsely imply that you must personally pay a deceased relative's debts. Consumer Advice
QUICK RESOURCE GUIDE
QUICK RESOURCE GUIDE
What you need
Where to start
Food, housing, utilities, or transportation
211; text ZIP code to 898211
Help understanding an estate
Estate attorney; Illinois Legal Aid Online
Affordable civil legal help
Land of Lincoln: 877-342-7891
Survivor benefits
Social Security: 800-772-1213
Unknown life insurance
NAIC Life Insurance Policy Locator
Unclaimed money
Illinois ICash
Work-leave questions
Illinois Department of Labor: 312-793-2600
Crime-related financial assistance
Illinois Crime Victims Assistance: 800-228-3368
Funeral costs
I Can't Afford the Funeral
Help organizing the next step
PREcovery Project
Let Pcovery Help You Find the Next Step
Let Pcovery Help You Find the Next Step
You may not know whether you need an attorney, a benefits office, an insurance company, or someone to help organize the paperwork.
You do not have to know which door to knock on before asking for help.
PREcovery Project provides nonclinical resource navigation and community support. We can help identify resources and questions to ask.
Legal advice, estate administration, tax advice, and benefit decisions belong to the appropriate professionals and agencies.
You are allowed to need help with the practical things while you grieve.
Illinois resource information reviewed October 7, 2026. Eligibility and procedures vary by situation.
Funeral Consumer Information
Funeral Consumer Information
Funeral Consumer Information
Funeral Consumer Information
Planning a funeral while grieving can feel overwhelming. You may be asked to make decisions quickly, sign unfamiliar paperwork, and spend money you had not expected to spend.
You deserve clear prices, understandable explanations, and respectful care. The amount you spend does not measure how much you loved someone.
This guide explains how to compare services, ask questions, and find Illinois consumer assistance.
Start Here: Before Signing or Paying
Start Here: Before Signing or Paying
Look for existing arrangements. Check for a prepaid funeral contract, cemetery deed, burial insurance, or written wishes.
Decide what matters most. Consider burial or cremation, religious or cultural needs, a viewing, and the kind of gathering your family wants.
Set a spending limit. Include cemetery expenses and other costs outside the funeral home.
Compare providers when possible. Ask each about the same services so the estimates are easier to compare.
Read the itemized agreement. Ask about anything unclear before signing.
If possible, bring a trusted person to take notes and help review the paperwork.
Your Funeral Consumer Rights
Your Funeral Consumer Rights
The Federal Trade Commission’s Funeral Rule gives consumers important protections when dealing with covered funeral providers.
You have the right to:
Get price information by telephone without first providing your name or contact information.
Receive a written General Price List to keep when visiting a funeral home to discuss arrangements.
Choose individual goods and services rather than an unwanted package, subject to allowable basic fees and applicable requirements.
See casket and outer burial container prices before viewing those products.
Receive an itemized statement of your selections and the total before paying.
Receive a written explanation of any legal, cemetery, or crematory requirement that makes a purchase necessary. Consumer Advice
Official guide: FTC — Your Rights Under the Funeral Rule
Comparing Funeral Options
Comparing Funeral Options
Ask providers to explain these choices and give a complete estimate for each option you are considering:
Option
What to clarify
Direct cremation
What is included, which container is provided, and whether the crematory charge is included
Immediate burial
What transportation, container, and burial arrangements are included
Funeral with burial
Separate prices for preparation, viewing, ceremony, transportation, and cemetery expenses
Cremation with a viewing or funeral
Preparation costs, rental-casket availability, ceremony fees, and cremation charges
Memorial gathering later
Venue, staffing, and other costs for a gathering after burial or cremation
The FTC provides a checklist for comparing funeral and cemetery expenses. Consumer Advice
Comparison tool: FTC — Funeral Costs and Pricing Checklist
Questions About Embalming, Caskets, and Vaults
Questions About Embalming, Caskets, and Vaults
Is Embalming Required?
Embalming is not automatically required for every death. A provider must distinguish legal requirements from its own policies, such as requirements for a public viewing. Ask about refrigeration and arrangements without embalming. Authorization requirements and limited exceptions apply. Federal Trade Commission
Ask:
“Is embalming required by law for these arrangements, required by your policy, or optional? What alternatives are available?”
Do We Need a Casket for Direct Cremation?
A casket is not legally required for direct cremation. Covered providers offering direct cremation must offer an alternative container. You may also supply a casket or urn purchased elsewhere without a handling surcharge from the funeral provider. Consumer Advice
Is a Burial Vault Required?
State law does not require an outer burial container, but a cemetery may require one. Ask for the cemetery’s written rule and the least expensive option that meets it. Consumer Advice
Understand the Full Cost
Understand the Full Cost
Ask whether the estimate includes:
Transportation and additional mileage.
Preparation or refrigeration.
Viewing and ceremony services.
Cremation and permits.
Cemetery space and opening or closing the grave.
A required outer burial container.
A marker and installation.
Obituaries, flowers, and death certificates.
Weekend charges or other additional fees.
Some expenses are purchases from outside vendors, sometimes called cash advances. Ask whether the funeral home adds a service charge. If an outside expense is not yet known, ask for the written estimate. Consumer Advice
A useful question is:
“What will our complete total be, and which expenses are still estimated or billed separately?”
Before You Sign the Contract
Before You Sign the Contract
Confirm:
Who is agreeing to pay.
The payment deadline and any financing charges.
Which services are included.
Whether changes or cancellations create additional charges.
How prepaid funds or insurance proceeds will be applied.
What happens if expected assistance is denied.
Keep copies of the price lists, signed agreement, authorizations, receipts, and correspondence.
If someone says a purchase is required, ask whether the requirement comes from law, cemetery rules, crematory rules, or provider policy. Funeral providers may not misrepresent these requirements. Federal Trade Commission
Prepaid Funeral Plans in Illinois
Prepaid Funeral Plans in Illinois
A prepaid plan may cover only certain goods and services. Ask which prices are guaranteed, which expenses remain unpaid, and what happens if you change providers.
Before purchasing or relying on a plan, ask:
Who holds the money?
Is the plan funded through a trust, insurance, or an annuity?
Can it be transferred?
What cancellation or refund provisions apply?
What happens if the business closes?
The Illinois Comptroller’s PLACE program oversees certain prepaid funeral and cemetery businesses and offers consumer guides and license information. Refund rights depend on the contract and applicable rules. The Illinois Office of Comptroller
PLACE hotline: 877-203-3401
Email: PLACE@illinoiscomptroller.gov
Website: Illinois Comptroller — PLACE Consumer Resources
If You Need Help Paying
If You Need Help Paying
Illinois DHS Funeral and Burial Benefits
Illinois DHS reimburses certain funeral and burial expenses when eligibility and financial requirements are met. Eligibility depends on the deceased person’s qualifying assistance status and available resources; having Medicaid alone does not establish eligibility.
Different claim forms apply to providers and qualifying people who paid expenses. Ask about eligibility, contribution rules, claim deadlines, and reimbursement before committing to costs you cannot afford. dhs.state.il.us
Funeral and Burial Unit: 217-785-4216
Email: dhs.fb@illinois.gov
Website: Illinois DHS — Funeral and Burial Benefits
Veterans’ Burial and Memorial Benefits
Eligible veterans and some family members may qualify for burial or memorial benefits. Available benefits can include cemetery burial, certain burial allowances, and memorial items. Eligibility differs by benefit. Veterans Affairs
VA benefits hotline: 800-827-1000
National Cemetery Scheduling Office: 800-535-1117
Website: VA Burial Benefits and Memorial Items
If Something Does Not Seem Right
If Something Does Not Seem Right
Start by asking the provider for a written explanation. Save the contract, price lists, receipts, messages, and a brief record of what happened.
Concern
Where to start
Funeral director licensing or professional conduct
Illinois IDFPR — Regulated Professional Consumer Portal
Cemetery oversight concerns
Illinois IDFPR — Cemetery Oversight
Prepaid funeral funds or covered prepaid contracts
Illinois Comptroller — PLACE, 877-203-3401
Deceptive sales practices or consumer fraud
Illinois Attorney General — Consumer Complaint, 800-243-0607 for the Carbondale consumer hotline
These agencies handle different issues; they can help identify the appropriate complaint route. Regulated Professional Portal
Cemetery note: The federal Funeral Rule does not apply to every standalone cemetery or merchandise seller. Illinois cemetery protections and oversight may still apply. Consumer Advice
A Simple Phone Script
A Simple Phone Script
“We are arranging services after a death and need to stay within a budget of $____. Please explain your lowest-cost options, what is included, and any additional charges. Can you send us a price list and an itemized estimate?”
A simple funeral or memorial can be deeply meaningful. You can honor your person in a way that fits your family, your traditions, and your financial circumstances.
Local Southern Illinois Help Resources
Local Southern Illinois Help Resources
Local Southern Illinois Help Resources
Local Southern Illinois Help Resources
After someone dies, you may need more than grief support. You may need help with groceries, rent, transportation, counseling, caring for children, or figuring out which office to call.
You do not have to handle everything at once. Start with the need that feels most urgent today.
This guide begins with resources in Centralia and the surrounding Marion and Clinton County area, then includes organizations serving the wider Southern Illinois region. Availability, eligibility, and funding can change, so call before traveling.
If You Need Help Right Now
If You Need Help Right Now
Immediate danger or a medical emergency: Call 911.
Emotional distress or thoughts of suicide: Call or text 988, or visit 988 Lifeline.
Food, housing, utilities, or other community assistance: Call 211, text your ZIP code to 898211, or search 211 Illinois. You can ask for resources in your county and explain that a death has changed your household’s needs. 211illinois.org
Start Close to Home: Centralia and Surrounding Counties
Start Close to Home: Centralia and Surrounding Counties
BCMW Community Services — Help With Household Needs
Serving Bond, Clinton, Marion, and Washington counties
BCMW is a local starting point when a death causes financial strain. Ask about utility assistance, housing support, homelessness prevention, and other available programs. Its housing services include assistance for qualifying households facing housing instability; funding and eligibility determine what help is available. BCMW Community Services
Phone: 618-532-7388
Website: BCMW Community Services
When you call, you might say:
“Someone in our household died, and our income or living situation has changed. We need help with utilities, rent, or basic needs. Which programs should we apply for?”
Ask which documents are needed and whether an appointment is required.
The Salvation Army — Centralia, Illinois Service Center
The Centralia, Illinois Service Center is a local contact for asking about food and basic-needs assistance. Call to confirm current services, hours, and requirements before visiting. centralusa.salvationarmy.org
Phone: 618-532-5942
Website: Salvation Army Illinois Location Directory
Local Food Pantries
If groceries are becoming difficult to afford, ask 211 for a pantry near your home. The University of Illinois Extension also maintains community resource information for Bond, Clinton, Jefferson, Marion, and Washington counties. Confirm pantry schedules directly before traveling. Illinois
Directory: University of Illinois Extension — Community Resources
When calling a pantry, ask:
Do you serve my ZIP code or county?
When is the next distribution?
Do I need identification or proof of address?
Can someone pick up food for me if I cannot attend?
Needing food assistance after a loss is a practical need, not a personal failure.
Community Resource Center — Counseling and Mental Health Support
Locations in Centralia, Salem, Carlyle, and Vandalia
Community Resource Center provides adult mental health services, substance-use services, care coordination, and services for children and adolescents. Its children’s services include individual, family, group, school, and psychiatric care. CRC also provides crisis services. CRC
Centralia: 618-533-1391
Salem: 618-548-2181
Carlyle: 618-594-4581
Vandalia: 618-283-4229
Website: Community Resource Center
Ask whether a clinician is available who works with bereavement, traumatic loss, or the needs of grieving children. You can also ask about insurance, Medicaid, appointment availability, and costs.
Coping 4 Life — Breese Area
Coping 4 Life serves individuals, couples, and families, including people coping with grief and trauma. It has a Breese office and offers a website contact form for inquiries. Coping4Life - Coping4Kids
Website: Coping 4 Life
Contact: Contact Coping 4 Life
Ask about the services available for your age group, fees or insurance, and whether individual counseling or community support would fit your needs.
Transportation and Support for Older Adults
Transportation and Support for Older Adults
South Central Transit — Getting to Appointments and Services
South Central Transit serves Marion, Clinton, Jefferson, Washington, Franklin, and Perry counties. It offers public transportation services, including scheduled rides. Ask about your particular route, fares, advance reservations, and accessibility needs. South Central Transit
Scheduling: 800-660-7433
Website: South Central Transit
Have these details ready:
Your pickup address.
Your destination.
Your appointment date and time.
Whether you use a wheelchair or another mobility aid.
Whether a child or support person will travel with you.
Call as early as possible so transportation can be arranged before the appointment.
Midland Area Agency on Aging — Marion County and Nearby Counties
Midland serves Clay, Effingham, Fayette, Jefferson, and Marion counties. It is a starting point for older adults and caregivers seeking information about local aging services and available support. ilaging.illinois.gov
Phone: 618-532-1853 or 877-532-1853
Website: Midland Area Agency on Aging
If a spouse or caregiver has died, explain which daily tasks have become harder. Ask about meals, transportation, benefits assistance, and support for remaining at home.
AgeSmart Community Resources — Clinton County and the Metro East
AgeSmart serves Bond, Clinton, Madison, Monroe, Randolph, St. Clair, and Washington counties. Contact the agency to learn about aging services and caregiver resources in your county. ilaging.illinois.gov
Phone: 618-222-2561
Website: AgeSmart Community Resources
For help identifying the correct aging agency anywhere in Illinois:
Illinois Senior HelpLine: 800-252-8966
Website: Illinois Senior HelpLine ilaging.illinois.gov
Grief and Family Support Within the Region
Grief and Family Support Within the Region
Spero Family Services — Mt. Vernon and West Frankfort
Spero’s Counseling and Wellness Center offers grief and loss counseling, trauma-informed counseling, individual and family counseling, and services for children and teens. Most insurance and Medicaid are accepted; confirm coverage for your specific plan. Services are available to eligible clients regardless of religious background. Spero Family Services
Phone: 618-242-6944
Mt. Vernon: 107 Shiloh Drive, Mt. Vernon, IL 62864
West Frankfort: 218 East Main Street, West Frankfort, IL 62896
Website: Spero Counseling and Wellness Center
This may be a useful starting point when a child, teenager, adult, or family needs counseling after a death.
Heartlinks Grief Center — Belleville
Heartlinks is a grief-focused program serving children, individuals, and families through counseling, peer support groups, and community programs. Its services include support for several kinds of loss, including child loss, partner loss, suicide loss, and substance-related loss. Heartlinks Grief Center
Phone: 618-573-1801
Email: support@myheartlinks.com
Website: Heartlinks Grief Center
Ask which group or service fits your loss, how intake works, and whether remote options are currently available.
You can describe your needs without explaining every detail:
“I am grieving a death that has been difficult to talk about. I am looking for support that understands this kind of loss.”
Hospice of Southern Illinois — Bereavement Support
Hospice of Southern Illinois provides bereavement support for its patients’ families and caregivers and maintains information about community grief resources. Its bereavement counselors can discuss grief support, groups, and referrals. Hospice of Southern Illinois
Belleville-area bereavement contact: 618-222-5905
Marion-area bereavement contact: 618-997-3030
Website: Hospice of Southern Illinois — Grief Support
If your person did not receive hospice care, ask which services are open to community members or whether the counselor can recommend another program.
Help Across Southern Illinois
Help Across Southern Illinois
Southern Illinois Resource and Advocacy Center — SIRAC
Based in Shawneetown
SIRAC supports under-resourced individuals, children, and families across Southern Illinois. Its programs include community action, family support, and resource connections. Megan Ragan, LCSW, is its executive director. siresources.org
Phone: 223-244-2597
Email: info@siresources.org
Address: 193 West Shawnee Avenue, Shawneetown, IL 62984
Website: Southern Illinois Resource and Advocacy Center
Ask which programs serve your county and whether the organization can help connect your family with practical support after a loss. For specialized bereavement needs, ask about appropriate referrals.
Crosswalk Community Action Agency
Crosswalk serves communities in Franklin, Jackson, Jefferson, and Williamson counties, with service areas varying by program. Contact the agency about current household assistance and eligibility. crosswalkcaa.com
Phone: 618-937-3581
Website: Crosswalk Community Action Agency
County reminder: Marion County, which includes Centralia and Salem, is different from the city of Marion, which is in Williamson County. Give your county and ZIP code when asking for help.
Shawnee Development Council
Shawnee Development Council provides community action services in Alexander, Hardin, Johnson, Massac, Pope, Pulaski, and Union counties. Ask about current assistance programs and the office serving your household. My Site 1
Website: Shawnee Development Council — Services
For other counties, use the Illinois Community Action Agency Directory. Community Action Agencies
Find Help Southern Illinois
Find Help Southern Illinois is an online directory covering resources across 19 Southern Illinois counties. Search by ZIP code for categories such as food, housing, health care, and transportation. findhelpsi.org
Website: Find Help Southern Illinois
If your location has few results, try 211 Illinois or call 211 for help finding another option.
Legal, Benefits, and Safety Resources
Legal, Benefits, and Safety Resources
Land of Lincoln Legal Aid
Land of Lincoln Legal Aid provides civil legal assistance to eligible people in Central and Southern Illinois. If a death creates problems with housing, public benefits, or another civil legal matter, call to ask whether your issue qualifies for assistance. lincolnlegal.org
Intake: 877-342-7891
Website: Land of Lincoln Legal Aid
Explain the immediate problem and mention any court date, eviction notice, or other deadline.
Illinois Department of Human Services — Household Benefits
A change in household income may affect eligibility for food assistance, health coverage, or cash assistance. Illinois’s ABE portal allows people to apply for programs including SNAP and Medicaid. abe.illinois.gov
HelpLine: 800-843-6154
Apply online: Illinois ABE Benefits Portal
If you already receive benefits, ask how to report the death and update your household information.
Help With Funeral or Burial Costs
Illinois DHS has a funeral and burial assistance program with specific eligibility requirements. It is not available for every death. Ask about eligibility and payment requirements before assuming expenses will be covered. www.dhs.state.il.us
Program phone: 217-785-4216
Email: dhs.fb@illinois.gov
Information: Illinois DHS — Funeral and Burial Benefits
If Violence, Abuse, or Sexual Assault Is Part of the Situation
A death may leave someone facing threats, abuse, or safety concerns. You can seek confidential support while also grieving.
Illinois Domestic Violence HelpLine: 877-863-6338
Website: Illinois Coalition Against Domestic Violence www.ilcadv.org
SAFE — Sexual Assault and Family Emergencies: 800-625-1414
Website: SAFE Crisis Center www.safecrisiscenter.org
Call 911 if there is immediate danger.
Step by Step: Finding the Right Help
Step by Step: Finding the Right Help
1. Choose One Need to Start With
You do not need to solve everything today. Choose the most urgent concern:
Food or a safe place to stay.
Rent or utilities.
Transportation.
Support for a child.
Grief counseling.
Benefits or legal questions.
2. Make One Call
If you are unsure where to begin, call 211. For Centralia-area household assistance, try BCMW. For counseling, try Community Resource Center or Spero.
A simple opening is enough:
“Someone close to me died. I live in [county or ZIP code], and I need help with [need]. Can you help, or tell me who to contact?”
3. Ask About Cost, Eligibility, and Timing
Before arranging a visit, ask:
Do you serve my county?
What does the service cost?
Is there a waiting list?
What paperwork should I bring?
Can we start by phone?
If you cannot help, which organization should I call next?
4. Keep a Short Record
Write down the organization, the person you spoke with, the date, and the next step. Keep applications and appointment information together.
If paperwork feels overwhelming, ask a trusted person to sit with you while you call. Share only the information needed for the service.
Quick Resource List
Quick Resource List
Need
Starting point
Contact
Finding local assistance
211 Illinois
211
Centralia-area household assistance
BCMW Community Services
618-532-7388
Local food and basic-needs inquiries
Salvation Army, Centralia
618-532-5942
Counseling near Centralia
Community Resource Center
618-533-1391
Grief and trauma counseling
Spero Family Services
618-242-6944
Grief-focused counseling and groups
Heartlinks Grief Center
618-573-1801
Transportation
South Central Transit
800-660-7433
Older-adult resources in Marion County
Midland Area Agency on Aging
618-532-1853
Older-adult resources in Clinton County
AgeSmart Community Resources
618-222-2561
Southern Illinois resource connections
SIRAC
223-244-2597
Civil legal assistance
Land of Lincoln Legal Aid
877-342-7891
Emotional crisis support
988 Lifeline
Call or text 988
Your Loss Deserves Support
Your Loss Deserves Support
Some losses receive less recognition than others. You may be grieving an estranged relative, an unmarried partner, a friend, or someone whose death involved violence, suicide, or substance use.
Your relationship and your grief still matter. When contacting a provider, you can ask whether they have experience supporting people whose losses are misunderstood or overlooked.
Getting help with groceries, transportation, paperwork, or counseling is one way to give yourself room to grieve. One call and one next step can be enough for today.
Marion County Life Insurance Plan Ahead : Protect Your Family
Marion County Life Insurance Plan Ahead : Protect Your Family
Marion County life-insurance outreach list
Marion County life-insurance outreach list
Kane Insurance Agency / Relation Insurance Services — 110 S Broadway, Salem — (618) 548-2796. Current listing identifies life-insurance services.
Chaney & Karch Insurance Group — 800 E Noleman, Centralia, (618) 532-7331; and 724 W Main, Salem, (618) 548-9009. They're independent and explicitly write life insurance, representing 14+ carriers.
The Insurance Alliance — 418 S Poplar St, Centralia — (618) 532-2277. Particularly relevant because they specifically offer term, whole life, universal life and final-expense insurance.
Jack Graham – State Farm — 426 W Broadway, Centralia — (618) 533-2757. Offers life insurance along with other insurance/financial products.
Ed Grist – State Farm — 404 W Noleman, Centralia — (618) 532-1937. Current Centralia Chamber insurance listing.
Mid-America Insurance Brokerage — 120 S Locust St, Centralia — (618) 545-1000. Current local agency; BBB also identifies it in life-insurance searches serving Centralia and the surrounding area.
Alcorn Insurance Agency — 103 S Commercial St, Centralia — (618) 532-7307. BBB identifies it as serving Marion County and it appears in its life-insurance agency results.
Dimond Bros. Insurance — 201 S Locust St, Centralia — (618) 532-5626. Current Centralia Chamber insurance listing.
Page updated
Report abuse